Boyfriend on holiday

[ThatZippyViewer]

My boyfriend is going on a 4 day trip today with his friends and has already mentioned that the cruise WiFi package is £40 a day which he is not paying. I do feel it could be a good excuse not to speak to me as he loves his space and isn’t a great communicator although when I’m with him he’s on his phone constantly to his mates as I can see the messages coming through. Does anyone have any tips for staying sane during this time and not spiraling. I’m planning to just wait for him to contact me every time but then maybe that looks like I don’t care. After 17 years with my ex I am rubbish at navigating all this relationship stuff!

So if he’s on the phone constantly to his mates he is a good communicator, just not with you. This guy is making you anxious cause he’s playing you like a fool. If you were dating someone that reassures you rather than makes you a nervous wreck…that’s how you avoid spiraling

I understand what you mean. Your mind will start to go to places and worries you don't want. I've been there due to general anxiety and being treated poorly in the past. 4 days seems long to some and short to others. My main advice would be to plan various activities for those few days to keep your mind busy.

I hate long distance calls, so awkward.

I'd be glad if there was no wifi, avoids the whole need to agree a mutually convenient time, then the awkward nothing to talk about thing.

I mean, Irish ferries charge you 20 euro for 5 hours. He’s not lying about price

Im in two minds here. On the one hand he is away for 4 days and this: Does anyone have any tips for staying sane during this time and not spiralling is an excessively needy response. Staying sane. Not spiralling. These are strong words to describe not speaking to a boyfriend for a few days while he is on holiday.

However, how does he behave normally? Why are you feeling like you might spiral?

I Feel sorry for your boyfriend tbh.

Whats wrong with his mobile data?

Can you use mobile data miles out at sea?

he won’t have normal mobile data on the ship. It will revert to Maritime data which costs approximately 923 million pounds per second. He’s also right about WiFi - it’s about 40 quid a day and is incredibly patchy. If OP can’t cope with radio silence for 4 days then that’s on her!

I’d love 4 days peace from my DH ha ha!

Oh thanks for clarifying.

I was trying to understand if he was making an excuse to avoid her - in which case I understand why shed be upset if he was making excuses for no communication or if he genuinely couldn't contact her and was just letting her know and she was BU.

I agree with you

It's ridiculous to pay £40 a day for WiFi if that's really the cost. Just send him the odd .essage checking he is ok ?

Well OP will think twice before coming here for advice again won't she!

It's not fucking AIBU.

Some people are very sensitive and insecure, usually through no fault of their own. Do we really want to chase them away from a potential source of support?

He can still contact you when in port every day. WiFi packages can be expensive.

I think if I remember rightly, it was about that when I went on a cruise a few years ago!

I think it's healthy to have some space, you can have a nice time together when he's back and he can fill you in with what he got up to.

What's the problem here, exactly? Are you worried he's going to cheat on you or something? Why do you think being able to text you would make any difference to that?

You cannot seriously expect him to pay £160 for WiFi just because you're clingy. It's four days! Basically a long weekend.

I too am old enough to recall the days of sending a postcard but even then not during a 4 day trip, you'd be home before the card arrived!

💯

The elephant in the room is that instant 24/7 communication has made many people anxious when they are not in contact with their loved ones.
Not being able to be apart from your significant other is a severe disadvantage, and stops you from being self dependent and there fore weakens you, and your life.

It's too expensive and it's only 4 days 🤷‍♀️

What advice would you give? Do you think we should all pretend that this behaviour is healthy and OK? Unless OP comes back with a massive dripfeed that he's cheated when he has been away before, she really needs help - as many posters have suggested. A fair few have given practical advice. Maybe some of the "it's only four days" replies will give her a dose of reality?

My aunt was in a controlling relationship and her partner expected to be able to be in constant contact like this - messaging and expecting instant replies - wanting to know where she was and what she was doing. It was upsetting and stiffling.

I feel really old now…this is madness!

Ex DP was in the navy and often away at sea for most of the year, incommunicado for weeks at a time. It was in the 90s; I still have a stack of ‘blueys’ that he sent. We used to book a phone call- no mobiles so if I missed him, that would be it.

Same @Sunblocker

This.

Enjoy the four days’ peace!