Boyfriend on holiday

[ThatZippyViewer]

My boyfriend is going on a 4 day trip today with his friends and has already mentioned that the cruise WiFi package is £40 a day which he is not paying. I do feel it could be a good excuse not to speak to me as he loves his space and isn’t a great communicator although when I’m with him he’s on his phone constantly to his mates as I can see the messages coming through. Does anyone have any tips for staying sane during this time and not spiraling. I’m planning to just wait for him to contact me every time but then maybe that looks like I don’t care. After 17 years with my ex I am rubbish at navigating all this relationship stuff!

Does anyone have any tips for staying sane during this time and not spiraling.

What do you mean by this? Can you really not handle not hearing from him for a few days?

Maybe you should try to be more independent or get help with your anxiety.

I can't see why you can't wish him well and then get on with your own life until you see him again.

I think this is the problem with modern day technology (how old do I sound??) and the ability to be constantly in touch with people.
Surely in this situation your response should be 'Ok, have a great time and let me know when you are back'.
If you are worried about what he is going ot get up to on a 4 day holiday then there are issues that need to be addressed about why he makes you feel this way.

I went away for 5 days, had full data roaming and barely spoke to my husband other than some sporadic photos I forwarded every so often. No spiralling happened, I was just busy having fun! And he was happy that I was having fun.

He is being honest about the cost of ship wifi though.

As has been said, 4 days is nothing, he may be beginning to realise he has a very clingy girlfriend!

What are you worried about? That something bad will happen to him, or that he'll hook up with someone? I think you need to interrogate those gut feelings - is it neuroticism or has he given you reasons.
Honestly, he's right, I'd not pay £160 to text a partner for 4 days. I wonder if this is just not the right relationship for you, if he needs space but you find 4 days no contact really hard! I don't think either of you are unreasonable it's just very different expectations of a relationship. Some people love to be in each other's pockets and talking all day, some don't.
My friend and her husband call each other constantly, when I'm in the car with her, when we are out and about. Whereas my husband and I would hate that, and like to be focused on whatever we are doing, then catch up in the evenings face to face. Neither is wrong but you need to be in the same camp!

Or maybe that's just the OP's version of events.

This. In the nicest possible way, you need to see a therapist. This isn’t normal

No reply from the OP for 6 hours, maybe no wifi?…. 😜

This. I’m going on a 12-day trip with friends in July without DP and then an 11-day solo trip in September. No spiralling planned for either of us.

Also, some people are just not great communicators. I rarely initiate a textual conversation with DP, I just reply to his messages. Again, no drama.

😂

Oh wow, it's 4 days! If myself or DH were away for 4 days on a trip with friends we wouldn't feel the need to speak to each other unless something happened, he can fill you in on everything when he's home

I don’t think you’re ready to be in a relationship

£40 a day seems high but depends where he is going. If he is near shore he will get WiFi then. BUT…. If you can’t go four days without talking and spiralling, you have issues.

If you don't feel that you can go 4 days without speaking to your BF without "spiraling" than the problem is you, not him.

It sounds as if you don’t trust him at all. That is the problem, not the wi-fi.

Does anyone have any tips for staying sane during this time and not spiraling.

Yes, I have. Keep reminding yourself of these three things:

The WiFi package is 40 quid per day and he's already said he's not paying for it. So don't expect to hear from him much and then you won't need to panic when you don't hear from him much.

He's a rubbish communicator even when he has WiFi, so you shouldn't be at all surprised if you don't hear from him much. It doesn't mean he's fallen overboard and drowned.

It's only four days. You are a grown woman. You can get through four days without going into a meltdown if he text you several times a day.

You sound too clingy tbh

I went on a 4 day cruise with friends and wifi was £98 for the 4 days (I think we got a discount on it so £40 a day is realistic believe it or not).

I would address why you feel this way. You will make yourself ill, and long-term you’ll end up ruining your relationship.

I do hope this is tongue in cheek! What a sure fire way to have him end the relationship!

Surely it’ll be nice to have a break, absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that?

Just embrace it.

Sorry but I’d go on a cruise deliberately to disconnect and be offline, and would never pay £40 to have messages come through. (The old me would have, albeit on company dime) That’s literally what makes it relaxing and forget about the world.

I recently spent 3 days in person with someone and never once did we get the urge to get our phones out, it’s amazing to be present in person. (Cue lots of worried messages after 3 days tho!)

I went on a cruise recently and the WiFi was very expensive. I wouldn’t pay it. He’s definitely not lying. I think you may have bigger problems in your relationship than this if four days is too much to be apart.

My daughter recently went on a cruise and the wifi was £80

"Tannoy announcements" for such things don't happen on cruises.

There will be a phone in his room and she can possibly ring him on it but ship to shore calls and vice versa are VERY expensive.

Im pretty sure this poster was taking the piss 😂

It definitely sounds like you need to be single. Not at all a healthy dynamic. I definitely wouldn’t be paying £40 a day unless someone was on their deathbed. Dh and I lived an 11 hour flight from each other for several years and would sometimes go days without speaking to each other due to time difference and work schedules. If you have a happy fulfilling life, you don’t really notice the time so much. Take time to build a life for yourself and find a relationship you feel secure in.