Boyfriend on holiday

[ThatZippyViewer]

My boyfriend is going on a 4 day trip today with his friends and has already mentioned that the cruise WiFi package is £40 a day which he is not paying. I do feel it could be a good excuse not to speak to me as he loves his space and isn’t a great communicator although when I’m with him he’s on his phone constantly to his mates as I can see the messages coming through. Does anyone have any tips for staying sane during this time and not spiraling. I’m planning to just wait for him to contact me every time but then maybe that looks like I don’t care. After 17 years with my ex I am rubbish at navigating all this relationship stuff!

Why would you spiral?

My now-ex-H once went on a work trip to a remote island and was out of contact completely for 2 weeks because the 'big cable' that took internet to the island was broken :D I had two children under 2 at home at the time and just got on with it (admittedly with some eye-rolling).

Really, you'll be fine!

Try being a Forces wife/husband

You can never tell on here!

Hahahahaha true :)

Can't he simply use data and text you?

You expect constant contact while he's on holiday. Unreasonable.

If I were you, I'd send him one light, positive message each day that doesn't require a response so "Hope you've had a good day and enjoyed Dubrovnik" or similar. Then your side of things is sorted. Then you need to manage your expectations. Assume you won't hear from him, then if you do, it's a bonus. Absolutely true about the WiFi. So if all is good in the relationship don't let this cause you stress. Above all resist the urge to chase communication. It's very stressful when you're away and feel you have to constantly find a way to check in.

Why would you "spiral" during 4 days on no contact with him?

4 days and you think you'll start spiralling? Why? That's worrying. It doesn't feel like you are in a stable enough place to be in a relationship if four days absence leads to such obsessiveness and worry. If he's not done anything to make you worry then just don't, and get some counselling to help you with it. If he's given you reason to doubt him before then there's clearly still no trust so there's no point in staying together.

No. I wouldn't indulge this behaviour. If I were the boyfriend and OP offered it'd be a flat no. I'd be ruining my holiday because there would be the expectation to constantly keep in touch because she paid for the WiFi!!

Even if the WiFi were free with perfect signal, if he's gonna cheat, that won't stop him, and it won't stop her 'spiralling' either.

I thought this, he sounds a terrible boyfriend x

This does not sound healthy. 4 days is nothing! If you don't trust him then dump him. If you do trust him then enjoy 4 days of peace.

My assumption is the the issue is not lack of contact for 4 days but what could happen on a 4 day cruise with his mates. Basically a 4 day long party.

a good excuse not to speak to me

Her words/perspective , not his

he loves his space
isn’t a great communicator

Doesn't make you a bad partner. TBH I love my space too.

he’s on his phone constantly

When he is with OP? Is a bit of a🚩

However, how often does she expect to communicate with him and what does she consider constantly? Does she expect his full attention at all times? Maybe he does want a bit of a break from it all? He might be a dreadful boyfriend or might not (who knows?) but she comes across as very needy (to me) and, genuinely, in need of some help in this area.

Maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship until you've had some therapy. If the genders were reversed this would be considered very controlling behaviour.

I'd hate if my partner needed me to be in constant contact when we weren't around each other. I've actually come back from a holiday I went on without my boyfriend and ended the relationship over this. It sounds like you have differing expectations and are not compatible.

Spiralling? Oh lawd

The fact that you assume he’s looking for excuses not to communicate with you specifically says a lot.

its not clear from your post if you don’t trust him due to his own actions, or if you’d have this issue in any relationship (ie you have an insecure attachment style).

im not having a dig as up until a few years ago and a lot of therapy later I was very insecure and would’ve been similar to you. However it really is working on and addressing as no relationship will ever be healthy while you’re in that mindset.

in the short term, I’d be tempted to agree to no contact whatsoever on either side unless it’s an emergency. That will be so much easier than constantly checking you phone and wondering when you’ll hear from him and being disappointed when you don’t. I’d also keep yourself as busy as you can over those 4 days and arrange some days/nights out with your friends so you’re not sitting around missing him

that advice is assuming it’s your attachment style that’s the problem. If he has given reason for you to mistrust that’s different and I’d be ending the relationship

My tip is work on yourself and think about why you can’t go a few days without talking to him.

For your own good and peace of mind x

4 days sounds like bliss to me right now. But I've been with my husband almost 20yrs.
I do remember a time when it might have bothered me more though. But it said more about my self esteem than the guy.
How long have you been with this guy to be so bothered by 4 days no contact?
Do you not trust him for some reason?

It’s 4 days, let him enjoy his holiday with his friends?

Maybe plan a few things with friends to keep yourself busy?

Cruise WiFi is eyewateringly expensive and if he’s only away for 4 days I fail to see what you’re sweating about OP. He will be able to contact you when he’s in a port as he’ll be able to connect to local services.

Give the guy a break and let him off the leash for a while………otherwise you’ll risk wrecking what you’ve got.

My parents just did a cruise and refused to buy the WiFi or water package! 4 days is nothing, I’d love to have no contact for 4 days and to enjoy my trip. Let him enjoy it, 4 days really is a tiny amount of time. What when he decides to go for longer next year?

Does anyone have any tips for staying sane during this time and not spiraling?

@ThatZippyViewer For four days? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Spiralling? Really? I know we’re all different but I barely speak to my DH while away with work or visiting my family. Let him have his holiday and relax with his mates.