Boyfriend on holiday

[ThatZippyViewer]

My boyfriend is going on a 4 day trip today with his friends and has already mentioned that the cruise WiFi package is £40 a day which he is not paying. I do feel it could be a good excuse not to speak to me as he loves his space and isn’t a great communicator although when I’m with him he’s on his phone constantly to his mates as I can see the messages coming through. Does anyone have any tips for staying sane during this time and not spiraling. I’m planning to just wait for him to contact me every time but then maybe that looks like I don’t care. After 17 years with my ex I am rubbish at navigating all this relationship stuff!

You cannot go days without talking to him? That is fairly insane but it is very unhealthy to spiral because of it too. My advice as someone whose partner can be away with work weeks at a time and not always contactable is to leave now while you can because if you cannot cope without days communication then you need to sit back and work out is it that you need to raise your self esteem or if he is untrustworthy but ultimately I do not think this relationship has long lasting power.

Op has it already been a repeated pattern of communication that he leaves you feeling unsure where you stand, always waiting for him to respond or reach out? So now he is away for 4 days it's just another time he has "left" you in limbo?

I think you need to re consider if you want this relationship.

My partner is great at communication would probably pay the £40 just so he could be in contact or at the very least would be devising a plan for when they docked and reassuring me he would find ways to be in contact. I wouldn't spiral because he makes me feels safe he consistently prioritises communication. He wants to, it's no effort.

You deserve a relationship like that. I've done the they like their space poor communicators boyfriends before. It's rubbish you're made to feel like a nag simply for wondering if they are alive. Unless they want something and then you need to be available when they click their fingers. No op if its anything like that please re consider. Life is so much nicer with a healthy communicator.

Jeez.

Can you not go 4 days without being in contact? Surely that's not the end of the world?

Years ago, before WiFi and mobile phones, people often went days without any contact.

I don’t remember anyone feeling the urge to spiral 🤷‍♀️

This relationship sounds absolutely stifling. If he is on holiday he should be enjoying his time with the people he is with, not. on the end of the phone to home all the time. It's 4 days, not 4 months.

You deserve a relationship like that. I've done the they like their space poor communicators boyfriends before. It's rubbish you're made to feel like a nag simply for wondering if they are alive.

Most people are alive most of the time though. If you have to be in constant contact with someone to not be panicking about this, that’s an unhealthy level of paranoia.

When he's in port he will be able to message you. Yeah cruise WiFi is really expensive and I never get it personally. Even if you're cruising close to land you can pick up roaming. So not like you're in a total black hole for communication (if you don't want to be) but let him enjoy his holiday and don't harass him

He's only away for 4 days - why do you need to speak to him at all in such a short space of time, OP? He's on holiday - the whole point is to get away from it all!
Leave him be, and then catch up with him once he's back home.

I think it's best to just accept there will be no contact. It's only 4 days. Make some fun plans for yourself too.

You dont sound compatible. You sound needy, clingy and insecure and tbh he sounds just not that into you.

If not being in contact for 4 days makes you 'spiral' then you need to be single.

I’d be looking at why you feel you’ll spiral if you don’t speak, your mood shouldn’t be dependant on his mood/communication.

If you don't trust him you shouldn't be in the relationship in the first place.

Get a grip come on.

Does anyone have any tips for staying sane during this time and not spiraling.

Why would you need to "stay sane" and not "spiral"?! He's going on a cruise, they don't get phone signal, the WIFI will be shit even if he does pay for it, you know where he is. Why would you not just get on with your life?

I’m planning to just wait for him to contact me every time but then maybe that looks like I don’t care.

You are MASSIVELY overthinking all of this. I can't imagine he'll give a second thought to all of it. He's going away with his mates for a few days and they most likely won't be in contact with their wives / girlfriends either.

After 17 years with my ex I am rubbish at navigating all this relationship stuff!

There's nothing to navigate. He's going on holiday for 4 days. It's not 6 months. It's literally a long weekend.

What I would say is that, if you don't trust him (which is what it sounds like) then it makes no difference whether he is able to text / ring you or not!!! If someone is going to cheat then they will cheat regardless.

4 days - really 4 days ?
but you would hope / expect him to pay £160 just so he can contact his girlfriend.

Does anyone have any tips for staying sane during this time and not spiraling

Why would you spiral or need to stay sane?

it sounds like you don’t trust him, or worse, you’re really needy. Just accept it’s 4 days of no contact and get on with your life.

Most people are alive most of the time though.

This made me laugh 😂But yep, absolutely agree. If you worry whether your partner / husband is alive when you don't hear from them for a while then the problem is your way of thinking.

Although in this instance I think the OP is more worried about him cheating than the cruise ship sinking.

4 days really isn’t that long. When I was first reading this post I thought you were an older teen/ early 20s until I read that you’d been in a 17 year relationship!

This mindset isn’t healthy or normal for a relationship.

He shouldn’t be made to feel like he needs to be in constant contact whilst on holiday. He’s communicated clearly that he’ll be in touch when he can. Why would you spiral because he’s on holiday for four days. You should feel confident and comfortable in yourself as a person to be away from your partner for that long and trust him enough to not worry.

I also wouldn't want Dh to be largel out of comms for 4 days but cruise ships are NOTORIOUS for ridiculous wifi costs so I don't blame him. He should be able to contact yo frmo shore though when he can access mobile data so you shouldn't be 100% out of contact? And I'd assume those messages would be pretty basic - having a great time, hope that meeting went well. Or 10 pictures of him and his buddies by the pool!

Why you be spiraling?

Jeez this is a bit of a jump.

He’s communicated with his partner and set the expectations of how often he’ll be able to be in touch due to circumstances out of his control.

It is not a crime to go on holiday and have a life outside of your partner and it is healthy and normal not to be completely dependent on your partner. The OP could probably do with following that advice.

Jeez this is a bit of a jump.

Exactly. There is always someone desperate to fuel the OP’s paranoia on threads like this.

A few friends and I looked into doing a short taster cruise later this year. The cost of Wifi onboard was insane when we looked into it and in the reviews it said that is was very poor.

Honestly, I do not see why not being in touch for four days is sending you into such a stressed state? I think maybe you need to speak to someone who can help you if you are having such an extreme reaction.