I've thrown away 8 years of my life

[PinkImbrella]

Eight years ago I moved to be with my DP in his hometown. I spent eight years feeling hugely frustrated and isolated because he lives in the middle of nowhere. I made it work by twisting myself into knots, finding loads of creative workarounds - luckily my work is entirely remote so I could head off and travel but always tethered by his unwillingness to leave this small town. He kept saying "not now" or "nows not the time". We had loads of arguments about it over the years. The relationship was otherwise loving and supportive.

Two days ago he said "not now" again and I said the time for not nowing is gone, its been eight years. He finally came out with it and said he wouldn't move away from his mother - that its visceral.

Clearly this is the end then. I just feel like such a fucking mug. I feel angry at him for not having told me right from the start it would come down to this. Im so angry at myself for not seeing what was staring me right in the face. I feel so stupid. Im 38 now. I never desperately wanted kids, but i would have had them i think - its just I didn't want to be trapped in a place I hated.

Why didn't I just face up to what was clearly the reality?

Yes, walk along seafront to Hove, in sunshine or wind and drizzle. Watch the waves crash onto beach. Walk the other way towards marina. If you haven't been round the Pavilion, it's worth seeing. The museum's worth a look too. Don't know if you've lived there before, but 8 yrs is long enough to do it all again.

It's ironic that cousin employs him and makes him redundant and apparently finds him another job in a city and neither of them mention it until you have left.

Not that he was going to take the job anyway.

Ah well, not your problem / responsibility any more. 8 years was more than long enough for him to make changes, if he had wanted to.

You on the other hand do have a shiny new future ahead of you.

Just look at what you achieved in just over one month.

You did it, onwards and upwards.

The cousin's full of it. I wouldn't give him another second's thought.

I agree, a walk along the promenade is a wonderful tonic

Brighton is gorgeous I used to live there. Ignore and let it wash over you. Send a prepaid box for the teddy with you Dad’s address and ask him to send it to you. Done

I was thinking outside of Lille. There are a lot of ex-mining and industrial towns there.

Hello Pink,
30 years ago my man stepped up and said as I was moving to his country to live then we should get married: sorry that yours didn't..... Hope things are more positive for you in the future. I didn't post this before as it wasn't clear whether you were in France or Italy, and I am in France. As he has been made redundant he only has to give the landlord one month's notice: that is French law (and I can't imagine there being regional variations of it even if you were in Alsace or Corsica).
Bonne chance,
Gill

Mystery place revealed. So it's just France. I had thought, since the OP would have had to translate message for us, that it was somewhere obscure with a little known language.

Maybe there's a Mumsnet rule about no foreign languages?

That comment seems a little rude. As this is an English-speaking website, the OP is just being polite by translating the French into English. Many English speakers speak French, but most of them don't.

Wishing you the best of luck OP!

And I'm sure there's no MN rule banning the use of foreign languages 😂

English is just for ease of communication on an Anglophone site.

thanks for the translation OP, I dont remember any middle school French at this point

My french is on par with Rachel in friends

Better than Joey’s then!

What's with the obsession about OP translating the text? 🙄
It's a non-issue. 🥱

I kind of love the idea that OP should have posted the text in French ... or (depending on location) possibly Breton, or Basque, or <shock horror> Catalan!

I'm glad the move went well, @PinkImbrella and can empathise about your bear. I've had Edward since my first Christmas, and he is really very scrawny and bedraggled but still much loved. However, he is not a cat and so the most important person is with you.

Thankyou for being inclusive and helpful and providing it in English!

No - he has 3 months notice to give. Let him work it out.

It's "sliver of hope" 🤓

OP has already moved back to England. 🥱

How are things going, PinkImbrella? I hope you're loving Brighton and not having any regrets but also if you are anyway it would be great to hear from you.

I hope you're doing well and settling into your new home in Brighton!

Hello all!
I am still struggling but have noticed the emotions are getting less sharp. I havent welled up today, which i was doing every day since Saturday. My cat is being really shy and not coming out of my room although shes eating well and seems chilled.
I fucked up and texted him a few times, like "i miss you" ("I miss you too"), "i wish this wasn't happening" ("me either"), and then latterly "I dont want this to be the end" ("me either, when and where are you next in france, maybe i can meet you there, we can talk?").
Where I am the housing situation is so dire and my accommodation is a massive, massive downgrade compared to what I had, which doesn't help.
I have unbelievable huge amounts of work on which is a blessing in some ways, but in other ways is adding to my stress.
I am seeing a different friend every evening to do different things which is helping, but its like everything around me feels muffled, like all the things that used to give me energy are sucking me dry. Its like taking a bite of something and not being able to taste any flavours.
But im still proud of where ive got to, a lot has happened to me in 6 weeks.

Sorry if the translation was controversial, it seemed pretty obvious to me that you would translate a text in a foreign language littered with typos and slang.

Today he sent me a random message which I will TRANSLATE for you now!

He texted this morning:

Job done, I had my appointment, now I have to wait for my official redundancy letter 🫤

Zero payout for now, apparently it's going to take some time

Im actually wondering whether he sent that to me by mistake as its so "dear diary", it doesn't really fit with the rest of his communication, which has just been responses to my "Im sad!" messages

'and then latterly "I dont want this to be the end" ("me either, when and where are you next in france, maybe i can meet you there, we can talk?").'

ah

so YOU have to do the travelling
and MAYBE he could meet you

WHY doesn't he suggest he comes over and meets you in say Leceister Square London ?

after all HE has the time now !

But

it would only be talk

just like he did or more to the point didn't do

for the last 8 years...

I was supposed to go out for dinner tonight but ive cancelled as I havent had a "night in" since I arrived and think it would actually do me some good