So I guess thats the last conversation I'll ever be having with him.
I came home and he was there. He said "so you didn't get them to take the TV and the bookshelf upstairs? Because those are yours too"
I said no, like the mattress, I thought I would just leave it.
He said he was going to sell everything anyway.
Then I told him my dad was coming to drive me back over, that made him well up.
Then we had a tense conversation where he flung accusations at me, and when I started justifying myself he said "look im not interested in recriminations or who did what, im interested in this" (circles the air) "the fact that im 43, I have no job, no house and no partner".
He said this was ridiculous all over location, and i said i agreed. He said he offered me Shit City, I said he offered it really late in the game and without kuch enthusiasm. He said sorry I didnt get the confetti out.
I said we should have gone to Shit City right at the start in 2017, he said "my father died in 2016, sorry I wasn't super excited by that". I didnt bother asking how come we didnt in later years then.
He said maybe once you lose a parent, and a hope that doesn't happen to you for a long time, you'll understand what it means to need to be near your remaining one. I said i did understand that, hence why id stuck around for the past 8 years.
He said "im not angry with what you want, im angry with how you've gone about it". I was like - what? He said "you cant put people with their backs to the wall like that. We had a conversation at the restaurant and then BAM before you know it, suddenly we're handing the notice in. You cant do that to people".
I said, well firstly this has been an ongoing conversation for years, and secondly when we got back from the restaurant you slammed the door down and started the silent treatment. How was i supposed to interpret that? And anyway, it was clear from what you said at the restaurant and how you said it, that it was game over. He said "you shouldn't presume to know what people are thinking".
I asked if he jad told his family and he said "no, I dont want people trying to help me out like im a @?!*. Ill tell them when I have a plan". I said you could have got a housemate in and kept this house. He said "I could couldn't I, if someone hadn't pushed my hand and made me put in the notice". Which is bullshit, this isnt really a housesharing culture here, he would never have done that.
He said "im sick of constantly being on the back foot, wondering when youre going to light a match under it all". I could see he was at breaking point so what I didnt say was "im sick of constantly slamming into an unmovable wall". I said "we should have done more here, irrespective of location. I would have liked it if you had helped me build a shared life here together, instead of it being me away, you with your childhood clan. You could have worked harder to help us create a local community that was joint" and he said "Im not a mind reader".
There's more but thats all I can remember now. Hes gone up to bed, im cooking ravioli. So exhausted. Less than 48 hours to go. I got the distinct impression that while of course he is very upset we are breaking up, his big concern right now is how this affects his living situation. Which i dont understand. Sure you have to swallow your pride, but just take your redundancy payments, move in with your mum and take 6 months to regroup. This isnt complicated unless you let your pride make it that way. Anyway, its no longer my problem to solve.
*edited by MNHQ