Partner asks me to cover up when I’m on my balcony

[Slettora]

my top floor flat has a balcony that is 2 floors up a big Victorian converted building (so quite high up). However it does overlook a fairly busy street. I got up this morning in my crop top and briefs because it’s hot and his son had already gone to school. He said if I’m going on the balcony can I put some shorts on. Weird because I’m essentially more covered up than someone would be in a bikini and it’s my balcony (?!). Anyway, he has also got upset if I’ve posted any stories on Instagram of me sunbathing with my cat on my balcony, suggesting I’m fishing for attention.

I had a fairly hippy upbringing and don’t really feel much need to cover up when it’s hot because a body is just a body and I’m also very flat chested with an ironing board body so I don’t feel sexy anyway. I’ve always dressed quite tomboy too, I don’t like attention I just like to be comfortable.

Is this is a bit controlling? I’m not sure how to feel about it. Maybe I should just respect his more conservative boundaries, I don’t know.

In my view, nobody has any right to tell you what to do with your own body. And in your own house? Nope, not going to wash. Perhaps if you're more of a hippy, not too bothered outlook and he's more conservative in thought and deed you might want to think about how happy you would be as a couple going forward.

Wear what you want and consider ditching someone who fondly imagines he gets a say in your clothes.

I'd ask him does he really its appropriate to be telling an adult woman to "cover up"?

And I'd be taking no shit.

“However it does overlook a fairly busy street.”.

I think this is why he doesn’t like you going on the balcony in your knickers - he only asked you to put on shorts. As far as sunbathing is concerned, though, tell him to do one - it’s hardly “attention-seeking” if you’re there with your cat minding your own business.

@sesquipedalian why can't she be on her very high balcony wearing her knickers and a top? Would it be okay if she was in bikini bottoms instead, which is not much different.

OP what are the chances anyone will be craning their head to look up at you anyway?

I would dress how you like- you're not breaking any laws indecently exposing yourself. As for your partner, it depends on whether it's controlling or not. You'll have plenty of people on here saying you are vulgar and shouldn't be outside in your pants but I don't see the problem. It might just be different standards of what people consider decency.

Is he controlling about other aspects of your life, that will be the tell

Is this is a bit controlling?

Yes!

I wouldn't personally be able to tolerate being told what to wear by my BF but everyone has their own boundaries. He sounds insecure.

I agree with him. It's classless to go on the balcony in briefs and posting your body on social media is attention seeking. We don't need to see people in their bathing suit we know it's been sunny or you've been on holiday. They're thirst trap material for the pervs to jerk off to.

Edit to add: I instinctively wouldn't behave like you do so his comments wouldn't even be an issue with me however since you view your body and social manners in a different way to him I would suggest breaking up with him because your views are incompatible. We shouldn't have to tell our partners how to conduct themselves. He should be with someone more conservative like me.

Absolutely controlling.
Pack his shit up and get him out of your home and away from your child.

By the PP’s account she was on the balcony in her ordinary nightclothes and has a flat-chested figure ‘like an ironing board’, so fairly clear she is not in fact posting some ‘flaunting her curves in a tiny bikini’ wankfodder.

And so what? If OP doesn't mind people seeing her in her pants why is it reasonable for him to mind?

We’ve got balconies like this on my street and you’d have to have Inspector Gadget eyeballs to see anything! However even if you were in your front garden, it’s not his business and he’s being controlling.

I didn't like how she described her body, there will be other women with smaller bust and this language is just horrid.
You must know that any figure is wankfodder and some men prefer this body type. Curvy, overweight ir petite my view is that people should cover up more and have more class.

I think it’s pretty classless to criticise others choices but you do you …

I think you’re just not compatible people.

I see your point, I somewhat see his point.

If my male partner was posting topless “stories” sunbathing on instagram Id probably leave him, not because it’s wrong to do so - but because id personally find it a bit desperate, unnecessary and cringe. I also wouldn’t post such things when in a relationship as I’d find it a bit cringe for my partner.

Id also hate if my partner wore underwear on a busy street balcony, i’d be very concerned he was getting a kick out of being seen, but if we were on the beach - no problem, it’s normal. I actually don’t think the underwear vs bikini comparison is a good one. There are differences.

I think you just need to accept you’re not compatible. Don’t dull your shine for him, don’t change your core self (hippy vibes) but also don’t expect him to change his core beliefs on respect while in a relationship.

I'd tell my DH to put some shorts on if he decided to sunbathe in his y-fronts.

Is it though? When they have posted asking for opinions?

Just tell him your not naked, so no you don't have to wear shorts. Who is he, the fashion police?

If you were topless/fully nude and lots of people in the street could see then I kind of get his point. But even then it's your body.

Class/classless - just another form of control.

Such a shame that women are still being told to cover up in their own homes so that they're not a "thirst trap material for the pervs to jerk off to."

It's not the woman's clothes to blame if men are arseholes.

Massive red flag. I’d be telling him in no uncertain terms he has no say in how you dress at any time. If he can’t accept that, it’s time to end the relationship.

It’s not really socially acceptable for anyone to be in their underwear in full public view. I don’t think it’s controlling for him to point this out. I would feel embarrassed if my other half was outside on a balcony wearing his pants, even if they are a similar size to his swimming shorts. It’s just one of those societal norms.

I must be controlling too because if my partner went outside in his pants I'd also tell him to put on some shorts. You sound like an exhibitionist

No that's not fair you're misquoting.
Posting bikini pics on social media is thirst trapping.
Being in your briefs at a balcony on a busy street is classless. It wasn't in her own home. I would see putting the bins out in slippers and pyjamas as unclassy too. I wouldn't care if she walked around her home nude, it's the context. A balcony overlooking a busy street isn't like your living room or bedroom.

What exactly do you mean by ‘classless’? Wouldn’t be done by the aristocracy?

He should be with someone more conservative like me.

Well, with a bit of luck he will be available by this evening.

It's her balcony two storeys up - I'd say what she does on it is her business. Who'd criticise a bloke for sitting out there in his boxer short?

Worrying about class is a waste of time. Nobody lies on their death bed thinking I wish I'd been more classy.

Who judges what people on what they wear to put out their bins? Surely it doesn't matter?