Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

[Lionesseses]

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

Fuck sake, the sanctimonious brigade are out in force today.

Sex isn't just about marriage and babies in the 'family home' (fuck off with that pious phrase). It's for fun. These are two single, consenting adults who are friends and enjoy having sex with each other.

Maybe just make sure he's making his fair share of the brews in future for full-on feminism. 😆

Are you always so judgy ?

I'm jealous.

Exactly.

You are either into FWB stuff and situations or you arn't.

But crickey some of the innuedo, you all sound like a bunch of horney Denise Van Outens with the crude isn't it great we get sex.

It's not that hard, it's the other stuff that goes with it that's harder.

Cathy and Heathcliffe it aint.
Two years of keeping a secret it's not my idea of fun, but you do you.

@Lionesseses don’t listen to the haters. You sound like you have a stable home for your daughter and not a merry go round of men in and out of the house. Just be careful and treat it as a warning as if your daughter is in 6th form next week, they can be in and out of school ( and at time) with little notice or routine for it. Enjoy the sex!

• six form next term!

This thread is entertaining.

Horny Denise Van Outens 😂

So you don't agree it's grim😁

The whole act is grim and I make my husband have a boiling hot shower and dip his bits in a cup of bleach afterwards.

This thread is so funny. An adult lady is having consensual sex with a consenting male, obviously quite good too, as its gone on a long time and they have a nice cuppa afterwards.

Op just say you're friends and obviously she will know the score but embarrassment will stop her questioning you further.

Mumsnet really can be grim at times.

So many comments. Wow. Wish I could respond to them all, but you know, I have a wild daytime sex life to attend to, so…

Someone asked about what my friend thought. He texted me after he left asking whether all was well, and the ‘phew!’ emoji! Hopefully he’ll be fine.

It has made me think about locking the door from the inside in future. Honestly I obviously didn’t think she’d be coming home. We normally meet mid morning after kids are in school and we’re sorted for the day, so it’s over by school lunchtime.

To those people talking about ‘not bringing a man into the family home’. Are you mad? Would you prefer we went to the local Premier Inn?

I’m not going to talk to my DD about things unless she asks. Will probably take the advice of posters and tell her that we are friends who meet up from time to time. If she specifically asks about sex then I won’t deny it. I have no problem with sex outside of a committed relationship so long as it’s safe and everyone is happy (as is the case here), and that’s what I’d like her attitude to be too. Nobody’s doing anything that they should be ashamed of. It’s nice for us both.

How fucking dare you preach your sanctimonious bullshit “values” at me! I will make no apologies for how I eventually choose to fix, what my husband’s sudden death broke in me.

And don’t you ever speak about my children in that manner ever again. I don’t need to explain to you that they are all, every one of them broken in their own way also, and it’ll be over MY cold rotting corpse that I would ever do anything to their detriment or upbringing. Which includes exposing them to my (currently non existent) sex life, whether that be a relationship, a FWB, a casual hook up, or a fucking male escort for that matter.

You think you’re “better” with your holier than thou attitude. I can categorically say that no, you are not.

'Sex isn't just about marriage and babies in the 'family home' (fuck off with that pious phrase). It's for fun. These are two single, consenting adults who are friends and enjoy having sex with each other.'

If you have kids you decide what values you want to pass on. No strings sex? Fine. Just not when your kids are going to catch you at it or else they may start thinking that's the way to go.

Just lock doors or fuck fwb elsewhere.

I think the most colourful posts are emanating from the most judgemental of posters (who also can't seem to stop posting on the thread, funny that).

Lock the door from the inside in future - and from September keep a copy of the A level timetable to hand. My older teenagers are in and out of the house all the time now.

You think if ops daughter caught her, she'd be 'ah cool, that must be a thing' and just not care about getting caught? What are you spouting

I mean, I’m interested to know where you would suggest

That's brilliant. There have to be some positives.

You need to calm down.
You’re actually agreeing with the poster you’re so viciously addressing.

You recognise the harm in your children, at a very formative age, seeing you participate in casual sexual relationships.

On top of that, the man she is doing this with is a friend’s father of her daughter.

It’s very close to home and has the potential to be very hurtful to her daughter

Thank you

I thin bc it's her daughters friend's parent and not a stranger.

Very. Somebody gets feelings, somebody doesn't get that they want, they throw a fit and make public scenes, come on.

You don't shit where you or your kids eat.

Can I also just say to the poster(s) suggesting that if my DD discovered that I’d been having casual sex, she’d think it was fine.., Er, yep, it is fine?

For starters I think my DD has agency so can make her own mind up. But also, casual sex is fine. I’ve had casual sex and committed sex in my time (and in this case, committing to casual sex with the same fun and lovely man every few weeks for two years as we navigate the shitstorm of single parenthood and relish an escape). Both are fine. Casual sex hasn’t had any negative effects on me at all, because I’m a woman with my own mind and not dependent on a man’s love for self worth. If a bloke fancies me and I fancy him back, and we both want to fuck each others brains out and then never see each other again, I shall go for it and remember it fondly.

God judgement on here 😅 op i would probably have said you had mentioned an issue with your window not latching properly he said he'd have a look. Leave it at that. Your an adult and it's your private business. I hope it all carries on as before!

We normally meet mid morning after kids are in school and we’re sorted for the day, so it’s over by school lunchtime.

Lunch time in DS's school is 1.40pm so bravo to you for your 3hr romp!

The trouble with coming up with a story about plumbing / fixing a laptop, etc. is why wouldn't you have mentioned that in the first place? I think it makes it look more suspicious.

That's all very sensible, you're obviously friends who like each other and the situation suits you both.

And you sound grounded enough to have a conversation if she has the follow up questions.