Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

[Lionesseses]

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

Very worrying

What's worrying?

@WigglywagglyWanda

what you on about?? What “lovely lady” did she upset ??

@SquashedMallow

the thing is - and I think this may blow your mind - some women simply do not care what men think of them.

@Praying4Peace

DBS check 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I didn't refer to the op as a wank bucket. I suggested that unfortunately that's how men in these arrangements often view women.

That's fine for a grown woman. But not so fine for a developing young girls mind. Because what we do sends messages to our children.

@SquashedMallow

the daughter doesn’t need to know, it’s none of her business. Problem solved.

I disagree. A mother lying to her DD about a relationship she has, is not ideal.

All explanations need to be age appropriate. As the DD is 15, she can handle the truth. Obvs. there is no need to go into detail but lying is not on IMO.

But it's not just about the OPs daughter is it ? This attitude towards sex is being promoted it seems on here, and this will obviously then filter down to the next generations. I think it'd a little naive to not see that's problematic.

Not if it's kept discrete as op did. All the angst and she didn't actually see anything.

Who said he's mucky and random? She's known him 12 years and has been in this situation with him for 4.

I'd presume he's not mucky, if she's hanging around.

You must have many suppressed feelings in life. I feel for you.

There is nothing wrong about the OP's attitude and it is perfectly fine for her DD to be aware of it.

What attitude though? That 2 friends who trust each other and are having a bit of mutual comfort and know each other 12 years and in a relationship for 2? I see no harm there.

Listen luv…hate to break it to you…but using the term “wank bucket”, no matter in what context you meant it, renders ALL your well thought out, impassioned arguments completely null and void,
No woman with an ounce of intelligence would give credence to any of your thoughts on this subject after that delicate nugget of utter misogyny and outright filth.
You have lost whatever moral high ground you may have wished to inhabit.

2 adult single people having sex, I can’t believe the pearl clutching on here! Good on you OP. Nothing you are doing is grim or to be ashamed of. Carry on!

Sit down and explain that you've been seeing each other a little while but you're unsure if you'll be one partners
At 15, she should be due the respect you probably ask from her.
It's also unfair on her, she possibly thinks there's a possibility of a 'new dad' in him, she has to be aware that it's not a possibility
To ignore the situation is unfair on her
You'll one day expect her to answer truthfully about her possible partner

@SquashedMallow

so what if it does?? OP sounds happy, not saddled with some useless bloke but still getting her sexual needs met. So what if a more liberal attitude to sex is perpetuated? What’s the worst that could happen? The patriarchy die out??

Number of men who have now randomly PMd me as a result of this thread?

Four.

Now that is grim.

@Lionesseses

ewww.
what are they saying??

Check out the OPs unfortunate latest update...

I'd say that was more playing in the hands of the patriarchy..

For real? Oh my word 😬. What, propositioning you?

Isn't it more responsible to have a discrete relationship rather than to start a relationship which breaks up after 6 months then another?

Or embark on being madly in love with the guy from Until I Kill you, who abuses and the children are in the same house?

And yeh in whatever context wank bucket in tandem with a lot of other descriptions was low.