Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

[Lionesseses]

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

Really?

@Roobarbtwo my Dad committed suicide last year and calling someone insane isn't insulting to me because I understand real world colloquialisms, just like I understand a woman can be a good mother and still enjoy cock. Stop grasping.

Reporting @TigerMum8 because I refuse to believe anyone's comprehension skills can be that poor.

Wiggly, you've posted repeatedly on this thread too. It would seem ironic to accuse me of upsetting a lovely lady in one breath while calling me a polly parrot in the next. Here .

Now????🤣🤣😅😅

😂 Gloriia, is so perfect.

I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you!’ … Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc.

@Lionesseses, how did you respond when DD asked why he was there? Surely you didn’t ignore her question.

OP. Well good on you I say. Obviously not ideal that DD nearly caught you, but if you can explains away as some sort of handyman related visit then hopefully DD will move on and forget soon. For all those castigating the OP for having consensual, safe sex with a nice man, this is why I am beginning to loathe Mumsnet. So many keyboard warriors disapproving/ jealous/ judgemental/ generally toxic about everything and anything that is posted.

OP I hope you get to continue you FWB situation and enjoying it. Fair play 🙌🏻

@Smurfette63 Come off it - her daughter is 15!! She will absolutely know what they were up to! Lying will only make it worse!
I have a 15 yo son and would be a little bit embarrassed if he came home to find me in bed with my man...and I'm married (son's stepdad!) He'd so know!! 😆

What's wrong with two consenting adults having fun?

Or do you mean about how to explain it to the teenage daughter? I think keeping to as little information as necessary would work. Teenagers are perfectly aware of the concept of adults having sex, but they'd think it was grim too - the idea of two oldies [anyone over 25] bumping uglies would repulse them.

I can understand that some people don't want the less desirable bits of a relationship but I wouldn't label everyone who isn't in tune with FWB relationships ' jealous'.
It wouldn't appeal to me but each to their own

Sorry I don't have any good advice but just wanted to say "good for you and your friend for having such a fabulous and sensible attitude to life" It made my day to hear about such a mutually agreeable situation

No. Just stating their opinions

Honestly, at 15 she knows full well what you were up to! If you were going to be believable you had to be on the spot with your response. I'd just be honest, Yes it's going to be awkward but it's this raw open and honest conversation that will make her feel like she can talk to you about sex WHEN she has questions, problems or considering doing it herself. If she hasn't already, then you can talk about contraception etc. At the moment she will be seeing her mother who is clearly not a Virgin too embarrassed to talk about sex so why would she feel comfortable about having the conversations? We don't realise it but we project our embarrassment on our kids which isn't healthy x

I don't get why everybody is so keen on keeping the truth from her daughter. Then keep it v quiet in future. Be even more careful. Because she doesn't need to deal with thinking about that private aspect of your life
Why? The DD is old enough to be having sex herself. She will know what this is about and understand it. I'm sure she does not expect her mum to be celibate forever.

No advice re your Daughter op, but bloody good on you for having a sex life. To me, it sounds like you have the perfect arrangement. You do not want anything that takes up your time etc, and this sounds ideal. Its someone who seems to feel the same as you about the arrangement, you fancy him, you know him and as you say, its the same man each time. Enjoy the time you spend together.

This! 👏👏

The Judgies of Mumsnet. They just have to stick their miserable ore in. Ignore.

It's not great that threads are being deleted for expressing opinions on the other side of the fence. Just to make very clear , I would never label a woman a "wank bucket" - I think my post was misinterpreted. But I do believe men do see women in this derogatory kind of way when they are willing to have ONS/casual sex with them. I really don't think that's changed. I wouldn't like young girls thinking that it's "empowering" to treat sex very casually, only to find out the reality of how they then are likely to be viewed by the men they're casually having sex with. You've got to have pretty damn robust mental health and tip top self esteem to be able to shake that off. From my experience, and of course there will be exceptions to this, a lot of the time the women engaging in sex casually or with multiple partners outside of relationships, haven't usually got great self esteem or are using sex to feel "worthy". I can't help but feel the encouragement and endorsement of it does need the counter balance of different opinions.

To call names such as "pearl clutcher" "uptight" and even worse labelling catholics as "paedophile sympathisers" is not respectful and only encourages hostility back.

If women want to engage in FWB / ONS "fuck buddies" that is their perogative, but there is a new attitude of almost encouraging this , which can lead to young girls feeling it's the "cool thing to do " and gives developing minds of young boys a potentially dangerous and objectifying view of women. the fact OPs daughter nearly caught her having casual sex with her friends dad is going to raise discomfort and some challenging conversations for both her and her daughter.

DBS checked 😂I've seen it all here now

There's no need to tell her. Teenagers aren't entitled to know about their parents sex life.

I'm baffled that some people think otherwise.

Also having comments stand that are calling people "drunk" or "mentally ill/insane" for believing sex should be within a loving relationship isn't good.

Threads aren't being deleted.
Commentary such as referring to the Op as a wank bucket absolutely should be.

There is no excuse for referring to the Op in the most misognistic terms and says far more about you than it does about the Op.

No offer of a job poor guy 😢 🤣