Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

[Lionesseses]

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

Maybe you could just end the thread now rather than revelling in the joy coming to you. Your daughter is what matters here. His daughter as well. We get it. You are someones fuck buddy - and I bet he's got others. I would put my last penny on it.

BTW I'm not a pearl clutcher - just not an attention seeker

God I think this sounds like an ideal setup tbh. I am single in my 40s (no kids) and would love a good FWB to pop round in the working day for a good shag, a cuddle and a chat before popping off again. I have always thought this is an obvious opportunity for those of us working flexibly from home that I have failed to capitalise on. OP, please share your wisdom on how to make it happen!

Is it just Memsnet you get this weird world where everything is black and white

Where folk boast about wonderful fulfilling sex with their husbands but hey you single mum you've to behave yourself, you're not allowed to have sexual feelings till the kids leave home?

Personally a safe relationship with someone trusted and liked which has lasted 2 years sounds vreasonable to me.

If people out in the real world are like this I'm concerned. But I think it's just the usual let's tear someone down for fun that you often get on here.

Worse, some of you are having sex with your daughter’s actual parent! 😳😮

Personally - I wouldn't say anything first. She might not have even registered that something was off. Lots of kids that age are too wrapped up in their own lives.
Everyone is entitled to a private life.

Lying to her now is more likely to cause problems later.

Good luck

'Where folk boast about wonderful fulfilling sex with their husbands but hey you single mum you've to behave yourself, you're not allowed to have sexual feelings till the kids leave home?'

Yes hun you can have sexual feelings and fuck buddies just got to use common sense and a bit of caution too when sharing a home with dc.

Thank fuck they seem to be corralled in here and not out breathing the sane air as the rest of us....there's always a silver lining😁

She has been using caution - it’s been going on for 2 years and not a single issue in all that time! Honestly have you not read the thread?

this only came about because of the GCSE exam and the OP didn’t realise she would be coming home.

I think you have the perfect set up OP. Some of the comments on this thread are off the wall. I never realised there were so many sexually uptight women on Mumsnet. I’d hate to think it was representative of the general population.

I’ve skipped quite a few messages so if this has been said I apologise. I’ve been single for 10 years and am late 60’s. I’ve had a several FWB relationships but FWB can mean very different things. Some really have been just casual - that is fine as that is always the starting point - but others have led to real friendships that are important to me. I started a FWB a year ago and it has led to a ‘real’ (whatever that means) relationship - we are exclusive, go away together, spend time together when we want etc but I don’t wash his stuff, our finances are separate - as far as I’m concerned, all the benefits of a relationship without the hassle. We will never live together as we both like our own space but do see one another 3 times a week. Perfect. My children are in their 40’s but I have grandchildren in their teens - we never discuss it and they have not met him but they probably will soon - think my DIL is a bit envious lol so stop the moralising - I enjoy sex even though I’m an old girl - just don’t want the hassle of a grumpy old man full time !

Silly remark!

OP stop replying to the mra/incels who are very jealous and bitter that you're having no strings sex on the regular. They are very obvious... saddos. You crack on. 😄

Have you received your membership card for the let's tear her down for shits and giggles club yet?

And do please stop with the "hun" as it makes you come across as a Tiktok wannabee

You reigned it in last night after upsetting that lovely lady but I see your snideness oozing out again.

Ugh

Jealous of this as well!

The bottom line is op lied to her daughter because she didn't want to be seen as less than.
For all the pontificating by the FWB fanclub, op feels it is best kept a secret we can only guess why.

Going forward will this change seeing as she now knows ?
Or will you coninue, and just try to be more careful.

I would suggest this is negative time to do this in her upbringing, your daughter at 15 will soon be turning into a consenting adult regarding sex, you now have no moral ground to stand upon.

For example, DD wants to start a relationship with who you feel is a bad influence, it happens often, you try to put your foot down, but what's she going to say....

"How on earth can you lecturing me when you're shagging my mates dad", it's going to come and may end up being an albatross around your neck for quite some time.

I shouldn't imagine she will tell her friend but this reveal may come in handy for her in the future, a bargaining tool to squash your influence over her.
Teenage girls can be a nightmare, making the wrong choices, she could end up being reluctant to listen to your advice.

But if you don't give a shit that's fine.

‘Have you DBS checked him’ just made me snort out loud. Also the amount of people who can’t imagine that a woman might enjoy sex and not be madly in love with a man afterwards is hilarious. I had many a FWB when I was in my 20’s and didn’t want to commit to a relationship. You can absolutely fancy someone and enjoy their company but know that they’re not right for a relationship. Your attitude and situation sounds extremely healthy to me.

Also you get the good bits of him and don’t have to deal with him farting or snoring in bed at night. I’d say you’re the real winner. Ignore the jealous people. ❤️

A few trolls maybe, but I think it's also indicative of how many women deep down think a woman can't have no-feelings-attached fun, consensual sex/woman are just there to be 'wank buckets' and that's how all men (except their wonderful husbands) see them

Really sad, and really batshit. I've been on MN quite a while now and this thread has genuinely made me quite sad. I thought we were further ahead than this.

Has he got a mate - I would love a man like that .😀

Really, this sounds ideal to you.

It sounds rather clinical to me whereby op escorts him up the stairs and he is then only allowed in her bedroom and the bathroom.

That description gives off definite vibes 🤔

In fact if it does ever progress to calls in the evening she could make it even clearer by possitioning runway lights sraight to the bedroom so he doesn't veer off course by accident.

No judgement at all on having a FWB in the house, but if your daughter's 15 and came home to find you and a man upstairs, or even downstairs tbh, fully clothed and easy breezy as you may well have been, she'll definitely know you were fucking.

From what I’ve seen, daughter has not asked if they are having sex so no lies told. If I was asked by my lot, I’ll tell the truth but they won’t ask as they know the answer (or perhaps they don’t as they think I’m past all that or they’re just not interested as am I about their sex lives as it’s up to them).

@OudAndRose- it suits us both just fine

Edgy

I was that child! And no, I knew exactly what they were doing...but it did give me a certain power over parental views on boyfriends.

They walk among us on here. Thankfully anyone I know in real life has a nicer attitude, but yeh it's shite xx