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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

1000 replies

Lionesseses · 09/06/2025 14:08

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

OP posts:
CantStopMoving · 10/06/2025 18:30

Roobarbtwo · 10/06/2025 18:13

Because you are lying to her. Just tell her the truth about your FWB. Stop making excuses. Just tell her you are shagging the parent of one of her pals and be done with it. Does the other daughter know about you and him? Is he hiding it as well?

Sorry why does she need to tell her daughter about her private business?

Lionesseses · 10/06/2025 18:31

BigAnne · 10/06/2025 18:25

@Lionesseses do you go to his house?

I have done a couple of times but it’s easier at mine cos the parking is a pain at his house. Plus I prefer it obviously because I don’t have to travel. The joy comes to me! Plus his shower gel made me smell like a man.

OP posts:
Deepf60 · 10/06/2025 18:32

Ignore the negative judgemental replies, you are doing nothing wrong. Those who have commented grim....well nothing wrong with good consensual sex! Obviously they have never been so lucky!
Carry on enjoying yourselves, 😉 From one very liberated 73 year old still enjoying great sex!

Whistlingformysupper · 10/06/2025 18:34

Just say something like he's thinking of changing his bedroom furniture/decor and was taking a look at yours for inspiration. Or you'd asked him to take a look at some diy/maintenance thing upstairs you weren't sure of, second pair of eyes and he's quite good at that stuff. Anything really.

OfcourseitsaNC · 10/06/2025 18:40

Lionesseses · 10/06/2025 15:28

I wasn’t going to comment again on here but sometimes I just want to (very politely) scream.

How am I reckless and how am I not bothered by by DD’s feelings? I literally arrange my occasional sexual encounters according to her whereabouts, ensuring that she isn’t in the vicinity. A mistake was made yesterday which resulted in her nearly (but not actually) seeing something.

I choose, as a sexual partner, a man I know pretty well and have known for years (we first met about 12 years ago and were casual acquaintances for a decade before anything happened).

I make every effort to keep that aspect of my life separate from her. The bed gets made, I get dressed and go back to work. There is minimal pregnancy risk. There is no financial cost. There are no strangers involved. He goes nowhere in my house except for my bedroom and bathroom.

How could I be any less reckless without having no sex at all?

Honestly, don't rise to it anymore.

I think I first posted about my FWB on MN around 3 years ago.

The only place you won't find judgement on MN about having 1, or 2, or more FWB is on the sex board.

I'm so so sad for those women on MN who are dumping on those of us who are single mums, who don't want commitment (in my case BECAUSE I'm a single mum) and...shock horror...like having sex.

CallMeBettyBoop · 10/06/2025 18:44

Praying4Peace · 09/06/2025 15:31

Call me old fashioned but derogatory all around and a bad example to your teenage daughter

Give over!

angelfacecuti75 · 10/06/2025 18:46

ClearFruit · 09/06/2025 14:35

If you wanted to avoid 'embarrassment all round', you might have thought twice about setting up a sex-only arrangement with the parent of one of your young Daughter's friends. Grim, just grim.

Have a day off will you they aren't doing anything wrong just 2 consenting adults.

asrl78 · 10/06/2025 18:48

CantStopMoving · 10/06/2025 18:30

Sorry why does she need to tell her daughter about her private business?

She doesn't need to but doing so might clear the air and ultimately eliminate any feelings of awkwardness. Since a FWB arrangement is nothing to be embarassed or ashamed about, she should have no problem telling her daughter if her daughter keeps bringing it up.

Playinwithfire · 10/06/2025 18:50

Zero advice but just want to say I love this for you!! Not idea who you are! HOWEVER I feel this is absolutely fantastic for you! Obs not the part where your daughter walks in 🤦🏻‍♀️ but yeah..

GO YOU! DO YOUR THING!!!

DoggingDave · 10/06/2025 18:50

Op Haters be jel🤘🏻

pollymere · 10/06/2025 18:51

I was watching a TV Show last night where someone said you can tell someone is lying because they give way too many reasons.

Andy is someone you know. He was over because you're both single parents. End of. "He comes around sometimes for a coffee and a chat". Leave it there. It's the truth.

Charlize43 · 10/06/2025 18:52

I think at 15 your DD knows you are fucking. She has probably told all her school mates because not being straight forward with her makes it all the more irresistible to talk about at that age.

CantStopMoving · 10/06/2025 18:53

asrl78 · 10/06/2025 18:48

She doesn't need to but doing so might clear the air and ultimately eliminate any feelings of awkwardness. Since a FWB arrangement is nothing to be embarassed or ashamed about, she should have no problem telling her daughter if her daughter keeps bringing it up.

She has already said she would discuss if her daughter asks

Blades2 · 10/06/2025 18:55

Just be truthful. Please. Take it from someone who has dealt with the teenage fall outs of dad lying about women in the house.
shes 15, she will appreciate the truth.

Playinwithfire · 10/06/2025 18:56

DoggingDave · 10/06/2025 18:50

Op Haters be jel🤘🏻

You can def spot the ones who haven't had an orgasm in a while 🙄

Gloriia · 10/06/2025 18:58

Flashahah · 10/06/2025 18:19

What the hell is forfilled? You can’t even spell the word, so I’m not sure you understand what it is!

Which wound of course make perfect sense.

Please see the post I quoted Confused.

TigerMum8 · 10/06/2025 18:58

Why are you bringing random men into the house when you have a 15 year old daughter? Has you DBS checked him?

WigglywagglyWanda · 10/06/2025 19:00

TigerMum8 · 10/06/2025 18:58

Why are you bringing random men into the house when you have a 15 year old daughter? Has you DBS checked him?

Bloody nora, why not read the thread eh
..there are no RANDOM MEN!

TigerMum8 · 10/06/2025 19:03

An FWB is random.

AnonAnonmystery · 10/06/2025 19:03

My goodness the pearl clutchers are in full force tonight!

WigglywagglyWanda · 10/06/2025 19:04

TigerMum8 · 10/06/2025 19:03

An FWB is random.

She's been friends with him for 2 years

I see like others you talk about MEN to make it sound dodgy. There is ONE man who she's been friends with for years.

Playinwithfire · 10/06/2025 19:05

TigerMum8 · 10/06/2025 19:03

An FWB is random.

How? Did you read her post?

She has known him a long time, her daughters knows him. Why can't she have a good time without ties?

Lionesseses · 10/06/2025 19:06

TigerMum8 · 10/06/2025 18:58

Why are you bringing random men into the house when you have a 15 year old daughter? Has you DBS checked him?

Have I DBS checked him?? Well a) I’m not offering him a job and b) I have known him for twelve years.

DBS checked him!!

Some people, I genuinely think, are absolutely insane.

OP posts:
hello12342345 · 10/06/2025 19:06

Just curious how the FWB arrangement came about… What do you dislike about “Andy” that makes the FWB arrangement comfortable?

Forthemarket · 10/06/2025 19:06

Well OP that was entertaining - the bizarre bat shittery judgement or projection. Sounds like enormous fun; long may it last.

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