Page 29 | Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

Lionesseses · 2025-06-09T13:08:09+00:00

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally). She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier! Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple. I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…? And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying. Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

ChessorBuckaroo · 10/06/2025 18:05

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Yeah the bleedin cheek. "You've learnt your lesson so that is something"

Million quid OP has her shit together more than this one.

And as for the other one (SquashedMallow), flat out weird.

ffsfindmeausername · 10/06/2025 18:06

Good for you op. I wouldn't mind a FWB myself!
Have you recently decorated or had any work done in the rooms upstairs. if yes you could always say he'd called for a coffee and you were showing him what you'd had done. he took his coffee upstairs while he had a look.
Isn't it awful when we feel we have to answer to our kids, this is where the role reversal starts as our kids get older 😆

Gloriia · 10/06/2025 18:07

ChessorBuckaroo · 10/06/2025 18:05

Yeah the bleedin cheek. "You've learnt your lesson so that is something"

Million quid OP has her shit together more than this one.

And as for the other one (SquashedMallow), flat out weird.

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She has said she will now lock the door so has indeed learnt a lesson, no?

Flashahah · 10/06/2025 18:08

BustyLaRoux · 10/06/2025 16:55

I don’t think you really understand this debate very well. Absolutely no one is criticising YOU for not wanting to have casual sex/put out/whatever you want to call it. They ARE criticising you for your appalling hypocritical mysogenstic views about women and their relationship to sex. You have heavily criticised and vastly over exaggerated the narrative to suit your side of this debate. You’ve passed judgement and embellished (OP has zero respect for her body, OP is desperately hanging on for some sign of recognition from FWB at the school gate whilst he casually ignores her because she has no self respect and is just his “wank bucket”, OP is shagging “random” men). None of those things are true nor have been indicated by OP in any way. You have surmised (wrongly) that these things must be true because OP has engaged in a casual sex arrangement with a trusted friend. You have used distasteful and shaming language about OP (she is a wank bucket! WTF!?). THIS is what you’re being judged and criticised for. And when people have retaliated on OP’s behalf and called you things like a prude or old or god bothering, you dare to align these comments to outdated tropes about girls who won’t put out, citing a lack of progress, and yet you are completely missing the delicious irony that your own poorly expressed, slut shaming views are the other side of the coin! You are the one wheeling out backward, offensive, mysogenist views about women (women who do choose to have sex in a casual way are pathetic, lack self respect, describing their intimate parts as a bucket FFS!) and yet you criticise people who have attacked your views and the way you’ve expressed them for their backward outdated views. You must be able to see the irony in that.
You have been so vile and so critical about the behaviour of someone else when it is not your place. OP didn’t come here to ask if she should be ashamed of her behaviour or asking for judgement and yet for some reason you felt your place to take this position. Naturally people have challenged you on that. Instead of accepting you have massively overstepped and really been quite offensive, you dig in harder! You started off criticising OP and when people pulled you up on it, you got upset about being criticised. What a joke!
It is absolutely fine to have your views about casual sex, but you cannot criticise other people for having their views. We are all allowed to have different views. You went in hard on OP and got what you deserved because frankly your views are anti feminist and the way you expressed them was pretty disgusting. Why are we even having a conversation in 2025 about why women should behave differently to men or else fear the judgement of others I do not know.

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Brilliant post!

Roobarbtwo · 10/06/2025 18:09

ffsfindmeausername · 10/06/2025 18:06

Good for you op. I wouldn't mind a FWB myself!
Have you recently decorated or had any work done in the rooms upstairs. if yes you could always say he'd called for a coffee and you were showing him what you'd had done. he took his coffee upstairs while he had a look.
Isn't it awful when we feel we have to answer to our kids, this is where the role reversal starts as our kids get older 😆

Why does she need to lie to her daughter

Flashahah · 10/06/2025 18:10

SwimSwamSwimSwam · 10/06/2025 16:35

You do know there is something called Advance Search on here, don't you?

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Thank you for the reminder….. interesting reading

Roobarbtwo · 10/06/2025 18:13

Lionesseses · 10/06/2025 15:28

I wasn’t going to comment again on here but sometimes I just want to (very politely) scream.

How am I reckless and how am I not bothered by by DD’s feelings? I literally arrange my occasional sexual encounters according to her whereabouts, ensuring that she isn’t in the vicinity. A mistake was made yesterday which resulted in her nearly (but not actually) seeing something.

I choose, as a sexual partner, a man I know pretty well and have known for years (we first met about 12 years ago and were casual acquaintances for a decade before anything happened).

I make every effort to keep that aspect of my life separate from her. The bed gets made, I get dressed and go back to work. There is minimal pregnancy risk. There is no financial cost. There are no strangers involved. He goes nowhere in my house except for my bedroom and bathroom.

How could I be any less reckless without having no sex at all?

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Because you are lying to her. Just tell her the truth about your FWB. Stop making excuses. Just tell her you are shagging the parent of one of her pals and be done with it. Does the other daughter know about you and him? Is he hiding it as well?

independentfriend · 10/06/2025 18:14

I think this problem is situation specific to the exam timetable being in operation so it won't/can't happen again in quite the same way.

Once your daughter is in sixth form/ college her timetable is likely to be freer but perhaps she'll be further away if sixth form isn't attached to her school. Worth thinking about potential interruptions at his place and maybe going there if it's 'safer'.

You could try noisy security measures - gravel you walk over to get to the door / a beaded curtain or something else noisy you walk through as you enter the house for a bit of immediate warning of her coming in (but detrimental to anybody coming in quietly at night /leaving early for work trying not to disturb someone sleeping)

BustyLaRoux · 10/06/2025 18:15

Anyone else pissing themselves at @SquashedMallow’s incessant need to go on about penises, vaginas and vulvas?!! I’m literally dying! And all the sarcastic comments cheering on the good old Brits (what have Brits got to do with anything?) and how very empowered us fallen women must all be, unable to control our unseemly lustful urges (which ladies, do remember, are just physical urges which we must try to overcome!), lest we be responsible for the complete breakdown of society as we know it! Guard your loins, girls. Don’t let a penis near you. Stick to masturbation (surprised we’re allowed to do that! Surely only the depraved would engage in this form of self abasement!!). Control your vulvas!!! Do not let the randoms within sight in case a penis emerges and tries to disrespect you by engaging you in a mutually consensual physical act. Remember the penis owner may not want to marry you, and then where will you be?
Carry me out. I’m done.

hellhavenofury35 · 10/06/2025 18:15

No idea what advice to give your daughter. To all the prudish comments...my lord let the people shag much better than being grumpy and unforfilled.

Roobarbtwo · 10/06/2025 18:16

Lionesseses · 09/06/2025 14:18

I wondered the same thing but it’s apparently to do with exams. She did ring me but I was… busy.
School is only a little distance away as well. In Y11 they are allowed out at lunchtime so she does very occasionally come home. But never before without advance warning.

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Ah right. She phoned you to tell you she was coming home early but you were busy shagging her pals dad? You sound really flippant about this. You don't sound concerned in the slightest about your daughter or her feelings - only that you might have been caught.

Gloriia · 10/06/2025 18:17

hellhavenofury35 · 10/06/2025 18:15

No idea what advice to give your daughter. To all the prudish comments...my lord let the people shag much better than being grumpy and unforfilled.

I'm very forfilled thanks.

It isn't about shagging it's about being discreet with a causal shag with a teen about..

Flashahah · 10/06/2025 18:18

BustyLaRoux · 10/06/2025 18:15

Anyone else pissing themselves at @SquashedMallow’s incessant need to go on about penises, vaginas and vulvas?!! I’m literally dying! And all the sarcastic comments cheering on the good old Brits (what have Brits got to do with anything?) and how very empowered us fallen women must all be, unable to control our unseemly lustful urges (which ladies, do remember, are just physical urges which we must try to overcome!), lest we be responsible for the complete breakdown of society as we know it! Guard your loins, girls. Don’t let a penis near you. Stick to masturbation (surprised we’re allowed to do that! Surely only the depraved would engage in this form of self abasement!!). Control your vulvas!!! Do not let the randoms within sight in case a penis emerges and tries to disrespect you by engaging you in a mutually consensual physical act. Remember the penis owner may not want to marry you, and then where will you be?
Carry me out. I’m done.

This is why the laughing emoticon should not have been removed!

tuvamoodyson · 10/06/2025 18:18

Pawse · 09/06/2025 14:39

Blimey OP I have no suggestions for you but just wanted to say ignore the "Grim"
Posters!!

I mean what's grim about it? Two free single consensual adults having well needed fun.

There are some very strange people about!!

Just different opinions…nothing strange about that surely. Anyway, she’ll have worked it out for herself. You all bright and breezy and two coffee cups on the bedroom…doesn’t take a genius to know what’s going on! She is 15 after all!

Flashahah · 10/06/2025 18:19

Gloriia · 10/06/2025 18:17

I'm very forfilled thanks.

It isn't about shagging it's about being discreet with a causal shag with a teen about..

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What the hell is forfilled? You can’t even spell the word, so I’m not sure you understand what it is!

Which wound of course make perfect sense.

AiryFairyLights · 10/06/2025 18:20

Lionesseses · 10/06/2025 15:28

I wasn’t going to comment again on here but sometimes I just want to (very politely) scream.

How am I reckless and how am I not bothered by by DD’s feelings? I literally arrange my occasional sexual encounters according to her whereabouts, ensuring that she isn’t in the vicinity. A mistake was made yesterday which resulted in her nearly (but not actually) seeing something.

I choose, as a sexual partner, a man I know pretty well and have known for years (we first met about 12 years ago and were casual acquaintances for a decade before anything happened).

I make every effort to keep that aspect of my life separate from her. The bed gets made, I get dressed and go back to work. There is minimal pregnancy risk. There is no financial cost. There are no strangers involved. He goes nowhere in my house except for my bedroom and bathroom.

How could I be any less reckless without having no sex at all?

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Coming to this late @Lionesseses but honestly just go with ‘you’re just friends and he was helping you out with something’ and leave it at that x
No judgement here - if you’re both happy and you’re not hurting anyone else then do what works for you! 🥰

WigglywagglyWanda · 10/06/2025 18:20

Gloriia · 10/06/2025 18:07

She has said she will now lock the door so has indeed learnt a lesson, no?

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Would be good if you would learn one in manners.

Not holding out any hope for that one🤣

Lovemeapickledgherkin · 10/06/2025 18:22

BeachRide · 09/06/2025 14:23

Your attitude is grim.

There’s always a “Judgy McJudgeface” to piously cast judgement. Two consenting adults enjoying consensual no- stings sex. Where’s the harm?

ffsfindmeausername · 10/06/2025 18:22

I think there are a few trolls on a wind up posting on this thread as surely no woman is that uptight, prudish and pearl clutching in 2025 ffs. Or i think they're still stuck in the 1950s housewife mode wearing a pinny and rollers, or is Mary Whitehouse still alive and a mnetter? lol

CarelessUdder · 10/06/2025 18:23

Bear with me, but could you actually just tell her the truth? It might surprise her, but it might also liberate her. Knowing that in the future she could have a happy and fulfilled sex life without needing to be married or in a long-term relationship seems like a really positive thing to be able to impart to her. Hiding it as you currently are, could make her think there's something shameful or embarrassing about having sex. Or make her feel secretive about her sex life when she gets one. Telling her could actually open her eyes a bit. Obviously it could complicate things with the friend, and whether she'd be able to keep your confidence. Good for you either way for having some afternoon delight!

hellhavenofury35 · 10/06/2025 18:23

See grumpy...clearly not snagging anyone 😂

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 10/06/2025 18:25

StarCourt · 09/06/2025 14:43

what’s with all the grim comments?

Some people think we’re still in the Middle Ages when it comes to women and sex apparently

BigAnne · 10/06/2025 18:25

@Lionesseses do you go to his house?

WigglywagglyWanda · 10/06/2025 18:26

BustyLaRoux · 10/06/2025 18:15

Anyone else pissing themselves at @SquashedMallow’s incessant need to go on about penises, vaginas and vulvas?!! I’m literally dying! And all the sarcastic comments cheering on the good old Brits (what have Brits got to do with anything?) and how very empowered us fallen women must all be, unable to control our unseemly lustful urges (which ladies, do remember, are just physical urges which we must try to overcome!), lest we be responsible for the complete breakdown of society as we know it! Guard your loins, girls. Don’t let a penis near you. Stick to masturbation (surprised we’re allowed to do that! Surely only the depraved would engage in this form of self abasement!!). Control your vulvas!!! Do not let the randoms within sight in case a penis emerges and tries to disrespect you by engaging you in a mutually consensual physical act. Remember the penis owner may not want to marry you, and then where will you be?
Carry me out. I’m done.

Totally

It's the munsnet version of Chubby Brown and Bernard Manning 🤣

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/06/2025 18:29

OP, don't worry. No need to apologize or justify.
Give it a few days then ask your dd if there is anything she wants to discuss. If she asks again tell her he is a friend, you have a special and private relationship and you want it to stay that way.