Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

[Lionesseses]

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

I don’t think you’re male, I think you’re a fearful god bothered, who has been forced to listen to a lot of nonsense for a long time.

Curiosity is fine but it still doesn't make her entitled to details about OP's sex life.

I'm not agist it's about being respectful.
Would op like her own mother to walk in whilst she's with her fuck buddy, probably not, hopefully she's savvy enough for that not to occur. She should afford her own daughter that respect.

Everyone knows kids who are in their final year doing exams frequently have revision periods and free periods and she lives only round the corner, it seems to me op didn't really give a shit about being caught.

That's not respectful of another generation, her daughter.

Her daughter has not yet reached this period of life whereby sex can be completely devoid of love, she may never reach that, don't make her view your world.

Is it a random after 2 years?

But everything to do with your view that religion is a positive thing to follow when in a sexual relationship

Why is it?

Indeed!
We have been infiltrated 🤣

It's a tricky one. I have two teenage sons (15 and 17) and I don't think I want them to be OK with routine "casual sex" - I'd hope they were in at least a relationship rather than a FWB scenario.
So I've tried to be a role model of that and they've only known me to have a relationship "at home" with two men - their dad (my first husband) and my second husband (their stepdad).
That's not to say I didn't date other men when I was single, but it wasn't ever a FWB scenario and I ensured it wasn't something my boys would ever come home to.

So what do you think OP''s reaction to her daughter's curiosity should be?

" It's none if your business " is hardly calculated to encourage a close relationship with her daughter. OP can hardly expect her daughter to confide in her if she shuts her out of her own life in such an abrupt way. And a teenage girl should be comfortable confiding in her mother.

Or should OP lie to her? Personally I think lying in any relationship is a death knell. Why should her daughter ever trust a mother that lies to her.

She's been lying to her own daughter for 2 years.

Her own daughter hasn't a clue whose in her own home shagging her mother when she leaves the house.

That can be quite upsetting.

Keep it brief, details aren't necessary. OP doesn't need to discuss details of her sex life to have a close relationship with her daughter nor does it mean that OP would be shutting her out of her life. She's just allowed some privacy.

I dont think any one would expect OP to give a detailed description of exactly what they were physically doing!

She’s not been lying at all!

You're not getting any interest from anybody?

She doesn't even need to know they are having sex at all. Again, I'm not sure why she even needs to know that detail.

He was at the house (obviously) and they are friends. Say no if she asks if they are together because they aren't.

@SouthLondonMum22 I'm sure her daughter is not that naive.

Then she has no reason to be 'curious' if she already knows.

How old are you? Because your views are outdated and you are exaggerating about op's situation to suit your agenda.

Op is not elderly and the said man is not a milk man.

I dont have a daughter. I have a son.
But I've always tried to be as open and honest with him as possible.
I obviously have never gone into inappropriate details about my life but I've always tried to discuss and talk about things, especially those which have a direct bearing on his life.
I can't imagine a situation where I would deliberately withhold stuff from him and try to deceive him.

@Lionesseses I wouldn’t worry about it and yes, at 15 I expect your DD is well aware of what a FWB is!
I think some Mumnetters forget that the post millennial teenagers have a much greater awareness then teens of the 80’s and 90’s even early 00s- they would hardly find this shocking, in fact casual relationships are the ‘norm’.

Eh ?

I have two daughters and a son.

I'm married to their dad and I don't plan to tell them anything about my sex life but then DH doesn't really know anything about my sex life before I met him. I just don't see it as anyone's business but my own.

If I was a single parent and had a FWB situation with no plans for anything serious, I'd see no need for my daughters or son to be aware of it. Something serious would be different because it would potentially involve them at some point.

When they are at school? Not necessary.

I was talking/infering about the op's elderly mother.

You know a middle aged woman's mother.

She’s 15, she’s old enough to know the truth. What if she finds out from someone else, how’s she going to feel about you lying to her? If you lie it’s quite likely she won’t believe you anyway, and then the trust will be gone. Going forward, why would she be honest with you if you’re not honest with her?

You might break the trust of your teen if you don't tell them you have an fwb. I've heard it all now 🫠😂