Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

[Lionesseses]

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

Who said "give" to a man ? You're making things up. I bet you wouldn't use bullying language if a Muslim woman declared her views on sex would you? No course not. You'd be oh so respectful then. Guess old white Brits aren't allowed to have respect for their bodies

You're lying about what I said. "Corrupted" you quoted a word I never said nor implied. It's because you're brainwashed into thinking that any woman who respects her body and who the hell sticks their penis in it, must be an uptight girdle wearing 1930s virgin. Very odd assumptions.

What bullying language?

I dislike all religions equally if that helps.

It happens to the best of us @Lionesseses

DS returned home to pop in and get something whilst FWB and I were having sex. My bedroom door was closed, but we weren't being quiet, as we knew the house would be empty for the week. DS had different ideas. He couldn't not have heard.

I only know DS popped in because of the Ring doorbell. I never told FWB, as he'd have freaked.

I never mentioned it to DS and vice versa.

She'll have a very good idea why Andy was there. You're putting more checks in place. She'll unlikely mention it to you. All is well.

I bet your next meet will be a lot more giggly!

I'm sorry, but 😂

Two entirely consenting adults having regular sex outside marriage is not "Sodom and Gomorrah". Society will not collapse. Their children will survive as the vast majority of children do when they discover that - horror of horrors - their parents, whether they are married or not, are also adults in their own right and still have sex.

No. But a 'relationship' is a good place to start for sharing bodies isn't it ? Being a wank bucket for a friend (because however empowered you pretend you feel, that's what you'll be viewed as) is not a great place to start. Why on earth would you want the penis of a friend in your body ? That is no "friend" at all. If you fancy them enough to get naked, that's a relationship, albeit one where you probably not going to be getting married and buying houses.

Yes I think there is some inconsistency between OP's views on sex, as expressed in her posts, and the fact she wasn't just open about things with her DD when she came home.

But the OP is in a relationship with the dad. A casual sex relationship but a relationship all the same. They just haven’t put a label on it as they never have needed to

why have you decided to focus on people having sex with multiple partners at the same time. No one on here is suggesting that that is necessarily a good idea (although if consensual it isn’t anyone else’s business).

you are confusing a FWB casual sex relationship with having with sex with anyone at anytime which is completely different scenario to the OP.

OP being open about sex doesn't mean that she might not also want a private life without DD knowing her business.

Nope, I'm not "lying", as you well know (you are though, with that hyperbolic accusation, well done). The implication of corruption in your posts was clear. And no, I'm not brainwashed, thanks. I just have an opinion that differs from yours, which I consider rigid, limited and small-minded. And, as we all are, am perfectly entitled to comment on that.

I'm sure you imagine you're being very morally upstanding. I wouldn't agree. But you do you. It's really no skin off anyone's nose here.

Exactly.

Very strange.

I dont think OP can have it both ways: either she isn't ashamed of the sex with this man or she is ashamed.
If she isn't ashamed of it then I dont see how being honest with her daughter invades her privacy.

Because it isn't any of her daughters business. She isn't entitled to details about OP's sex life.

That doesn't mean that OP is ashamed. It's just projection.

@SquashedMallow

Your concern is sweet but I’m sure Op knows all she needs to know about safe sex and birth control!
Honestly lighten up! She is having good sex with a man she trusts, neither of them want a relationship with each other. It’s a great arrangement.

Her DD walked into her own home.
What goes on in her own home is her business.
And OP is her mother so of course she has investment in her mother's life to some extent.

@SquashedMallow

Why would she be a “wank bucket”? You do realise plenty of women enjoy sex just as much as men? Presumably OP is one of those women hence her arrangement with this man, she is very clear that she doesn’t want a relationship with him therefore she is in it for the sex…because she likes sex.

😂🤣

Goodness me, this thread took a turn!
I think, OP, you could just lock the door in the future but you know that now. 😂
Maybe set up an elaborate booby trap over the door.

Or an alarm that starts blaring out ‘INTRUDER ALERT, INTRUDER ALERT 🚨’

that would kill the mood quickly…;

Well, I'm sure her "FWB" views her that way - a lady that enjoys sex. I'm sure he does.... Probably has lots of respect for her and her body. I bet that makes her feel great about herself when she sees him at pick up and doesn't barely get acknowledged. Just a text next time his balls are full. I guess if you don't mind being viewed thst way then kudos to you. I don't think many of us would want our daughters being viewed like that though, hey.

@SquashedMallow

i think you’re really overestimating the degree to which OP’s sense of self-worth is contingent on what this man thinks of her. I really don’t think she cares. She is getting exactly what she wants from their arrangement.

newsflash! She is only in it for the sex! Just the same as he is! Because it’s not just men who like sex! Get over it.

@SquashedMallow

“Just a text next time his balls are full.”

well yeah! That’s what Op wants, the clue is in the title - FWB. She doesn’t want him to text her for a game of scrabble. She wants sex.

If one of your go-to phrases is ‘wank bucket’ then I suspect you probably shouldn’t be advising women of any age.

I have to say both my DC would have bought an excuse about the FWB coming over to help with plumbing or fix a cupboard door etc etc..But they were completely self absorbed at that age.

Clearly worried about losing the respect of her daughter, which is quite possible.

Her daughter's views may allign to some of the more 'pruddish' posters on here and I'm sure at the end of the day I bet her mother would find that preferable.

I do wonder how many of the women on here would enjoy finding their elderly mothers inflagranti with the milkman, or would you whoop, whoop her and give her a high five as an old dodery git pulls his kecks up, even worse the father of your friend.

I feel a certain age group tend to think sex is only for them, for them to break the rules, to be insensitive to other's feelings and to mock anyone who is not as adventurous or cool as them.
They tend to embarrass themselves in front of other generations.

Rules are not for them, until they are.