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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

1000 replies

Lionesseses · 09/06/2025 14:08

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

OP posts:
Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 09/06/2025 20:13

I think he was helping you put something in the loft🤷‍♀️

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/06/2025 20:13

MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 20:11

Only because the daughter is in yr11, and Biology is a very popular paper.

Not every student does separate sciences. Though it doesn't really matter, she didn't have an exam and OP clearly didn't expect her home early.

Cherrytree86 · 09/06/2025 20:14

BeachRide · 09/06/2025 14:23

Your attitude is grim.

@BeachRide

eh?? What’s grim about OP’s attitude??

WigglywagglyWanda · 09/06/2025 20:15

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 09/06/2025 20:13

I think he was helping you put something in the loft🤷‍♀️

Noone wants to put anything in my loft these days😭😭😭😭😭

Flashahah · 09/06/2025 20:15

MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 20:11

Only because the daughter is in yr11, and Biology is a very popular paper.

But you’re wrong…

Assume

makes an

Ass of u and me!

As this perfectly shows.

Tiswa · 09/06/2025 20:15

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/06/2025 20:13

Not every student does separate sciences. Though it doesn't really matter, she didn't have an exam and OP clearly didn't expect her home early.

No but unless it is Igcse every exam board is runs the same science at the same time whether it is a triple or combined paper or higher or foundation.

MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 20:16

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/06/2025 20:13

Not every student does separate sciences. Though it doesn't really matter, she didn't have an exam and OP clearly didn't expect her home early.

No, but the school is running a bit of a strange system and the parents should be informed of exactly when students are in school, for Safeguarding purposes. You can't just send them home, it sounds like an odd situation.
. Anyway, that's all a bit of a derail.
Good luck OP! She'll be fine.

FiveBarGate · 09/06/2025 20:21

Can you just tell her that you've met up a few times with a view to maybe dating but you don't think it will go anywhere and you've both decided friends is better..

She is old enough to read between the lines in terms of coffee cups in bedrooms but equally can tell herself it's not that if easier for her.

It explains why he was there but equally doesn't set up an expectation you'll be in a relationship and all that entails for her.

Brush it off as a 'we thought about it but decided it's a no go '.

Tiswa · 09/06/2025 20:25

MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 20:16

No, but the school is running a bit of a strange system and the parents should be informed of exactly when students are in school, for Safeguarding purposes. You can't just send them home, it sounds like an odd situation.
. Anyway, that's all a bit of a derail.
Good luck OP! She'll be fine.

If you sign it off most year 11s yes they can come and go as they please - it would have all been timetabled and agreed!

Dinosaurshoebox · 09/06/2025 20:26

Praying4Peace · 09/06/2025 19:44

Very worrying indeed

Can I suggest a very thorough fucking.

I find a lot of worries dissappear when I've had my back doors smashed through and I can't walk straight.

Burntt · 09/06/2025 20:28

Haha. Good for you op. Ignore the haters, you are not introducing ransoms into your kids life you are meeting your needs like an adult and not involving your kids in a new blended family. I think your way is fine if not sensible tbh.

in your situation I’d have a pre prepared excuse ready so I don’t have to think on the spot. Help with your laptop or a leaky tap or whatever. If she’s worked it out I’d then just be semi honest with very limited details substitute sex for conversation in your explanation but if she asks directly then admit to fwb. Something like: you are not looking for a new partner or for someone to take on a role in your child’s life you just want an adult to have some grown up conversation with sometimes and he’s a good guy for that.

supercali77 · 09/06/2025 20:28

What's with the 'not in the family home' crap. Where else? The back of a car? Wtf. Presumably OP pays for her home, has her own bedroom, her own bed, and is free to do whatever the f**k she likes when her daughters out.

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/06/2025 20:34

Tiswa · 09/06/2025 20:15

No but unless it is Igcse every exam board is runs the same science at the same time whether it is a triple or combined paper or higher or foundation.

Again though, it doesn't really matter since DD didn't in fact have an exam today.

Cherrytree86 · 09/06/2025 20:34

Why are so many mumsnetters so prudish about sex?!

And believe that when a woman becomes a mother, her sexuality should just evaporate into thin air and she should turn into a martyr, her own wants and needs completely subjugated?

It’s completely untrue, such bullshit, and needs debunking… Although I guess would as many woman have kids and would the patriarchy survive?!

Praying4Peace · 09/06/2025 20:43

Dinosaurshoebox · 09/06/2025 20:26

Can I suggest a very thorough fucking.

I find a lot of worries dissappear when I've had my back doors smashed through and I can't walk straight.

Rude and unnecessary response

Lionesseses · 09/06/2025 20:44

Cherrytree86 · 09/06/2025 20:34

Why are so many mumsnetters so prudish about sex?!

And believe that when a woman becomes a mother, her sexuality should just evaporate into thin air and she should turn into a martyr, her own wants and needs completely subjugated?

It’s completely untrue, such bullshit, and needs debunking… Although I guess would as many woman have kids and would the patriarchy survive?!

It is bizarre. Especially in this instance given that I’m having a sporadic amount of sex with the same man every time. Is it really just that we’re not living in the same house?

I’ve had sex with one man in five years and two in twenty. Between 2019 and 2023 I had sex a total of zero times. A brazen hussy I am really not.

OP posts:
WigglywagglyWanda · 09/06/2025 20:45

Praying4Peace · 09/06/2025 20:43

Rude and unnecessary response

Truths gotta hurt

MustafaFagg · 09/06/2025 20:46

Just say 'he was sticking something up for me'.............

Piccante · 09/06/2025 20:46

Praying4Peace · 09/06/2025 19:43

Because you are demonstrating that it is OK to have casual sex with someone you are not in a relationship with.
Your daughter is at an impressionable age and casual sexual relationships should be off bounds when it comes to your kids, irrespective of age.
Everyone is allowed sexual relationships of their choosing but not when it impacts on their families

Quantify relationship.

Technically, OP & her FWB are in a relationship, have been for two years. Just because others don't know about it, doesn't make it any less valid than if they did. They are in a relationship that suits them.

What's really grinding your gears is that OP & her friend are not married.

Muy escandaloso 😳🙄

MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 20:46

Tiswa · 09/06/2025 20:25

If you sign it off most year 11s yes they can come and go as they please - it would have all been timetabled and agreed!

Makes my head spin with the logistics. I was just happy to sign ours off on Study Leave 3 weeks ago 😂

Cherrytree86 · 09/06/2025 20:46

Praying4Peace · 09/06/2025 20:43

Rude and unnecessary response

@Praying4Peace

you’ll get over it.

TY78910 · 09/06/2025 20:47

Lionesseses · 09/06/2025 20:44

It is bizarre. Especially in this instance given that I’m having a sporadic amount of sex with the same man every time. Is it really just that we’re not living in the same house?

I’ve had sex with one man in five years and two in twenty. Between 2019 and 2023 I had sex a total of zero times. A brazen hussy I am really not.

You really don’t have to explain yourself! Enjoy!

SwimSwamSwimSwam · 09/06/2025 20:47

Lionesseses · 09/06/2025 20:44

It is bizarre. Especially in this instance given that I’m having a sporadic amount of sex with the same man every time. Is it really just that we’re not living in the same house?

I’ve had sex with one man in five years and two in twenty. Between 2019 and 2023 I had sex a total of zero times. A brazen hussy I am really not.

Ignore the judgemental batshit posters OP.

Cherrytree86 · 09/06/2025 20:47

Piccante · 09/06/2025 20:46

Quantify relationship.

Technically, OP & her FWB are in a relationship, have been for two years. Just because others don't know about it, doesn't make it any less valid than if they did. They are in a relationship that suits them.

What's really grinding your gears is that OP & her friend are not married.

Muy escandaloso 😳🙄

@Praying4Peace

its hasn’t been impacting OP’s family though has it

SwimSwamSwimSwam · 09/06/2025 20:48

Praying4Peace · 09/06/2025 20:43

Rude and unnecessary response

You're not coming across well on here.

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