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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

1000 replies

Lionesseses · 09/06/2025 14:08

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

OP posts:
LosingSleeping · 09/06/2025 19:48

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 09/06/2025 19:45

Jealousy coming her way. Jealous of what exactly some random women having a shag on Monday afternoon. Do you think the rest of us are all ugly cunts that can’t get a man or women. __

😂

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 19:49

The op can and should have sex with whomever she wants!

but some of us are just a bit 🤔 that you chose Monday afternoon, knowing your dd would have finished an exam that morning and that the school was around the corner 🤷

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/06/2025 19:54

Praying4Peace · 09/06/2025 19:43

Because you are demonstrating that it is OK to have casual sex with someone you are not in a relationship with.
Your daughter is at an impressionable age and casual sexual relationships should be off bounds when it comes to your kids, irrespective of age.
Everyone is allowed sexual relationships of their choosing but not when it impacts on their families

It is ok to have casual sex.

Flashahah · 09/06/2025 19:55

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 19:45

Tell me about it!

So you trawl MN, spend hours of time berating other posters and their life choices.

Some stress buster that is! Maybe try a walk in future?

LosingSleeping · 09/06/2025 19:56

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 19:49

The op can and should have sex with whomever she wants!

but some of us are just a bit 🤔 that you chose Monday afternoon, knowing your dd would have finished an exam that morning and that the school was around the corner 🤷

Which could lead us to think op may be more invested than the male in this FWB relationship.

Making reckless appointments to please him, we have already heard she's worried this reveal could end her arrangement.

TY78910 · 09/06/2025 20:00

BeachRide · 09/06/2025 14:23

Your attitude is grim.

Umm why?

wordywitch · 09/06/2025 20:01

Praying4Peace · 09/06/2025 19:37

U r missing the point.
Having casual sexual relationships should be strictly off bounds in the vicinity of your children, irrespective of age

Says who? The Pope?

And ‘U r’? I hope you don’t role model such appalling grammar in front of your children in the family home! 😱

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 20:01

Flashahah · 09/06/2025 19:55

So you trawl MN, spend hours of time berating other posters and their life choices.

Some stress buster that is! Maybe try a walk in future?

What are you on about 😆

my post says the op can have sex whenever and with whoever she likes!!!

WigglywagglyWanda · 09/06/2025 20:02

Flashahah · 09/06/2025 19:55

So you trawl MN, spend hours of time berating other posters and their life choices.

Some stress buster that is! Maybe try a walk in future?

Actually you make a good point

Much more fun to have wild abandoned sex and a nice cuppa and hobnob with a nice guy you trust (not a fucking stranger) than sat huddled in front of a screen pontificating on how to bring up your children.

Mine are grown up now with their own families and i had some narrow escapes.

I'm in my 60s and happily married but those times make me smile!

Op ignore the Grims,🥰

LosingSleeping · 09/06/2025 20:02

I think most daughters would like to see their mothers treated like a queen rather than a secretive afternoon delight shag.

It's how it is.

Lionesseses · 09/06/2025 20:02

Just to be clear, DD didn’t have an exam today. Exams wouldn’t have finished by the time my friend and I had finished anyway.
The school is running a different timetable for the Y11s at the moment because of exams. They have revision time and free periods as well as the regular stuff and their exams.

OP posts:
MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 20:03

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 19:47

we had just had sex

dd finished exam, papers collected, spoke with friends, gathered her bits and walked home.

What's your point? Once more - I was challenging the poster who said that the OP was having sex in the vicinity of her child. She clearly wasn't!

Rushie123 · 09/06/2025 20:04

BeachRide · 09/06/2025 14:23

Your attitude is grim.

In what way? They are consenting adults and is entitled to sleep with who she wants… she is also entitled to not want her daughter to know…

MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 20:05

Lionesseses · 09/06/2025 20:02

Just to be clear, DD didn’t have an exam today. Exams wouldn’t have finished by the time my friend and I had finished anyway.
The school is running a different timetable for the Y11s at the moment because of exams. They have revision time and free periods as well as the regular stuff and their exams.

So she didn't do Biology. The school aren't allowing study leave? They're gluttons for punishment 😂.
She'll probably be doing Maths on Weds morning - just a suggestion 😉

Flashahah · 09/06/2025 20:05

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 20:01

What are you on about 😆

my post says the op can have sex whenever and with whoever she likes!!!

Edited

It also says you’re stressed, sex is a better stress reliever than trawling MN I’m sure!

And stop with all
the “faux” I’ve said OP can have sex with who she wants, whilst being as judgy as hell!

we can all see you!

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 20:07

MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 20:03

What's your point? Once more - I was challenging the poster who said that the OP was having sex in the vicinity of her child. She clearly wasn't!

But kind of safe to think that after your dd finishes her gcse exam and school around the corner… that the chances she might come home is, well let’s say not out of the realms of possibility.

Go for it, sure, just maybe be a little
more thoughtful around your timing 🤷‍♀️

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/06/2025 20:08

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 20:07

But kind of safe to think that after your dd finishes her gcse exam and school around the corner… that the chances she might come home is, well let’s say not out of the realms of possibility.

Go for it, sure, just maybe be a little
more thoughtful around your timing 🤷‍♀️

OP has just clarified that her DD didn't have an exam. Assumptions were made and they were incorrect.

MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 20:08

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 20:07

But kind of safe to think that after your dd finishes her gcse exam and school around the corner… that the chances she might come home is, well let’s say not out of the realms of possibility.

Go for it, sure, just maybe be a little
more thoughtful around your timing 🤷‍♀️

Oh I see! 😂.
Maybe have the timetable somewhere very obvious!

Flashahah · 09/06/2025 20:08

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 20:07

But kind of safe to think that after your dd finishes her gcse exam and school around the corner… that the chances she might come home is, well let’s say not out of the realms of possibility.

Go for it, sure, just maybe be a little
more thoughtful around your timing 🤷‍♀️

”sigh” keep up, no exam for the DD today….

WigglywagglyWanda · 09/06/2025 20:08

MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 20:03

What's your point? Once more - I was challenging the poster who said that the OP was having sex in the vicinity of her child. She clearly wasn't!

According to this thread OP had sex with strangers, in the vicinity of her child, she's putting FWB in front of her child's needs, she should have gone to a hotel that would be OK. It's vile, it's grim, it's got allllll the hallmarks of Mumsnet Bingo!

Whoooohooo get the popcorn out🥳🥳🥳🥳

BustyLaRoux · 09/06/2025 20:09

WTF is wrong with people? Shag who you like! It’s not grim. It’s not embarrassing. Why attach shame to sex? I know teenagers can be easily grimmed out by stuff like this, but that doesn’t mean we should avoid the sex just in case they get embarrassed! If anything I’d be nonchalant about it. You can sleep with her friend’s dad if you want to. Why on earth would that be grim? Who should you shag instead? Someone you met in a pub? The workman who came to your house? The guy next door? Some chap you met in the street? Who would meet with the approval of these pearl clutching, holier than thou, sex shaming, old fashioned, dried up ninnies? I will bet there isn’t a man on here who would disapprove. Why do women judge other women so harshly? Fuck who you want. Yes, in your own house! The horror.!!!!!

Sunholidays · 09/06/2025 20:09

Just tell her the truth. Otherwise she's going to suspect that there is something going on and might to catch you unawares again. You'll never be sure that she's not going to turn up at home unexpectedly.

TY78910 · 09/06/2025 20:11

LosingSleeping · 09/06/2025 20:02

I think most daughters would like to see their mothers treated like a queen rather than a secretive afternoon delight shag.

It's how it is.

Ffs. Women can choose how they want to build relationships with men, and if it’s an ‘afternoon delight’ or a long term situation, both are fine. OP clearly doesn’t want to go in to the ins and outs of it with her daughter so your comment is a bit redundant.

MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 20:11

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/06/2025 20:08

OP has just clarified that her DD didn't have an exam. Assumptions were made and they were incorrect.

Only because the daughter is in yr11, and Biology is a very popular paper.

Sunholidays · 09/06/2025 20:11

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!).

She probably suspects that you are in a relationship with this guy and that you don't trust her with the truth.

Anyway, what do you mean "it's not the kind of concept"? this does not make any sense.

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