Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

[Lionesseses]

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

It was casual sex in family home
Wrong all around.
Daughter at impressionable age

👏👏👏 This is the attitude! Honestly some of the responses on this thread are so insane 😂

Have you decided what you’re going to tell your daughter OP? How exactly did you deal with it in the moment?

For what it’s worth, my DS almost ‘caught’ me with a FWB twice. His father went through a phase of dropping off much earlier than agreed. Horrific experience at the time but I still laugh at having to throw a half clothed man out my back door 🤣

Oh please - it's not like it's someone different each week.

And not exhibited in family home

I’m so sorry you’re in this same shitty situation @Piccante. It’s never helped by pious judgemental harpies who have no fucking clue what we are going through just to hold ourselves and our children together and to try to heal our fractured souls. And if that includes some casual sex, that, let’s face it, other than an unexpected near miss (like the OPs), our children are likely to never know anything about, then that’s what it takes (if and when we are ever ready).

There should be zero moral judgment or need to validate ourselves, it just gets old when you hear people sanctimoniously prattling on “oh if you’re ok with casual sex”. I don’t even know if I ever will be. Or any sex at all for that matter. But I don’t need to justify it if I ever am. Sex is fab hahha.

hugs to you too

But it is casual sex with a strangers who are not in a relationship
And doing it in family home? +??

Very nice indeed!

(I am going to avoid suggesting a couple of chocolate fingers as an addition as that would be immature and puerile)

I know. It's the family home that kills me. They should be out doing it in a field.

No it isn't.

Don’t hurt yourself with that reach. A teenager is not a toddler, they can understand that their parents are autonomous human beings, not perfect robots with no needs or life of their own.

I assume then that you never drink alcohol, eat takeaway food, or ever go even 1mph over the speed limit in front of your children - lest they then get the impression it’s okay to get shitfaced drunk, gorge on junk food all day, and drive recklessly? 🙄

Not

Or a hotel?

Should she have been doing it in the garden? The local branch of B&Q?

I don’t think teenagers will think it’s any better if it’s a long term situation or shock horror their parents! Plenty will be aware of what goes on in their houses. I’m sure some married couples do this when the kids are out! Op I’m with you, I think there is a lot of jealousy coming your way! Of course your allowed time for self care when the kids are out!

Then she wouldn't have been there to greet her daughter after she sat her Biology GCSE paper.
It's funny that it was Biology.... 😉

I think the OP has been pretty responsible, actually. OK, there’s been a slip up, but it’s easily explained and prevented in future.

How many posts do we see on here where someone has rushed into a new relationship only to regret it, or moved a virtual stranger in with no thought to the effect on their kids because of their need for a man? This is separate, private and discrete, with someone that she knows pretty well.

Bravo @Lionesseses!

You literally can never win on Mumsnet. If you seek a committed stable relationship you’re prioritising men (or as some posters charmingly put it, cock) over your children and your children will be scarred for life by having a stepdad and will inevitably hate him. If you don’t and instead cover up your relationship/FWB and keep it separate from the children then you’re a disgusting slut and setting a bad example.
I guess the only solution is to stay totally celibate forever if you happen to break up with your child’s father.

I think there’s a little envy here on your thread OP 😂

Having sex with someone who is a fully functional, independent adult on whatever terms you wish is entirely up to you.

Mid-morning sex with someone you trust on a regular basis AND whose pants you don’t have to wash or cook him dinner every day - heavenly 😂.

Your DD might suspect of course. Maybe just don’t mention him for a while and yes, lock your door just in case because you just never know.

But why? She has a perfectly good bed at her home.

Yep. She is entitled to a sex life. And OP was so discreet that there has been two years without anyone knowing.

OP's DD has only asked if he's a boyfriend and that's as far as it will go I bet as she won't want to ask anything further.

Some of you clearly need a good mid-morning shag 😂

Jesus H Christ! So OP can't have sex ever again unless she finds someone she wants to marry and have babies with? And frankly, I wouldn't class having sex with a regular partner as having 'casual sex'. Do grow up!

Yes me! I volunteer.

Where do I queue?

Jeez you'd think the woman was bringing random guys home all the time! A poster above actually said "strangers" bloody Nora talk about over egging the pudding

Again i would argue that this is a relationship of sorts, they've known each other for years and are friends.

Look at the threads on here with folk fighting and arguing, being unfaithful, guy the other day ghosting his partner in a long term relationship after getting their children involved. This is a lot fucking healthier for children than that crap.

Personally I think the OP is being very sensible in parenting on her own but she's allowed to have some fun herself.

I wouldn't explain to your DD as she might share it with people and news might get out which might be embarrassing, or she might think/hope/be nervous that it would turn into a proper relationship. I would just try and say you're just friends and think up an excuse and and leave her out of it.