Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

1000 replies

Lionesseses · 09/06/2025 14:08

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

OP posts:
Boredofbeinganadult · 09/06/2025 17:51

SleepWalkingtoSeville · 09/06/2025 14:41

I for one think OP has a brilliant attitude. Monday afternoon shag? I could only dream of such things!

Why can’t you have a shag on a Monday afternoon?

WigglywagglyWanda · 09/06/2025 17:52

MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 17:51

Great idea! Or make a huge salad.

And serve it to our strapping 6ft 4 sons with hollow legs and outing hobbies

Tiswa · 09/06/2025 17:52

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 09/06/2025 14:50

I'd just tell her the truth. She's going to see through whatever lie you tell her, or at the very least smell a rat. She's 15, most kids have had to come to terms with the fact that their parents have sex by this point. It's not like she'll never have heard of the concept of FWB by this point either.

This she is 15, close if year 11 to 16, to being able to legally have sex herself. She is probably just over 2 years away from being an adult.

you are treating her as a child, infantilising her in something she has probably worked
out quite well for herself

the simple truth, no details nothing too much but the simple truth is what is needed here

MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 17:53

Lionesseses · 09/06/2025 17:37

Well ours hasn’t. It’s literally ‘Are you free next Wednesday?’ and then ‘Thanks, that was fun!’ afterwards. Maybe the odd other text here and there like today, and when we see each other about (which is rare) we say hello but it’s absolutely not anything more than friendly shagging, and that’s how we like it!

One piece of advice moving forward:
Check the GCSE timetable.

NanCydrewandtheclueinthename · 09/06/2025 17:54

MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 17:49

To do with exams? 🤔
She's doing her GCSEs, surely you know her exam timetable?

She did try to give advance warning too. She rang.

LosingSleeping · 09/06/2025 17:54

Springhassprungxx · 09/06/2025 17:48

Me too - it sounds wonderful!

Does it 😬

Wonderful ?

Tiswa · 09/06/2025 17:54

Because @Lionesseses all you are doing at the moment is giving her the impression it isn’t fine and that yiu are embarrassed about it

Fedupofmyjob · 09/06/2025 17:57

crackofdoom · 09/06/2025 14:13

Hmmmm. Do you think you could get away with telling her you're just mates? And that he was upstairs having a look at your plumbing? Which wouldn't completely be a lie I suppose....🤔

This

Sodthesystem · 09/06/2025 18:01

'Do your really want to know about my sex life?'
'Hell no'

Problem solved.

thisoldcity · 09/06/2025 18:05

WooleyMunky · 09/06/2025 15:19

Or forever.
Once your lady garden has done the only job it is there for, the birthing of delightful offspring, it should be closed up like a whelk stall in winter, for the rest of your life.

😂😂😂😂

Greenfitflop · 09/06/2025 18:06

Text him a story about advicd on windows, plumbing or electrics, something plausible.
Agree it and stick to it.
Ye had a coffee while chatting if she asks.

Lock the door from the inside in future.

Style it out.
Most teens would prefer not to think about their parents sex life!

Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 09/06/2025 18:22

Oh hunny I'm embarrassed for you 🫣 I too have a fwb that comes round whilst the DC are at school (thankfully younger so no chance of them coming home!) So ignore anyone that is trying to shame you they are just jealous!
I hate to break it to you but your DD likely has a VERY good idea what was going on...depending on her personality this will NEVER be brought up again as she won't want it confirmed or she will ask again and she might be either relieved or disappointed that you've lied to her if you go with the "he was fixing a shelf" type line.

Look you know her best, you know what relationship the two of you have and therefore you know whether it's best to keep quiet/bullshit/tell the facts. Give it a few years and I'm sure you'll be laughing together about the time she caught you 😜

Springhassprungxx · 09/06/2025 18:27

LosingSleeping · 09/06/2025 17:54

Does it 😬

Wonderful ?

What's the weather like up there?! Good for op, she's doing nothing wrong!

wordywitch · 09/06/2025 18:42

Gosh, I didn’t realise that they allowed smart phones in the nunnery, @Gloriia, how modern of them.

Praying4Peace · 09/06/2025 18:49

Tiswa · 09/06/2025 17:54

Because @Lionesseses all you are doing at the moment is giving her the impression it isn’t fine and that yiu are embarrassed about it

It isn't fine
Bad role modelling

Praying4Peace · 09/06/2025 18:50

Springhassprungxx · 09/06/2025 18:27

What's the weather like up there?! Good for op, she's doing nothing wrong!

Disagree
Not good that daughter knows she is having casual sex
Very worrying

MomGran · 09/06/2025 18:52

BeachRide · 09/06/2025 14:23

Your attitude is grim.

Some statement coming from "BeachRide".. is the location upsetting you? 😂

Themaghag · 09/06/2025 18:52

BeachRide · 09/06/2025 14:23

Your attitude is grim.

Why is it? Two single people discreetly having a sexual relationship that isn't affecting anyone else sounds eminently sensible to me and certainly a lot better than exposing children to the the ups and downs of a series of complicated and transient romances that may adversely impinge on their lives.

Gloriia · 09/06/2025 18:53

wordywitch · 09/06/2025 18:42

Gosh, I didn’t realise that they allowed smart phones in the nunnery, @Gloriia, how modern of them.

Why the sneering? I've said there is nothing wrong with casual hook ups if that's your thing but if you have teens you have a responsibility to be discreet.

Parents have influence on their kids, on their behaviour and beliefs so we have to be responsible. It isn't a newsflash surely?

WigglywagglyWanda · 09/06/2025 18:54

Well I'd argue that it's not actually casual sex. They've known each other for years, like each other and as single parents meet up and have some fun together.

I actually wouldn't say that was casual sex.

It's much more pleasant than a lot of threads on here who ARE in traditional relationships that's for sure.

Flashahah · 09/06/2025 18:55

Gloriia · 09/06/2025 18:53

Why the sneering? I've said there is nothing wrong with casual hook ups if that's your thing but if you have teens you have a responsibility to be discreet.

Parents have influence on their kids, on their behaviour and beliefs so we have to be responsible. It isn't a newsflash surely?

You’ve said a lot more than that, at least own it!

Lionesseses · 09/06/2025 18:56

Praying4Peace · 09/06/2025 18:49

It isn't fine
Bad role modelling

Please explain why my relationship is bad role modelling.

OP posts:
Kateb12 · 09/06/2025 18:57

How embarrassing for your daughter. Quite sad really the amount of children who don't have parents with stable relationships at home. Imagine coming home from school as a teenager to find your mum just finishing having sex with some random man 🤢 maybe leave the key in the door if there's going to be a next time.

WigglywagglyWanda · 09/06/2025 18:57

Flashahah · 09/06/2025 18:55

You’ve said a lot more than that, at least own it!

I chuckled at that one too🤣

Nosetotoe · 09/06/2025 18:58

Is she not home OP? What’s the update ?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.