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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Argh! DD caught me with FWB in the house

1000 replies

Lionesseses · 09/06/2025 14:08

Long story short, my DD(15) came home unexpectedly from school earlier, and arrived home to find me in the house with my ‘friend’. She knows him vaguely as he’s the dad of a school friend of hers (we’re both single parents, and that’s how we met originally).

She didn’t catch us at it, thank God. But we were both upstairs (we had just had sex, and had got dressed again). I was all easy breezy about it saying ‘Oh, Andy is here! We weren’t expecting you home!’ But I was embarrassed and massively thankful she hadn’t been ten minutes earlier!

Then he left and she was asking why he was here, are we seeing each other etc. She doesn’t know that we’ve had this arrangement for a couple of years now, completely physical, friendly on the rare occasions we see each other otherwise but with no intention of becoming a proper couple.

I don’t want to explain our relationship to her because it’s not really her business and it’s not the kind of concept I’d want her thinking of (especially not in the context of me!). Am I right to do that…?

And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying.

Any thoughts? I guess I’m hoping it blows over.

OP posts:
LosingSleeping · 09/06/2025 17:33

Don't think I've ever known FWB where both parties are fully single.

After years of an arrangement it usually seeps into frienship or companionship, and not being covert.

But that's just my experience.

anyolddinosaur · 09/06/2025 17:36

Some of the comments here are probably from teenagers. Some think it funny to hang out here.

I'd probably have gone with looking at the plumbing or advising me on possible damp or something.

She'll probably figure it out but make sure you agree what dad tells his kid.

YRGAM · 09/06/2025 17:36

I think that's a good plan to handle the situation, OP. I'm sure you'd rather she hadn't seen him in the house, but now she has I don't think at 15 it's a good idea to outright lie to her. It's fine not to bring it up with her though

Lionesseses · 09/06/2025 17:37

LosingSleeping · 09/06/2025 17:33

Don't think I've ever known FWB where both parties are fully single.

After years of an arrangement it usually seeps into frienship or companionship, and not being covert.

But that's just my experience.

Well ours hasn’t. It’s literally ‘Are you free next Wednesday?’ and then ‘Thanks, that was fun!’ afterwards. Maybe the odd other text here and there like today, and when we see each other about (which is rare) we say hello but it’s absolutely not anything more than friendly shagging, and that’s how we like it!

OP posts:
Isouf · 09/06/2025 17:38

9 pages in and based on the OP replies I couldn't understand what this post is about...as I do agree nothing wrong with consensual sex between two single adults. It's not about the daughter perception of it as OP states so. So i went and re read it...

'And I worry it might have spoiled things now cos my DD will tell her mate, and it might lead to embarrassment all round. Argh! Annoying'

Your worry is losing your f* buddy 🤣
Come on! Don't worry about that.. you just FWB and for sure your daughter will have other single dads 😆

Gloriia · 09/06/2025 17:39

WhiteWidowWithAttitude · 09/06/2025 17:30

And since you edited, I’ll expand - I wasn’t agreeing with @Gloriia, because she extrapolated that if I was “fine with casual sex” - (because that would be a bad thing?) - then I shouldn’t be surprised or upset if my children grew up to follow in my footsteps.

Which is just a passive aggressive way of saying, “if you’re happy to be a slut, you can’t complain if your children grow up to be sluts too, just like mommy”.

So no, I don’t agree with her, and I don’t need to calm down at all, because I’m perfectly calm. I just won’t be spoken to like shit by some random with outdated ideas about women having sex. It’s pure misogyny.

There's been no mention of 'sluts', just values and role models and being aware of how our actions can affect our dc.

I havent spoken to you like shit Just suggested people either take care and be very discreet or don't be surprised if your dc bring it up at every opportunity and follow your lead. I don't want my dc to have caauai sex, do you?

Praying4Peace · 09/06/2025 17:39

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 09/06/2025 14:50

I'd just tell her the truth. She's going to see through whatever lie you tell her, or at the very least smell a rat. She's 15, most kids have had to come to terms with the fact that their parents have sex by this point. It's not like she'll never have heard of the concept of FWB by this point either.

Disagree 100%

Piccante · 09/06/2025 17:41

wordywitch · 09/06/2025 16:00

Cross-checking the ‘grim’ comments with the people in another thread who are horrified by the thought of kissing their partner with tongues.

Wait, what?

Runmybathforme · 09/06/2025 17:44

BeachRide · 09/06/2025 14:23

Your attitude is grim.

😂😂😂 Oh get over yourself.

SpannerH · 09/06/2025 17:44

Id like to know how you came to this arrangement because it sounds perfect to me and very do-able compared to real life 'dating' 🤣

LosingSleeping · 09/06/2025 17:44

I couldn't be arsed.

No way I'd be sneaking around for sex.

WigglywagglyWanda · 09/06/2025 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TENSsion · 09/06/2025 17:46

WhiteWidowWithAttitude · 09/06/2025 17:30

And since you edited, I’ll expand - I wasn’t agreeing with @Gloriia, because she extrapolated that if I was “fine with casual sex” - (because that would be a bad thing?) - then I shouldn’t be surprised or upset if my children grew up to follow in my footsteps.

Which is just a passive aggressive way of saying, “if you’re happy to be a slut, you can’t complain if your children grow up to be sluts too, just like mommy”.

So no, I don’t agree with her, and I don’t need to calm down at all, because I’m perfectly calm. I just won’t be spoken to like shit by some random with outdated ideas about women having sex. It’s pure misogyny.

No. It’s stating that as parents we have to be conscious about what we imprint on our children.

If this wasn’t the case, therapy wouldn’t be a booming trade.

WigglywagglyWanda · 09/06/2025 17:47

So on another note, is grim the new buzzword on Mumsnet?

Up there with limerence and vile?

Piccante · 09/06/2025 17:47

WhiteWidowWithAttitude · 09/06/2025 16:59

How fucking dare you preach your sanctimonious bullshit “values” at me! I will make no apologies for how I eventually choose to fix, what my husband’s sudden death broke in me.

And don’t you ever speak about my children in that manner ever again. I don’t need to explain to you that they are all, every one of them broken in their own way also, and it’ll be over MY cold rotting corpse that I would ever do anything to their detriment or upbringing. Which includes exposing them to my (currently non existent) sex life, whether that be a relationship, a FWB, a casual hook up, or a fucking male escort for that matter.

You think you’re “better” with your holier than thou attitude. I can categorically say that no, you are not.

I can’t tell you how much I feel this post in my very soul!

Same situation.

Hugs to you.

MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 17:47

Maybe we should start a drinking game, one shot for every use of the word "grim"?
Say he's a keen gardener and was giving advice on the best way to trim your bush.

CantStopMoving · 09/06/2025 17:48

Gloriia · 09/06/2025 17:39

There's been no mention of 'sluts', just values and role models and being aware of how our actions can affect our dc.

I havent spoken to you like shit Just suggested people either take care and be very discreet or don't be surprised if your dc bring it up at every opportunity and follow your lead. I don't want my dc to have caauai sex, do you?

I’ll be honest, once my children are grown up, their lives are none of my business.

Springhassprungxx · 09/06/2025 17:48

SleepWalkingtoSeville · 09/06/2025 14:41

I for one think OP has a brilliant attitude. Monday afternoon shag? I could only dream of such things!

Me too - it sounds wonderful!

Boredofbeinganadult · 09/06/2025 17:48

Awkward for your daughter as he’s the dad of her school friend, most likely she already knows what you were up to

diddl · 09/06/2025 17:49

If you start locking the door & she's home early, can't get in & he's there-it'll just confirm it won't it?

What did she say about him being there?
(Sorry if I've missed that)

MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 17:49

Lionesseses · 09/06/2025 14:18

I wondered the same thing but it’s apparently to do with exams. She did ring me but I was… busy.
School is only a little distance away as well. In Y11 they are allowed out at lunchtime so she does very occasionally come home. But never before without advance warning.

To do with exams? 🤔
She's doing her GCSEs, surely you know her exam timetable?

WigglywagglyWanda · 09/06/2025 17:50

MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 17:47

Maybe we should start a drinking game, one shot for every use of the word "grim"?
Say he's a keen gardener and was giving advice on the best way to trim your bush.

Good call

We could add other gems like posted above, limerence, vile, weightloss jabs and tradesmen shitting in your toilet.

Winner gets a chicken to feed a family for a week

MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 17:50

WigglywagglyWanda · 09/06/2025 17:47

So on another note, is grim the new buzzword on Mumsnet?

Up there with limerence and vile?

Yep.
Plus "bat an eyelid".

MaisieMacabe · 09/06/2025 17:51

WigglywagglyWanda · 09/06/2025 17:50

Good call

We could add other gems like posted above, limerence, vile, weightloss jabs and tradesmen shitting in your toilet.

Winner gets a chicken to feed a family for a week

Great idea! Or make a huge salad.

Piccante · 09/06/2025 17:51

WigglywagglyWanda · 09/06/2025 17:50

Good call

We could add other gems like posted above, limerence, vile, weightloss jabs and tradesmen shitting in your toilet.

Winner gets a chicken to feed a family for a week

Add "massively".

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