New boyfriend, bad teeth help!

[muchadoaboutteeth]

I’m in a bit of a situation and could really use some advice on how to sort this out. Have name changed because it’s a bit embarrassing, but have been here for years!

New bf (of 2 months) is lovely. He’s attentive, caring, kind, funny, good job and attractive, but (and please don’t flame me) he has terrible teeth and it’s really hard for me to look past.

It’s not just that they’re a little crooked (which I don’t really care about), but they are badly stained, and (warning, this is gross) I can smell some sort of weird cavity or decay smell and it completely puts me off him. A couple of times we’ve been talking and his gums have actually been bleeding a little! He’s very touchy-feely in a normal new relationship way, but it’s starting to effect our intimacy as I just can’t kiss him and I don’t want him kissing me at all- the thought of it is seriously off-putting.

I’ve noticed that when he stays over he didn’t brush his teeth before bed and I made a big show of going to do mine and saying things like ‘I’ve left the lights on- can you switch them off when you've finished your teeth’. I’ve tried bringing up dentists in casual convo- ‘oh, I must get booked in for a check up, I haven’t been for ages. How long has it been for you?’ but he’s just not getting the hint.

There’s not really a way to approach this without upsetting him is there? I want to be with him, but I honestly can’t bear kissing him! Is it worth just biting the bullet and saying he needs to sort it out? I’m seriously considering ending it- but that’s so shallow and I really like him!

It's not going to happen OP. If you can't bear it now, what will it be like when he starts losing them?

If you're on the edge of ending things you could try some straight talking. Do him a favour in the long run

This would be enough for me to put an end to it unfortunately, bad teeth is 1 thing (could be genetic) but unhygienic teeth would be the end of it for me

As you say, imperfect or slightly crooked teeth are not something that would put you off someone you really like but poor hygiene..really gross.

You could try saying something but he’ll either take massive offence or take it on board but likely let things slip again after a while. If you don’t have good hygiene habits it tends to stay that way.

I would just end it and be blunt about why, be cruel to be kind but honestly what functional adult doesn't know to brush their teeth?

I’d say “look, I really like you. I think you’re great in X,Y,Z ways. I really need you to go for a hygienist AND dentist appointment asap though. I’m so sorry, teeth hygiene has just got to be a deal breaker for me. I’m really really sorry if this offends you, that’s not my intention at all”

What I don't get is how you didn't notice this on the first date. How do you date someone for 2 months before realising you can't stand the sight of their teeth and don't want to kiss him.

Just call it off now before you risk really hurting his feelings down the line.

I wouldn’t have got past the first date. Sorry.

I would never had started a relationship with someone like this in the first place! How did you get so far?!

Bad hygiene would be a deal breaker

Or actually when in conversation and his gums bleed “oh love, I don’t want to alarm you, but your gums are bleeding. Can you get to a dentist tomorrow? If you don’t already have a dentist, ring 111 and try and get an emergency appointment. That’s not normal lovely”

I wouldn’t have even got to the stage you are at now. I would never have kissed him. So is never end up with him in my bed

Ewww I wouldn't be going near him. When I met my 2nd husband his breath was rank and he never cleaned his teeth.
I said go to the dentist or we're over. He went to the dentist. It sound like severe gum disease.

Oh my good god. End it. I simply couldn’t stand that.

I could not and would not date someone with poor dental hygiene. Firm no. Get rid, sounds gross!

Teeth are the easiest thing to change about a man. Way easier than weight, smoking, porn use, domestic unhelpfulness and low career aspirations. So I think it's worth a go to see if he'll sort them with a bit of pestering/guidance.

End it. If you’ve got the ick it won’t get better. Sounds like he hasn’t been keeping up to oral hygiene so it won’t improve with just one trip to the dentist. If you’ve can’t kiss your partner without feeling like this it’s a dealbreaker.

End it. 2 months in you should be so over the moon in lust with him you’d overlook it but you can’t so this is a non starter and only going to get worse. Absolutely grim to not have good dental hygiene.

If you want to keep him you've got to be blunt and painfully honest.

Went on a date with someone that had bad teeth so bad i could smell it it was rotten plus bad breath.
Think piano teeth.
It was a no from me.
He went for a peck on the cheek but i turned my head and rummage in my bag for something and pretended not to notice.
Polite good by never met again i wish him well.

I wouldn't have even been able to get through the first date.

Gross.

If a grown man needs to be taught basic hygiene for his teeth, I can only imagine the state of his home 🤢

Don’t be pushed into the role of “mother” in the early stages of the relationship, you’ll both resent it long term.

Perfect. If he really likes you he will sort it out.

My ex had awful teeth and awful breath and I thought it was maybe a stomach ulcer or something but he genuinely did not brush them. Ever. I told him and well it did not end well. I was superficial, narcissistic you name it everything all because I mentioned he could look after his teeth better. He was highly insulted and well we are no longer together.

I had this exact problem op. And as excruciating as it was, I just laid it all out in a text message as sensitively as I could but still being direct. He was mortified but totally understood and went to the dentist and to cut a long story short got everything sorted. It was never an issue after that and I was so relieved I told him as otherwise I'd have had to quit an otherwise nice relationship. If you have noticed it others will, and bad dental hygiene has implications for his medical health too so it's best to approach it out of care and concern but be direct.

His loss! I wonder how many other decent partners he’s missed out on, because of this?