Holiday ruined, husband ill and being a bit of a prat

[Blocuian]

Me and DH are abroad on what was meant to be a much needed holiday, first one in years just the two of us. It’s been totally ruined. He’s come down with what I think is food poisoning – been in and out the loo constantly, can’t eat, sweating and miserable. I get that he’s ill and it’s not his fault, but it’s how he’s being that’s getting to me.

I offered to get a doctor (hotel can arrange and we’ve got insurance) but he snapped at me that I “don’t care anyway” and told me not to bother. I’ve been sat in this hotel room for 2 days while he refuses food, won’t let me open the curtains and gets stroppy if I even mention going out for a walk or a coffee. He says if I go out it just proves I don’t care.

This sort of behaviour isn’t completely out of the blue either – lately he’s been a bit controlling in general, doesn’t like me doing much without him, makes digs, gets passive aggressive. I didn’t realise how much until being stuck in a room with him like this.

I’m honestly thinking about flying home early. I feel like I’m not helping him by sitting here while he sulks and makes me feel guilty for wanting to leave the room. But I know if I go he’ll say I abandoned him.

What would you do? Anyone else been in this sort of situation? Feel like I’m going mad.

I sometimes wonder if taking him back after the ONS gave him this idea that I’ll put up with anything. It wasn’t easy to forgive, I just didn’t want to tear the family apart at the time. But he was kind and apologetic for ages after. Only recently it’s changed and I don’t know why.

I would put money on his recent change in behaviour being that he has had his head, at the very least, turned again.

He sounds unbearable OP. My DH got food poisoning when we went to NYC and he actively encouraged me to go out and explore without him. Such a waste of your holiday staying in, glad you got to go out for a bit. Chuck the fella in the bin when you get home, don’t put up with this crap and him making you feel like shit!

Can you imagine being such a selfish prick that you think your partner should stay in the room the whole holiday because you are ill?

Honestly, where do some men get the audacity!

He's a manipulative twat.

Go out and do as much as you can to enjoy your trip. See the sites. Then divorce the prick when you get home. He doesn't even like you. He just thinks you're an appliance there to kiss his ass.

What weird behaviour! I’ve had a few bouts of bad food poisoning abroad (Thailand gets me every time). I’m not normally a dramatic sick person, but a couple of times I thought I might die and needed to go to hospital. I didn’t, I just needed anti-sickness drugs and hydration.

But the idea of someone being stuck in the room looking at me is awful! Especially some of the noises during an ‘evacuation’. I just wanted to be left lying on the bathroom floor alone clutching the loo.

So your H is really odd trying to keep you locked in the dark with him, and weird for refusing all offers of help. A doctor could give him an anti sickness pill that would have him sorted in no time. You might even be able to get one over the counter in Spain.

Maybe he's got his eye on someone else?

I was really ill on holiday, sent husband and sons off for the day to enjoy pools and beach. Was glad of the peace and the exclusive use of the loo

If he's suddenly being an ass again then yeh that's my guess too. The beginning of 'the script'. Making you out to be the horrible woman so it's ok if he cheats.

Either way though, I mean cheating is nothing in comparison to him being a nasty, manipulative wanker in the grand scheme of things. It's just icing on the shitty cake.

Life is too short.

Wow I was not well on a recent holiday I was desperate for him to go out and still try to enjoy it. No point in you both suffering

Summon a doctor and leave the room.
He said he doesn't care about his own health but you have to care so much you're not allowed outside on fucking holiday? Dickhead.

Don't go back in there till he's apologised. Honestly your relationship sounds awful.

Do you want to be with him anymore? Can you leave or kick him out when you get home?

Say you’re going to get some medicine for him as he’s clearly not himself then piss off and enjoy oneself for the rest of the day.

So you took him back, he was apologetic, then he's suddenly started being a dick out of nowhere? Do you think he could have cheated again?

If he's sleeping, he's over it or he couldn't leave the bathroom.

My late husband and I managed a few holidays in spite of his ill health. He encouraged me to go out and about while he rested in the hotel room. (He had a heart condition and had had a stroke.)

I can't fathom the OP's husband.

He sounds needy and selfish. So his thought is that if he's suffering, you should too? A caring husband would tell his wife to go out and see the sights. You can't win with his attitude.

As for his other behaviour, I think some strong boundaries and pushback are needed if you are going to stay with him.

As for the guilt-trips, do not let it get to you or feed into it. He's just trying to emotionally manipulate you into getting his way. So selfish.

Bit of a sneaky thought here....wait until he's fast asleep from all this pooping and vomiting and venom spewing at you and get a look at his phone - cheated before, probably is again which would certainly explain all his nastiness towards you.
Find anything you don't like then pack your bag and 'abandon' him in Spain.
Divorce him and then celebrate with another holiday later on with a friend (or me, I had to cancel my holiday/honeymoon due to being with a nasty TWONK too - love that long forgotten word!).

Is this real? The fact that this man would want someone to sit and watch him being sick and feeling ill, suggests a lot more than someone who is a little controlling. I would be packing my stuff, leaving the holiday and leaving him. Coercive controlling weirdo. Please please at the very least find someone to listen, and have a really good think about the future of spending time with such a person. I'd personally put a cushion over his face. leave as quickly as possible and never return.

If this turns out to be a bug and not poisoning, and you develop it, will your husband wait diligently at your side for you to recover @Blocuian? Or would he leave you to it and go and please himself?

I think we all know the answer to that don’t we.

He’s a cheating, abusive nasty piece of shit and frankly, I hope he feels like shit.

Please take steps to leave this awful man.

Now you've made this stand work on it OP. Take back control of your own life - he can be with you but he doesn't get to dictate what you do ever again.

I don’t know why he isn’t insisting you go out! When I’m this ill I can’t stand people talking to me and get overstimulated super easily. I need total peace and quiet with no one bothering me with inane chat and expectations. Plus, who wants their loved one seeing/hearing them puking and shitting and their brains out?
Tell him you are going out because he needs rest and peace and you’re being there is not only not helping him (since he’s being a pig to you anyway) it’s unfair to you. Go sit by the pool with a cocktail, have a nice swim, explore the place, have a lovely meal.
And when you get home really take stock of whether you should be with someone like this and whether the relationship is meeting your needs at all.

Honestly OP I really feel for you. But if this was me and my DH both of us if sick would be telling the other to go out and try and enjoy it and whichever of us went out would be checking up on the one who was sick. He’s not being reasonable. I feel like your damned if you do and damned if you don’t so honestly I would just go out for an hour or so and come back x

He's hoping you get the lurgy OP.

I had Norovirus on ski holiday.. projectile. I can't remember having the strenght to be bitchy to DH.. I was just grateful for the occasional cup of water etc that DH brought me.. and yes.. I didn't want everyone being there listening to me puke.

He's not that sick IMHO

I'm sorry @Blocuian but I agree with those that say he's probably cheated (or still cheating) again. The change in personality is him justifying to himself that he is right to cheat because you are such an "awful" wife (you are not by the way, you are a saint for putting up with his shit so far). Either that or he is acting badly to try to force you to end things so that he can claim it was all your decision.

I second trying to get a look at his phone if you can, but either way I'd be making plans once you get home to drop his sorry arse. Just bide your time to get things together to your, and the kids, benefit.

Glad you have had some space and time to yourself OP.

Go home early and dump him, there are a million red flags here.

My husband came down with a horrendous case of tonsillitis when we went away to the med years ago. Kids were 3 and 8. Got the doctor out after two days. Antibiotics and he was good to go after 4 days in total. The other people round the pool thought I was a single mum with the kids by the pool as he was room-bound! Anyway, he wanted to be alone and sleep so we just got on with the holiday.