Holiday ruined, husband ill and being a bit of a prat

[Blocuian]

Me and DH are abroad on what was meant to be a much needed holiday, first one in years just the two of us. It’s been totally ruined. He’s come down with what I think is food poisoning – been in and out the loo constantly, can’t eat, sweating and miserable. I get that he’s ill and it’s not his fault, but it’s how he’s being that’s getting to me.

I offered to get a doctor (hotel can arrange and we’ve got insurance) but he snapped at me that I “don’t care anyway” and told me not to bother. I’ve been sat in this hotel room for 2 days while he refuses food, won’t let me open the curtains and gets stroppy if I even mention going out for a walk or a coffee. He says if I go out it just proves I don’t care.

This sort of behaviour isn’t completely out of the blue either – lately he’s been a bit controlling in general, doesn’t like me doing much without him, makes digs, gets passive aggressive. I didn’t realise how much until being stuck in a room with him like this.

I’m honestly thinking about flying home early. I feel like I’m not helping him by sitting here while he sulks and makes me feel guilty for wanting to leave the room. But I know if I go he’ll say I abandoned him.

What would you do? Anyone else been in this sort of situation? Feel like I’m going mad.

Unless you are worried he needs an ambulance (in which case get off mumsnet and call one) then leave the room! Leave him bottled water, tissues, a bowl and his phone within grabbing distance. Sit by the pool, in a bar/cafe/restaurant. Wander to some local places and check back on him in a couple of hours.
He will have to decide then if he is ill enough to need a Dr and medical treatment or whether he just needs to ride it out for another day.
No point you sitting there with him in a room with the curtains drawn unless you are actually mopping his brow and feeding him teaspoons of water.

OP he really needs a doctor if he has a temperature - you mentioned sweating. some forms of food poisoning can be bacterial or even parasitic, so if he’s really unwell I would arrange for a doctor to look at him anyway. As someone upthread said, he’s going to be mad whatever you do !! And a suggestion upthread was for Imodium. It does help with food poisoning diarrhoea but be aware that it can sometimes delay recovery because it slows down the process of the body ridding itself of toxins through the bowel. And yes, get out and enjoy your holiday. You need to talk seriously when you get home and maybe a bit of time away from him while he’s laid up will make you realise how miserable he’s making you.

A good husband would be apologising profusely (even if it wasn't his fault) and telling you to go out so at least one of you doesn't have a ruined holiday.

I can't believe a grown man expects his wife to sit in a darkened room and watch him be ill...

Dont let it spoil your time away, get out and about without him until he can join you

Tell him you are so sorry that he is that ill and sympathise that he is probably not going to make it. Download and show him a site for assisted dying and tell him you can take him there and help put him out of his misery....

This. With bells on

When I had the same for 48 hours, bleeding both ends, a doctor was called. She put in a suppository which was an immediate cure.

Don't let him have that OP, take some time alone. Nice restaurant for one tonight, he won't be well enough.

This. I don't think it's too much of a stretch that he is lining something up. The blaming you for every damn thing is part and parcel.

Honestly, I would not fly home without him because that would be what he wants to prove his narrative. As soon as I got home, I would be setting that divorce ball rolling though, 3yo or no 3yo. Not a chance would I allow this to happen to me again. He's not even a faithful husband so has no brownie points stored up. Imagine if he got actually properly ill !

Be done with this whinging manchild. In the event he is not engineering this for his own ends and to make you look like the bad guy, staying with him will see this sort of behaviour escalating as he gets older.

In your shoes op I’d ring a doctor and get someone to come out. Don’t bother telling him, he’s unlikely to be abusive towards them whikst they are in the room. Sounds like he needs something for his food poisoning if it’s that bad

secondly, take yourself out, he’s being a abusive arsehole.

Let me guess? When you’re ill, you’re expected to get ivermectin it with limited sympathy from him

Ivermectin'll get it every time :)

Twunt?

So he's the cheat but acting like you're the one who can't be trusted?

Seems he think that because you took him back you'll accept any old shit from him.

Whilst the fact that he's trying to hold you hostage because he's got the squits is obviously the immediate problem, I'd be much more concerned about the fact that he had a ons and now he's being controlling.

You need to look after your own needs as well, right now. Once he's better, and maybe once you're home, I would think you need to put your foot down HARD on the PA behaviour and the digs. I'd tell him in no uncertain terms to cut it the fuck out.

My partner fell ill on holiday with food poisoning. If he suggested I sit around the caravan he would have been told to do one. I went out and enjoyed the rest of the holiday with the kids. Left him with all the bits he needed and checked in on him. I wouldn’t be sitting any longer in the same room as your husband. Just because he’s ill and grouchy his behaviour is unreasonable. He has no right to keep you prisoner in the room. If this isn’t new behaviour you need to have conversation with him regarding this. He’s becoming abusive.

Back from a walk and a sit by the pool, feel loads better for just getting out tbh. Left him a note saying I’d check in after a couple hours and he could call reception for help if needed – didn’t get any texts or missed calls so guess he’s fine (or sulking).

Honestly reading all your replies has helped more than I can say. So many things ringing alarm bells that I’ve just been brushing off for ages. That comment about him setting it up so I look like the bad one – I hadn’t thought of it like that but yes, 100%. If he goes home and says “she went swanning off while I was ill” he’ll get all the sympathy and none of the context.

We’re in Spain btw, not far from the coast – lovely area but I’ve hardly seen any of it because I’ve been sat in that bloody room. Not anymore. I’ll keep checking in and obviously if he gets worse I’ll get help but I’m not sitting there being snapped at just so he can feel more in control.

As for the respect thing… yeah maybe. I sometimes wonder if taking him back after the ONS gave him this idea that I’ll put up with anything. It wasn’t easy to forgive, I just didn’t want to tear the family apart at the time. But he was kind and apologetic for ages after. Only recently it’s changed and I don’t know why.

Anyway – he’s still asleep last I checked and I’m having a cold drink and actually enjoying a bit of peace. Thanks all xx

When are you eating, are you using room service? Can you say you need lunch or something and escape for a while? He can't object to that, although he probably will by the sounds of it.

Other posted have given good advice but I thought I'd just chime in as my husband also got ill on our long-anticipated holiday recently with a food poisoning type bug. He was unwell for a couple of days and in the room all day for one them. Though he was ill and felt dreadfully disappointed about it, he never once treated me badly for it as it wasn't my fault. I sneaked him bread and bananas from the buffet to keep him going and made sure he drank water. He was a bit grumpy about the fact I kept making him have little bits of food to keep going and reminding him to hydrate, but he took it on the chin.

I went to the beach during the day when he was laid up in the room as he said he wanted me to still enjoy the holiday - it wasn't the same without him, but it allowed him to get some rest and for me to have a little space.

That's what it should be like. You take care of each other when things go wrong, but you shouldn't be made to feel guilty or controlled by your OH.

Just because he's having a miserable time doesn't mean that you should, too.

If the situation was reversed and you were ill with food poisoning, you'd probably be getting grief for ruining the holiday and he'd either go out without you or bully you into doing stuff that you were really too ill too. So feel no guilt.

He’s being a major prat, OP. Personally, I want to be on my own when I’m unwell, the last thing I want is someone watching me clutch my stomach, etc.

Glad that you’re getting out now, enjoy the peace.

He is still cheating and projecting that onto you because he thinks you'll cheat on him too.

Go enjoy your holiday.
Get him a Dr
Go Home
Get a divorce.

You do not need an abusive, cheating dick as a spouse.

He sounds awful. A normal person would be saying, ‘ i’m so sorry for ruining your holiday. Please go and enjoy yourself and I’ll text you if I need you.’

Don’t put up with this shit.

Anyone who cared about you would want you to salvage something of YOUR holiday, and would be profusely apologetic while encouraging you to go out and enjoy your day. Leave him water, snacks, a book and a phone by his bedside and please try to do something nice for yourself, OP.

Then when he’s better, maybe show him this thread. Feeling unwell is absolutely no excuse to be a dick.

Go out!!! Don’t let him spoil your holiday! I always end up with the lurgy when I go abroad for a day or two and I either drag myself to a sun lounger to keep my hubby company or tell him to go out by himself x

You're his whipping boy, in his head. He's punishing you for him feeling like shit.

I once got food poisoning on holiday - it was dreadful! (The ill effects lasted for months on and off and I had various tests and investigations. It was 18 months before I finally got signed off by my consultant.) Anyway, I was really glad I was in a single room and not having to share a toilet! Plus I was glad not to be ruining anyone else's holiday at the time. I joined my friends when I could and kept myself to myself when I couldn't. Your husband sounds really selfish. I'm glad you've got out of the room.