Holiday ruined, husband ill and being a bit of a prat

[Blocuian]

Me and DH are abroad on what was meant to be a much needed holiday, first one in years just the two of us. It’s been totally ruined. He’s come down with what I think is food poisoning – been in and out the loo constantly, can’t eat, sweating and miserable. I get that he’s ill and it’s not his fault, but it’s how he’s being that’s getting to me.

I offered to get a doctor (hotel can arrange and we’ve got insurance) but he snapped at me that I “don’t care anyway” and told me not to bother. I’ve been sat in this hotel room for 2 days while he refuses food, won’t let me open the curtains and gets stroppy if I even mention going out for a walk or a coffee. He says if I go out it just proves I don’t care.

This sort of behaviour isn’t completely out of the blue either – lately he’s been a bit controlling in general, doesn’t like me doing much without him, makes digs, gets passive aggressive. I didn’t realise how much until being stuck in a room with him like this.

I’m honestly thinking about flying home early. I feel like I’m not helping him by sitting here while he sulks and makes me feel guilty for wanting to leave the room. But I know if I go he’ll say I abandoned him.

What would you do? Anyone else been in this sort of situation? Feel like I’m going mad.

Weird behaviour. I think most people, if they were ill, would want to be left alone to sweat and puke it out until it passes. Just like a man to take the attitude, ‘I’m suffering, so everyone else must suffer too’.

if you can’t do much to get him better (and it sounds like only time can) then go for a walk.

Tbf he’s probably feeling pretty grim, he won’t be at his finest. Cut him some slack for being horrible (but only during this current bout, not as a future pattern!), provide him with his immediate needs then go off and enjoy your holiday.

If my DH was ill I wouldn’t want to go too far afield in case he suddenly got worse but you don’t need to be sitting in the room with him.

I also think you should call the doctor if he doesn’t improve soon.

You know what I did when I got food poisoning on holiday and was stuck in bed for a few days. I sent my family out to have fun without me, recommended a water park and other activities. Said I’ll join you if and when I feel better. The only thing I asked them to do for me was go to the pharmacy and pick up a variety of drugs and probiotics. Things I wouldn’t do are expect someone to sit in a hotel room holding my hand through it. That just sounds grim and no one needs to be sat in the room listening to the noises coming from the bathroom during a bout of food poisoning!

It’s your holiday too, and as you say it’s much needed!
Go down to the pool, relax with a good book. I would also turn my phone off, just check in every couple of hours.

When I was 12 I got chickenpox while we were abroad on holiday. I stayed in, with food, drink, books, while my family went to the pool. Never thought anything about it. It was OK and completely normal.

Someone came and checked on me hourly.

THIS was OK and normal for an older child. It is definitely normal for an adult. If you were ill, he'd be downstairs.

He's abusive.

Go out, enjoy the world. It's nice out there. When you get home you should seriously consider ditching this guy. It's a shame he is ill but he is behaving terribly.

If he is refusing to try water, diarolyte etc then he is an idiot! He will dehydrate rapidly and making himself extremely ill! Put on your big girl pants, go get him some bottled water and OTC medication for D & V, take it back and stand over him until he gets something inside him. The go and enjoy your bloody holiday! Keep in touch by text too.
AND, come back on MN tomorrow to let us know how he is………chances are he will make a miraculous recovery if you stop letting him call the shots.

I wouldn’t fly home early, go out and enjoy some of your holiday. He sounds horrible.

Ridiculous behaviour which shouldn't be indulged.
Go to the pool, relax & have something to eat yourself then check in on him.
Rinse and repeat - enjoy as much of the holiday as you can.
A reasonable husband would wish you to do this

If he loved you, truly loved you, he’d be saying that there’s no point in you both missing out on the holiday! So get yourself out there and try to enjoy yourself as best you can

He's absolutely being a selfish moron. Supposing it isn't food poisoning? Supposing it's a stomach bug? Does he want you to stay close to him until you catch it?

Go out to a chemist, ask them for advice, come back (eventually) with some meds for him. If he objects to this once he is ill better, LTB - he has just proved he's a controlling prick.

What a jerk. He is a grown man and can take care of himself. He does not need to ruin your holiday just because he is ill. My poor ds age 11 came with a tummy bug on our holiday and he did not let it ruin the trip for the rest of it. The rest of us were able to enjoy as normal. When he felt really bad he stayed in bed watching movies (or in the bathroom!) whilst me and DH took turns staying in the room with him (or on the balcony to enjoy some fresh air and sunshine). When he could venture out for a little, he sat in the shade w a blanket, sunglasses etc still not feeling his best, but wanting to get out a bit. He was sick the entire trip, but did not ruin it for others. Your dh sounds controlling and miserable.

Leave the room and leave him to it.

When you get home seek legal advice re divorce.

He’s so selfish. It’s almost like because he is ill he wants you to suffer as well. I know it’s horrible being sick while abroad but why should you sit inside with him there is no need . Go out for a walk and try and enjoy yourself.

I wouldn't be pandering to this absolute nonsense.

Go out for the day, explore, get lunch, whatever, you dont need to be close by just put the doctors number in his phone then bugger off out...enjoy your holiday then deal with this man-baby another time.

Get the doctor.
Set him up with what the doc says he needs (bottled water, dioralyte etc?)
Go and enjoy yourself.

What would I do?

Tell him not to be an arse. Make sure he has everything he needs (rehydration sachets, etc.) and go for a walk.

No way on this green earth would I tolerate sitting in a hotel room for 2 days! He clearly “doesn’t care” about your wellbeing.

Get out, have your coffee, a meal at an outdoor cafe and explore.

He's bound to feel miserable. Do you have a room with a balcony? If not I'd explain the situation to the staff & request a change of room to one with a balcony & a nice view if possible. I agree with posters who say you should not be expected to stay in 24/7 while he recovers. These things tend to resolve fairly quickly & in time for you both to enjoy the rest of your holiday. I wouldn't get too hung up about it. You could suggest going out to bring in a few treats,extra water etc.

I'd bloody well leave the room! Go and have you holiday, i get he's ill but he's being a twat to you.
My husband had food poisoning recently and was really ill, the next day once we knew he was over the worst he encouraged me to go out and meet friends, couldn't do anything to make him better anyway

Leave him with fluid, meds, loo roll, doctor’s number, go out for long chunks of time and do nice things. If you can afford it get yourself a separate room for the remaining nights

He is the one being uncaring towards you, here. A sensible, caring adult would want the person with them on holiday to enjoy it, and just check on them from time to time. Odd if his behaviour has changed recently. Unacceptable.

Just remembered that I had 24 hours of D&V on honeymoon. DH was helpful but left me to it… had dinner out on his own and did some exploring. I was mortified about smells and the state of me!!

Fully agree. Imagine a future of this behaviour multiplied when old age ailments surface.

The balcony and view won't do him much good if he can't bear the curtains being open.

God yeah I think you’re all right. The guilt tripping is working cos I’m sat here feeling awful even though I know it’s ridiculous. He has got water and I’ve tried to get him to drink more but he told me to leave him alone and went on this whole rant about how he’s exhausted and in pain and hasn’t slept and I just “don’t get it”.

We’ve been together over 20 years, got 4 kids – youngest is only 3 – and haven’t gone away just us two since before he was born. DH was actually the one that persuaded me to book this holiday, I wasn’t sure about leaving the kids and he really pushed for it.

Our relationship used to be great. Honestly, years ago this kind of behaviour would’ve been totally out of character for him. But when our youngest was a baby, he had a ONS. Took a lot to get over and when I finally took him back it felt like things were good again. But just lately he’s started getting more controlling. Little things like comments if I make plans without him, or getting moody if I go out with mates. I think I didn’t want to admit it to myself until now.

He’s not normally this bad when he’s ill either but this is next level. I think I’m gonna get out the room for a bit, he’s asleep now anyway. I’ll leave him a note, check in by text. Just need to clear my head tbh.

That’s ridiculous. Sucks that he’s ill, but you should be out enjoying yourself!