Holiday ruined, husband ill and being a bit of a prat

[Blocuian]

Me and DH are abroad on what was meant to be a much needed holiday, first one in years just the two of us. It’s been totally ruined. He’s come down with what I think is food poisoning – been in and out the loo constantly, can’t eat, sweating and miserable. I get that he’s ill and it’s not his fault, but it’s how he’s being that’s getting to me.

I offered to get a doctor (hotel can arrange and we’ve got insurance) but he snapped at me that I “don’t care anyway” and told me not to bother. I’ve been sat in this hotel room for 2 days while he refuses food, won’t let me open the curtains and gets stroppy if I even mention going out for a walk or a coffee. He says if I go out it just proves I don’t care.

This sort of behaviour isn’t completely out of the blue either – lately he’s been a bit controlling in general, doesn’t like me doing much without him, makes digs, gets passive aggressive. I didn’t realise how much until being stuck in a room with him like this.

I’m honestly thinking about flying home early. I feel like I’m not helping him by sitting here while he sulks and makes me feel guilty for wanting to leave the room. But I know if I go he’ll say I abandoned him.

What would you do? Anyone else been in this sort of situation? Feel like I’m going mad.

Do you think he's lost any respect for you after taking him back and this has led to him treating you badly? Although it sounds like he didn't have much respect in the first place. I'd do Shirley V and bugger off on my own.

This

And he's probably laid on the emotional blackmail and guilt so bad that you wouldn't even be able to enjoy a few hours away from him. What an arsehole.

Since when did food poisoning become a spectator sport?

I appreciate that food poisoning can have catastrophic consequences. This isn’t that.

I’d walk out and probably use the time to reflect on how you got to this point.

I would call the doctor and get him checked out. Go out yourself while keeping your phone on you in case he needs anything and checking in regularly. Take charge of the situation, OP. Be the adult in the room.

Exactly, plus she also has to worry about coming back to him after!

He can't have it both ways - if he's so desperately ill that he needs you by his side all the time, then he needs a doctor. If he's not ill enough for that, then he is better off being left on his own with fluids and a clear path to the bathroom. Certainly when I had food poisoning when I was on holiday I just wanted to be left alone, and feeling that I was spoiling my DH's holiday would just have made me feel worse.

I'm sorry OP, I was rather waiting for the revelation that he'd been unfaithful.

And it was just at the new baby time when he wasn't the centre of attention, too.

Absolutely not blaming you (it's more about cause and effect), but when you took him back and forgave him he learned and temporarily believes he can dish out as much crap as he likes - and you'll put up with it. He lost respect for you then. So he now has no reason to treat you well. He believes you are trapped property.

He now needs to learn something else; that you are no longer the pushover - you've come into your Wise Woman years.

What will you do?

I would leave him with the medicine and something to drink and go out. Tell him to have think about getting the doctor and he can let you know what he decides when you get back. Plan things for the remainder of the trip as well so that you get out of the room every day. Its your holiday.

Get the doctor, it may or may not be food poisoning and if he's feeling really bad he needs a doctor, he may even need to be in hospital if he's not eating or drinking. Tell him you care enough to get a doctor whether he wants you to or not, it is non-negotiable because he's not thinking straight. Open the curtains and open the window, because you do care, he needs light and fresh air and so do you.

Although I think you should be able to go out, what he is suffering is not for you to "judge". I was recently ill with the most gripping pains I'd ever experienced (food poisoning) and I was holding my stomach, unable to move unless running to the bathroom vomiting my insides out. Sorry, but you really should show compassion. One day it might be your turn.

I'd be going our alone and making the most of the holiday. Let him sulk, maybe he will realise what a twat he is being after some time alone. I wouldn't count on it though given that there were concerning behaviours before this. Do your best to enjoy the holiday and have a think about ending the relationship when you get home.

Sounds like he is playing away again and projecting

I'd call a doctor and book myself another room

What is with all these “twonk”, “jerk”, “bit of a prat” descriptions for a man who is being nasty, controlling and abusive?

OP just get away from him, take your things and either go home or get another room and tell him you will not accept his behaviour any longer.

If I was him I would actively want you out and relaxing so I didn't have to worry about you and I could just lie down/go to the toilet/watch netflix. I would expect a close friend on holiday to ideally give me that space and check in every 3-4 hours to see how I'm doing / offer to get me some food or medicine. No idea why your DH is being so awful but just go sit by the pool with a book, go to lunch, etc.

Oh gods sake. I am the queen of food poisoning on holiday always get it. Give him water and leave him. It needs to work its way out completely and he’ll be feeling crappy for a few days. You enjoy your holiday, I get he’s feeling In pain trust me I do but there is nothing you can do . If you have a balcony door open a little bit you need fresh air in the room. I always say to whoever I’m with go and enjoy . Do not let him waste your holiday. Go walking, swimming, sunbathing anything.

Don't be a martyr to this selfish prick of a man. He won't help himself by seeing a doctor or letting you go out so he can rest. And who wants their other half to witness their shitting and vomiting and groaning?

He's going to be a mardy sod anyway so you might as well get some holiday out of it. Accusations that you don't care? Tell him that with every unreasonable demand you care less and less.

I'd also put money on it that he's been up to something.

Ugh what an emotionally controlling wanker he is

he is totally emotionally blackmailing you by talking of you “abandoning” him when you go abd have 1 he of fun by the pool

you really need to know OP that if some actually loves you and cares for you he’s WANT you to have a bit of fun despite his sickness

this man is dragging you down

He should be encouraging you to get out out and about.

Please try and enjoy the rest of the holiday and give him a wide berth.

Also, be very careful yourself what you eat and drink the closer you get to travel day. Better suffering it in a hotel room than on a plane.

If he won't call a doctor then he gets zero compassion.

Or are you another who will moan and hold your stomach for hours but not see a doctor?

Agree he is being absolutely ridiculous. You can’t hang around like a lady in waiting. If he makes you feel bad because you have left then just ignore and move on for the moment and tell him you will speak to him another time.

I once got home to find my partner googling 'what should I do about this pain in my chest?'

Call an ambulance was what I did.

They can be utterly irresponsible morons about their own health.

He's using his illness to control you.

Why would it be a swizz? There are bacterial causes of gastroenteritis and antibiotics work really well. There are also non-bacterial causes and obviously, antibiotics won’t be much help there.

OP, he cheated on you and he treats you with contempt. This is not a good person…I don’t know if you’re just in too deep now - and I understand that, but this is not how a partner treats their loved one - I don’t even treat people I dislike with such disdain. Is there anything left of this relationship? Poor you, poor kids…