Holiday ruined, husband ill and being a bit of a prat

[Blocuian]

Me and DH are abroad on what was meant to be a much needed holiday, first one in years just the two of us. It’s been totally ruined. He’s come down with what I think is food poisoning – been in and out the loo constantly, can’t eat, sweating and miserable. I get that he’s ill and it’s not his fault, but it’s how he’s being that’s getting to me.

I offered to get a doctor (hotel can arrange and we’ve got insurance) but he snapped at me that I “don’t care anyway” and told me not to bother. I’ve been sat in this hotel room for 2 days while he refuses food, won’t let me open the curtains and gets stroppy if I even mention going out for a walk or a coffee. He says if I go out it just proves I don’t care.

This sort of behaviour isn’t completely out of the blue either – lately he’s been a bit controlling in general, doesn’t like me doing much without him, makes digs, gets passive aggressive. I didn’t realise how much until being stuck in a room with him like this.

I’m honestly thinking about flying home early. I feel like I’m not helping him by sitting here while he sulks and makes me feel guilty for wanting to leave the room. But I know if I go he’ll say I abandoned him.

What would you do? Anyone else been in this sort of situation? Feel like I’m going mad.

He is behaving like a petulant child. Its not ideal he's ill but it's not your fault and I don't know what you could do to help. Go out and enjoy yourself he's going to moan and guilt trip you either way I'd be seriously thinking wether I wanted to continue a relationship with someone like this

I’m gonna go back up soon just to keep the peace but honestly not feeling very forgiving right now.

I wouldn't..you're not actually keeping any peace!! There is none. You'd be going back so he can make you feel like shit. Absolutely no way would I invite myself back into that.

You are not his mother..you are a grown woman who is checking in on him and offering all you can.

Do no not let this man have you believe you have to stay in because he is.

He is being selfish, while it’s nice to cared for I’d be telling my OH to go out and enjoy the sun, i’d be feeling awful I’d ruined his holiday although it can’t be helped!

Are you sure he is as ill as he claims? If he is refusing OTC remedies, never mind the doc, then he is doing absolutely nothing to help himself. Why is that? He is either faking or keeping himself unwell on purpose.
I was really ill on holiday once. I sent my DH out on the piss with a couple of fellow Leeds supporters he'd met at the hotel bar. Because I wanted him to have a good time.

Honestly you aren’t helping yourself here. Bowling over backwards to his every whim. I’d be very firm with him to the lines of I have offered to get a doc etc. you being stuck in the room is not doing either of you any good and I’m genuinely surprised if he is as sick as he is making out that he even wants any company at all. If your that sick surely just want to lie in the dark and wait for it to pass? You going back is only giving him the satisfaction and confirmation that he rules the roost and you do as he says. Who is he to tell you what to do? Stick up for yourself and grow a backbone he sounds an awful partner

Why on earth,are you being such a martyr! This is your holiday too. It is a shame he is ill, but not your fault or your problem. He us acting like a jerk and you are enabling it.
I would go back up there and tell him it is not your responsibility to make him feel better, sit in a dark room and suffer with him. Make it clear that this behaviour has to end or he will be moving out when you get home.

If he’s able to be a dickhead over text then he can’t be that ill can he!

Love what @LurkyMcLurkinson has suggested

Honestly @Blocuian I wouldn’t let him emotionally blackmail into feeling guilty any longer. Wouldn’t try to keep the peace. If you need to head back to get changed or showered or whatever I would do that but otherwise leave him to it!

Turn it back round on him and tell him he doesn’t care that he’s ruined your holiday, left you on your own while he sleeps and doesn’t care that he’s made you a prisoner in the room on your own holiday

Why on earth would anybody want to have an audience to them puking their guts up and shitting themselves?

He's making himself more ill by not doing anything about it. And, as such, fuck him. Go out every day. He'll either get better or not.

You being in the room doesn’t change how he is feeling or his pain levels. If that was me and DH he would be telling me to go out and try to enjoy the holiday - that’s what decent, respectful husbands would do.

You deserve better than this.

I have been in your DHs shoes in that I’ve been the one horrendously ill on holiday. I felt so guilty that it was also ruining DHs holiday and encouraged him to still make what he could of the trip. He sat out on the balcony a lot & also went out to the pool for a few hours on a couple of occasions and went out for dinner by himself one night. Him being there didn’t make my symptoms any better so why should we both have suffered. DH is using this as yet another opportunity to control you. Glad this thread seems to be helping you.

Doesn’t it say a lot about a person who would rather their partner be miserable too! I’m sure if the shoe was on the other foot you’d be telling him to make the most of being away rather than expect him to sit bored in a room that is probably hot, stuffy and stinky! Must be hard to find him attractive as a person right now

Steal his thunder..
Do a Facebook post, saying he is ill and you left him asleep while you sat outside to give him peace.
Say your back to nursing duties and ask for tips from friends as he won’t see the doctor.

You’re all talking so much sense and I think deep down I know you’re right. I did go back up to the room for a bit, mainly to show face and see if he actually needed help. He barely looked at me, just laid there groaning and made a snide comment about “nice of you to show up”. I told him straight I wasn’t staying in the room all evening and he just rolled over and ignored me. So I’ve come back down, gonna get some dinner and try to enjoy a bit of peace.

What’s really getting to me now is the comparison. Our 10yo broke his arm over Easter during a little mini break we had – properly bad break too, ended up needing surgery and having nails put in. He didn’t complain once. Was brave as anything and all he wanted was a milkshake and to go back to the arcade when he was out of hospital. DH is a grown man and you’d think he was on his deathbed the way he’s carrying on.

I’m honestly so fed up. You’re right – I’ve offered help, I’ve suggested a doctor, I’ve left water, rehydration stuff, snacks. He’s said no to all of it. If he doesn’t want help, that’s on him. I’m not going to be emotionally blackmailed into sitting in silence in a dark room being treated like crap.

I’m starting to wonder if he just can’t bear the thought of me doing anything that doesn’t revolve around him. Whether it’s illness or something else, it’s exhausting and I’m bloody done with it today.

What a horrible man-child. Please don’t pander to his ridiculous demands for you to stay in the room with him. What exactly is he expecting you to do while you sit there? Marvel at the number of times he has a shit?!

He’s obviously not that ill as he’s refusing to see a Dr. My friend had awful food poisoning on holiday and we got her straight into the hospital and it was all sorted within 24 hours. Just leave him to it and make plans to completely leave him to it when you get home. And yes, that means LTB.

I’m not going to be emotionally blackmailed into sitting in silence in a dark room

I mean, that is an extreme situation. Absolutely horrendous. I'm relieved you're taking control of the situation, OP. Just get on with your own holiday and leave him to wallow. His behaviour towards you will only worsen if you go along with it. Don't tolerate it for a second.

Well done. And don’t feel guilty, please. You sound very self-aware and reasonable so you know deep down that you are not being unkind or cruel. You’ve done everything you should as a loving wife; making sure he is ok but you do NOT need to make a huge fuss of a grown man with tummy ache.

Be kind, bright and breezy but definitely get out there and enjoy being away. Maybe look up somewhere nice to go to tomorrow and be up and out. Go to the hotel breakfast, offer to bring him something back and then off out for the day.

He can call you if he needs anything but quite frankly, it might make him realise that there is actually nothing he can call you FOR; what on earth are you supposed to do on a practical, physical level?!

Good luck and know you are not doing anything wrong AT ALL.

I’m starting to wonder if he just can’t bear the thought of me doing anything that doesn’t revolve around him. Whether it’s illness or something else, it’s exhausting and I’m bloody done with it today.

Yep, that's exactly what he's doing. What a tool.

Basically @Blocuian you have to treat him like you would a toddler. Ignore the tantrums, use distraction and be relentlessly positive. Don’t engage with his moaning or sniping. Not even to point out the things that you have done for him (that he’s rejected).

Just walk away. Then you’re clearly in charge.

Maybe all this messing about is actually doing you a favour OP now that you can see the real him.

Leave the hippo to wallow in his own misery & imagine you are a free woman exploring the local area & having some much needed peace & relaxation.

Is he taking any medication for it ?
Go to a pharmacist , get advice , buy what they suggest , take it back , give it to him with a glass of water , and leave him to it whilst you have your holiday .
His call if he tries to get himself better .

If he is still ill tomorrow you should go to reception and tell them you need a doctor. Are you sure it isn’t something more serious like appendicitis?

Having a doctor see him will help him get better faster. Why doesn’t he want to see one, so he lay extra days in agony? Have you got Insurance, if not it will probably cost €30 plus medicines to visit the doctor. Ask at the reception, they must do this on many different occasions, to get an appointment and then get an Uber

Sounds like he may be trying to prolong the illness by not helping himself and mentally playing games with you. How ridiculous that he expects you to just sit there mopping his brow!

So you wanted a nice holiday in the sun.

Instead you got shit + vomit + pathetic-ness + whinging + control + guilt tripping.

How deeply, deeply unattractive.