Holiday ruined, husband ill and being a bit of a prat

[Blocuian]

Me and DH are abroad on what was meant to be a much needed holiday, first one in years just the two of us. It’s been totally ruined. He’s come down with what I think is food poisoning – been in and out the loo constantly, can’t eat, sweating and miserable. I get that he’s ill and it’s not his fault, but it’s how he’s being that’s getting to me.

I offered to get a doctor (hotel can arrange and we’ve got insurance) but he snapped at me that I “don’t care anyway” and told me not to bother. I’ve been sat in this hotel room for 2 days while he refuses food, won’t let me open the curtains and gets stroppy if I even mention going out for a walk or a coffee. He says if I go out it just proves I don’t care.

This sort of behaviour isn’t completely out of the blue either – lately he’s been a bit controlling in general, doesn’t like me doing much without him, makes digs, gets passive aggressive. I didn’t realise how much until being stuck in a room with him like this.

I’m honestly thinking about flying home early. I feel like I’m not helping him by sitting here while he sulks and makes me feel guilty for wanting to leave the room. But I know if I go he’ll say I abandoned him.

What would you do? Anyone else been in this sort of situation? Feel like I’m going mad.

Go back up to keep the peace??? Screw that! He’s the one with the shitty attitude and sniping at you. Don’t go back till you’re good and ready! Hell, if he were mine, I’d be getting another room and saying I don’t want his tummy bug. People will treat you the way you allow them to! Good advice given to me years ago….when someone shows you they are, believe them!

He's being a massive tit....it's your holiday enjoy it. Go out sightseeing. If he wants to sit sweating in the hotel room all holiday he can but it doesn't mean you have to. He's being horrible you may as well go out and leave him to sulk. He's manipulating you with guilt trips to ruin your break

Op - you have many more years in front of you. Will you put up with it, or take a stand?

Sounds like he deserves all of it. Leave him to it.

He's being a utter twat. Why are you even allowing him to behave like this?

Fix your fucking crown remember who the hell you are and what you deserve and go and have a nice time without being manipulated and bullied he's a grown ass man ffs

He wants constant attendance?
Should he be in an ICU?

I’m gonna go back up soon just to keep the peace but honestly not feeling very forgiving right now.

You have to go back at some point, and whether you go now or later, you'll still get it in the neck. He's not gonna be on the low end of the cunt scale just because you rushed back sooner. It'll be exactly the same level of cunt regardless.

You may as well enjoy yourself as long as possible. Don't rush back to suffer more misery than necessary!!

Go check, remove yourself or get ready for the evening but DO NOT stay in that room. Please OP, just don’t.

I can safely say from my own experience that divorcing a man like this is absolutely fucking marvellous.

Imagine never having to keep the peace again. Life is so much better. You deserve a happy life, OP. This isn't it.

He’s lining himself up to get all the sympathy and so when he does cheat it would be your fault because you are a heartless woman

He’s hoping this hard done by act when he gets home will get someone’s knickers off to show how much more they care about him than his wife.

If he was that ill he would jumped at your offer to call the doctor.

Personally when he next says you don’t care, tell him straight you don’t care to sit looking at 4 walls whilst he moans and groans and is being a dick to you.

If he is ill then he needs to do something about it and call in a doctor or if he isn’t ill and it’s all pretend then he needs to get out and about or at least not stop you from enjoying the holiday

The willpower you must have to resist not texting him back to tell him to stop being such a manipulative twat.

Does he have form for ruining holidays and special occasions that aren't all about him? (Eg: family gatherings and Christmas?)

If so, he may not be cheating. He may just be a narcissist or similar. They hate it when things aren't all about them and when your mind is on other things.

Stop pandering to him to keep the peace! What's he going to do, stomp his feet and call his mummy and tell tales on you?

He's a grown man and you're now letting him walk all over you because ?

Oh my goodness OP. Why are you even considering going back to the room or spending one more second of your precious holiday time with him? Any person that cared about you would not want you to waste your holiday just because they are poorly! He clearly isn't that bad, you do not need to be there. Even if he did need you, the fact he's treating you like shit, being rude / guilt tripping you and making sure you're having an awful time would make me feel absolutely justified in leaving early and flying home! Either that or book into a different hotel and try swap your seats so you're not sat next to him on the flight home! What an absolute bell end.
My DH has been throwing up on holiday before, and although slightly different as it was with kids, encouraged me to go out and enjoy ourselves and he would just rest up.
The only way I'd be encouraged to stay is if he was grateful and appreciative of you. But he's not.

Get yourself off home and enjoy a peaceful few days without him, genuinely. You'll have a much better time. He's not bloody dying.

Please stop trying to keep the peace op. You kept the peace when he cheated on you and look how that’s worked out for you.

Take back some control. Tell him you’re sorry he’s ill, you’re happy to set him up with water/medication/a dr if needed but expecting you to sit around watching over him day and night when you’re on holiday is ridiculous and unnecessary.

My Dh got sick like this on holiday once. Ruined the holiday but never once did he expect me to sit at his bedside. It’s pathetic. You know this so stop pandering to it.

Wouldn’t go back to keep the peace. You will still get it in the neck.

I would only go back to the room to shower and change and if he doesn’t want to go out in the evening then don’t let that stop you.

Think of yourself as single and go out and have a good time. And don’t come back too early

I think I'd pop to the reception and ask if they have a spare room available for me to move into. Then I'd charge it to his card xD

Oh he sounds pathetic. I wouldn’t be able to bite my tongue, I would reply saying I’ve offered you as much help as I can and you’ve turned it down and been snappy with me. Didn’t think you would want me to sit miserable rather than at least getting some fresh air, and me being sat with you increases the chance of me catching it if it’s a bug… if I caught it then you would have to spend the second half of the holiday looking after me.

But in reality I would have lost my shit and told him to pull himself together whilst sleeping it off and be on a sunbed by the sea.

Exh got sick more than once on holiday. I don’t recall him ever saying that I shouldn’t go out. I would have just ignored him anyway
But then again exh knew my stance on being ill.
I don’t do ill people. Friends and family know better than to accuse me of not caring because they know I don’t care to be around sickness

Something in me wants to put distance between me and the ill person.
Only with dc have I stuck around for illness.

Wedding vows I struggled with the in sickness and in health bit. Exh laughed seeing my crossed fingers and hearing me say under my breath “not really”

Little did he know what was ahead.

Enjoy your holiday without him!!

I’m gonna go back up soon just to keep the peace but honestly not feeling very forgiving right now.

But it won't "keep the peace" will it? He'll just be nasty and sulky as you have dared to leave him.

I would honestly be getting all my things together and checking into another hotel room - I would not let this selfish prick of a man ruin what is YOUR holiday too.

Also, when someone is genuinely, extremely ill, you don't have the energy to be texting someone and guilt tripping them. Or being horrible to them. I think the whole thing is an act tbh and, as others have said, he's got his eye on - or has met - someone else and is trying to spin the narrative that you don't love him / care for him so he can turn it round to place the blame on you.

if we go away abd husband ill, hes apologetic and encourages me to have fun and look after myself. I just get him everything he needs abd do my own thing checking up on him from time to time.

your partner is being a d*

It does sound like a sad relationship and I feel sorry for you, OP. In a loving relationship each wants the best for the other. If my husband were ill and there was nothing I could do to help he'd still want me to enjoy the holiday as far as I could. Yours wants to drag you down to his level. I hope things improve - for both of you.

Don't ask him, tell him that you are going to get the doctor. If he is that sick that he needs you to nurse him 24/7 then he should see the doctor.

How long are you supposed to be there for?

Maybe if he is that sick and in pain he should go home. Tell him you are going to contact your insurance and see if you can get a refund is you have to cut your holiday short.
If you do get a pay out, you can go away without him

Your husband has stopped seeing you as a person to value. He is treating you like dirt because he doesn't think he needs to hold back. So if he's suffering he sees no need not to take it out on you. It could be because the power balance shifted when you forgave his cheating and he now thinks you'll put up with anything. It could be he's cheating again, or he wants out of the marriage. Regardless of his reasons, his behaviour is still the same and you really shouldn't put up with it. He's hardly proved himself husband of the year, has he? So I'd be having a hard think about what exactly you'd really be losing if you moved on.

You going back won't keep the peace, it didn't earlier before you headed out, did it?

I think your relationship is probably finished.