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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Random Message DH Affair Part2

923 replies

basilbush · 01/06/2025 10:41

Hi all

Link to previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

TLDR: I got a WhatsApp telling me DH (by name) was having an affair. The ‘proof’ was very suspect and I didn’t believe it. Went through it all with DH who denies it all and the messages turned to some insults.
We believed it was someone with malicious intent.

Im sorry I didn’t start a thread straight away-I didn’t want to start one and then not have the time to keep it up to date as yesterday was really busy. So some progress has been made:
-After being super certain the baby shower wasn’t put online I’ve discounted the woman from work. I’ve also found out that she’s moved back to her home country on the other side of the world so unlikely.
-I know people were unsure why I thought my college friend was the link. Essentially one of the insults I got sent was quite personal and about something I used to be quite insecure of when I was younger (not so much now) and college friend was aware of it.

I was still fairly certain it isn’t FROM her as I just can’t square that off but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that she was at the baby shower, has access to me online and knows about this thing.

We told PIL everything when they dropped kids off yesterday and DH said that he was supposedly with this woman that time I was at the baby shower-they completely backed him up that he was with them the whole time and couldn’t believe someone could be so vindictive. I felt bad we told them as they were quite upset about it all.

Back to college friend. We decided yesterday morning to follow Colleen’s lead and I posted a Facebook status viewable just to her along the lines of ‘absolutely devastated. Nearly 20 years only to be betrayed-anyone know a good solicitor?’ (Note, I would never normally share something so private!!).

We figured if it was her, I’d get a WhatsApp message mocking me or full of smugness. We could see she’d be been online lots through the day but we didn’t get anything from the number.

Then this morning I get a WhatsApp from her (using the number she used in the baby shower group) saying she’d seen my status, was so sorry and wondered if I was around for a catch up as she’s a bit worried about a few things and needs to talk to me.

Ive obviously tried to ask questions but she’s just asked if we could meet. We’ve got a few kids activities this morning but I’m meeting her at 2 for a drink and to see what she has to say.

Sorry, that was really long! And please don’t worry, this hasn’t completely taken over our weekend-we took kids to soft play party, had a nice bbq and this morning are going swimming. But I’m determined to find out what this is all about.

Random message saying DH affair | Mumsnet

Hoping for some advice here Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception). I would say we have a h...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

OP posts:
MummyJ36 · 01/06/2025 14:06

Following so I can see the update 😆

NaeRolls · 01/06/2025 14:09

Sorry OP if I'm stating the obvious, but do consider recording the convo - even if you can't use it as evidence, it may help you by giving some clues as to what to do next, if your investigation needs to continue.

MrsPositivity1 · 01/06/2025 14:10

Omg very intriguing indeed

NOTANUM · 01/06/2025 14:11

We need access to CCTV from the pub!

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 01/06/2025 14:12

DoYouReally · 01/06/2025 13:15

I really wouldn't.
It just seems like such a waste of time and effort.
I don't but into "crazy people" or give them much air time, especially when OP is 100% that the "evidence" she has been give it pure nonsense.

So you wouldn't want to know who was trying to wreck your marriage and break up your family? I absolutely would. It only happened to me once and I know it was DH's ex as she sent an email from her own email address warning me how awful he was. If she hadn't sent it from her own email I would have wanted to know who it was.

madroid · 01/06/2025 14:14

Hope it goes well OP

Cavello · 01/06/2025 14:14

I can't believe I logged in at 2 pm and there was an update! Good luck @basilbush I'm on tenterhooks. My feeling is it isn't college friend, but she thinks she knows who the "OW" is, I.e. someone has been gossiping to her. Maybe a work colleague of herself and baby shower woman. I really hope it's not college friend. Fingers crossed for the catch up. 🙏

MyRootinTootinBaby · 01/06/2025 14:15

I think I’d archive/hide/delete the post before seeing her, in case she’s said to someone else “have you seen Basil’s status?” and then realises that other people can’t see it. However, I imagine you’re there with her and hopefully getting some info out of her.

2025ismybestyear · 01/06/2025 14:17

I hope you get to the bottom of this and it's not bad news.

MustWeDoThis · 01/06/2025 14:20

basilbush · 01/06/2025 13:23

I’ll see you all on the other side. I’m going to have some lunch now and get ready. I promise I’ll update after I’ve spoken to her

Jon Stewart Popcorn GIF

Suspense music intensifies

SomethingInnocuousForNow · 01/06/2025 14:20

Horrible thought, but could it be the new mum friend who had the baby shower?

blueshoes · 01/06/2025 14:21

PM. Good luck OP.

Flashahah · 01/06/2025 14:23

Good luck OP, keep calm and collected

BigDeepBreaths · 01/06/2025 14:23

l can’t imagine what the explanation is for all this. The best part has to be that the DH is calmly taking kids to park and encouraging the meet up which I doubt he would be doing if he was indeed having an affair. So very odd.

Getupat8amnow · 01/06/2025 14:24

Good luck OP.

TesChique · 01/06/2025 14:26

I haven't been this gripped by a thread since the Dyson Air Wrap

Hoplolly · 01/06/2025 14:31

basilbush · 01/06/2025 13:23

I’ll see you all on the other side. I’m going to have some lunch now and get ready. I promise I’ll update after I’ve spoken to her

Good luck OP, I hope you can get to the bottom of it so you can move on, as I know something like this would just bug me forever, even if I was 100 per cent certain that my DH was innocent. I'd want to know WHO and WHY. So I don't judge the 'sleuthing' at all!

MsStyles · 01/06/2025 14:33

Just read both posts. Hope you get the info you need. It can’t be nice thinking there is someone out there doing this to you, and not knowing who it is. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 01/06/2025 14:35
magnifying glass GIF by Yura Yunita

Fascinating

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 01/06/2025 14:37

Grabbing the popcorn

Callie247 · 01/06/2025 14:40

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 01/06/2025 14:37

Grabbing the popcorn

This is someone’s real life

Omgblueskys · 01/06/2025 14:42

Wow!!! This is ' rooney and vardy' all over again, popcorn ready,
Best of luck op, kick ass 😀

JessCil · 01/06/2025 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Shitstix · 01/06/2025 14:48

Here for the update. It's late in Aus, hopefully it's a quick drink and sorted soon!

mangonut · 01/06/2025 14:49

Callie247 · 01/06/2025 14:40

This is someone’s real life

Is it though?