Random Message DH Affair Part2

[basilbush]

Hi all

Link to previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

TLDR: I got a WhatsApp telling me DH (by name) was having an affair. The ‘proof’ was very suspect and I didn’t believe it. Went through it all with DH who denies it all and the messages turned to some insults.
We believed it was someone with malicious intent.

Im sorry I didn’t start a thread straight away-I didn’t want to start one and then not have the time to keep it up to date as yesterday was really busy. So some progress has been made:
-After being super certain the baby shower wasn’t put online I’ve discounted the woman from work. I’ve also found out that she’s moved back to her home country on the other side of the world so unlikely.
-I know people were unsure why I thought my college friend was the link. Essentially one of the insults I got sent was quite personal and about something I used to be quite insecure of when I was younger (not so much now) and college friend was aware of it.

I was still fairly certain it isn’t FROM her as I just can’t square that off but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that she was at the baby shower, has access to me online and knows about this thing.

We told PIL everything when they dropped kids off yesterday and DH said that he was supposedly with this woman that time I was at the baby shower-they completely backed him up that he was with them the whole time and couldn’t believe someone could be so vindictive. I felt bad we told them as they were quite upset about it all.

Back to college friend. We decided yesterday morning to follow Colleen’s lead and I posted a Facebook status viewable just to her along the lines of ‘absolutely devastated. Nearly 20 years only to be betrayed-anyone know a good solicitor?’ (Note, I would never normally share something so private!!).

We figured if it was her, I’d get a WhatsApp message mocking me or full of smugness. We could see she’d be been online lots through the day but we didn’t get anything from the number.

Then this morning I get a WhatsApp from her (using the number she used in the baby shower group) saying she’d seen my status, was so sorry and wondered if I was around for a catch up as she’s a bit worried about a few things and needs to talk to me.

Ive obviously tried to ask questions but she’s just asked if we could meet. We’ve got a few kids activities this morning but I’m meeting her at 2 for a drink and to see what she has to say.

Sorry, that was really long! And please don’t worry, this hasn’t completely taken over our weekend-we took kids to soft play party, had a nice bbq and this morning are going swimming. But I’m determined to find out what this is all about.

I don’t think the average poster on this thread appears to be illiterate or needs help with reading comprehension.

I found some of the details of the story after op met the friend hard to follow and all the names and abbreviations and acronyms made it more complicated but maybe I wasn’t invested enough to work it out.

I’m so confused by this…how would anyone have to remember or know my maiden name? Why would remembering it from 20 years have anything to do with this?

I am actually wondering if college friend was so cross about what she had got implicated in that maybe she told the ex herself that she had spoken to OP? could it be possible. ?

I think so too. CF had probably, maybe naively, wittered on about OP, probably told El about her early condition, maybe even making a bit of fun about it. She's enjoyed the gossip, and then realised she's messed up big style, tried to cover her tracks, and panicked, damage limiting her own involvement.

She really would have not let El carry on scrolling had she really though El was going off on one! Stupidity!

Don't feel sorry for El, OP. Get it reported, you have no loyalty to her and she could have messed your life up big style!! Toughen up!

She may have but I doubt it-I’m fairly certain El has seen the thread as mentioned something in it

And BtW to those saying CF is more involved-I’ve already said I think she is more culpable than she lets on and has glossed over some of the detail. But I draw the line at thinking she knew or had anything to do with the messages. She was so upset and shocked when I told her.

Exactly. I also do think that the trollhunters are displaying some Dunning Kruger syndrome by trying to unnecessarily complicate something which is very simple.

'All the names and abbreviations and acronynms made it more complicated'. It really, really wasn't. I do think a lot of people on here are really rather easily confused.

Op I'm sorry but i don't believe cf didnt know about the messages in advance.. how could she have known that the other one (i forgot what your calling her) had sent you messages about your husband cheating and that's why you're getting divorced and looking for a solicitor, which then prompted her to start putting two and two together. No she must have been in on it too.

Because she found you in CF’s contacts very quickly, do you see? My contact list is haphazard as hell, no one but me can navigate that terrain.

It's all gone a bit weird now. I've been quite happy to follow along without needing to scrutinise your every post. You handled it well, we found it entertaining and that's it really. Hope this is the end of it for you.

You may want to do some research on how you can plan your dreams in advance 😂

I’m personally not a troll hunter at all. I just like to make sense of details logically, but the main thing as someone else said it’s all happily resolved now anyway.

I think CF will have more loyalty to EL than to the OP, given they are longstanding friends, and when EL went on about the OP's husband cheating on her with the OP, very likely made supportive noises. Sure she was complicit in the social media scrolling and speculation.

There's a whole load of things EL could have said ("mentionits" "flirting on nights out") which would have made it sound plausible and maybe you would believe (or at least not challenge hard) a friend with whom you had more regulator contact.

It sounds like EL basically pranked the OP.

I don’t see sorry no?

Ive been ‘BasilBush Marriedname’ on FB since c2011. cF has been my friend on FB since 2007… she knows I’m married and what my name is. My WhatsApp name is ‘basilbush marriedname’ which appears as suggested contact name….

CF and El go onto FB and look at my profile ‘basilbush marriedname’… El then goes to contacts and starts to type in ‘BasilBush’ and up pops ‘basilbush marriedname’-she screenshots or takes a photo of the number.

i reckon this would take, what. 15 seconds?

Where does my maiden name come into this? 🤔

Agree! I need Inception style coordination of dreams.., had a great Pedro ‘daddy is a state of mind’ Pascal dream the other night though. Need to harness that energy

@basilbush this also could have started out as something somewhat more straightforward? In the sense that maybe she has been stewing about the 'cheating' your DH did and thought she could finally have it out? Or even get in touch and say long time, no see glad you're well. But she went for a third option!

if she was so shocked and upset why did Cf instantly think Ei had had something to do with it when she saw the Facebook post?

I just can’t get my head around someone leaving their phone with a person who they’ve described as “unhinged” and whom they’ve already decided to call time on your evening together.

Bloody hell OP! This is like a Netflix series. I hope things calm down after this. I'd deffo get a Ring camera on every door and window... I've had a stalker before, it's terrifying!

Yes - did you spot the irony? Well done!

Why is your contacts list "haphazard as hell", is it not just alphabetical?

The amount of recent posters trying to find holes or "trip" OP up is frankly ridiculous 🙄

Hurrah! That is the point I was making that El would have to go at it non stop before it shut down. Some phones have the setting at 5 secs idling.

To be honest I’m sat at home doing online training on how to set my screen and desk up safely so answering slightly bonkers questions is a nice distraction 😂

Posters may quite rightly find things difficult to understand but the point is, most of us wouldn’t send fake messages to someone so understanding their state of mind and why they would do something is always going to be tricky

Or just more insightful and not so gullible?

I’m so confused by this one too?? What would recognising me or not have to do with anything? 🤔

@basilbush One thing to bear in mind is that you have given a lot of info about yourself here - your facial changes, your uni history, your life-limiting illness , number of children, how you spent your weekend, etc etc.
It's quite possible that people in real life will recognise you if they use MN.