Random Message DH Affair Part2

[basilbush]

Hi all

Link to previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

TLDR: I got a WhatsApp telling me DH (by name) was having an affair. The ‘proof’ was very suspect and I didn’t believe it. Went through it all with DH who denies it all and the messages turned to some insults.
We believed it was someone with malicious intent.

Im sorry I didn’t start a thread straight away-I didn’t want to start one and then not have the time to keep it up to date as yesterday was really busy. So some progress has been made:
-After being super certain the baby shower wasn’t put online I’ve discounted the woman from work. I’ve also found out that she’s moved back to her home country on the other side of the world so unlikely.
-I know people were unsure why I thought my college friend was the link. Essentially one of the insults I got sent was quite personal and about something I used to be quite insecure of when I was younger (not so much now) and college friend was aware of it.

I was still fairly certain it isn’t FROM her as I just can’t square that off but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that she was at the baby shower, has access to me online and knows about this thing.

We told PIL everything when they dropped kids off yesterday and DH said that he was supposedly with this woman that time I was at the baby shower-they completely backed him up that he was with them the whole time and couldn’t believe someone could be so vindictive. I felt bad we told them as they were quite upset about it all.

Back to college friend. We decided yesterday morning to follow Colleen’s lead and I posted a Facebook status viewable just to her along the lines of ‘absolutely devastated. Nearly 20 years only to be betrayed-anyone know a good solicitor?’ (Note, I would never normally share something so private!!).

We figured if it was her, I’d get a WhatsApp message mocking me or full of smugness. We could see she’d be been online lots through the day but we didn’t get anything from the number.

Then this morning I get a WhatsApp from her (using the number she used in the baby shower group) saying she’d seen my status, was so sorry and wondered if I was around for a catch up as she’s a bit worried about a few things and needs to talk to me.

Ive obviously tried to ask questions but she’s just asked if we could meet. We’ve got a few kids activities this morning but I’m meeting her at 2 for a drink and to see what she has to say.

Sorry, that was really long! And please don’t worry, this hasn’t completely taken over our weekend-we took kids to soft play party, had a nice bbq and this morning are going swimming. But I’m determined to find out what this is all about.

Not everybody puts a password on their phone. Plus you can adjust the timing for how long after you've used it the phone stays open. So you could put the phone down and it wouldn't lock for a while.

I do that as well but I’m not hiding anything nefarious. Just don’t want people seeing my slight MN and favourite celebrity obsession, so I’m basically just embarrassed by the amount of (innocent) slop I have on my phone 😁

But the post said they were looking together and then CF nipped to the loo leaving El with her phone. That poster saying most women keep their phones in their handbag was irrelevant and that's irrelevant here.

Haha fair enough!

Right. I'm going to say it is unusual to leave another person to scroll through your phone, but this whole business is strange.

And that rings true to you?

I don't think it is, but maybe that's because I have very little stuff on my phone. I find it odd when people are overly protective of their phones.

Well I tested it yesterday and you cannot see it

Perhaps some people guard their privacy, it's very personal.

You kind of have to overlook a lot of inconsistencies to make this whole thing make sense.

It's interesting that people are saying that those of us asking questions can't read or are lacking in intelligence when we are just focusing on simple logic or logistics and not allowing ourselves to push the inconsistencies to the back of our minds or doing that mental gymnastic thing to make it all add up.

I am very protective over my phone. It reflects a lot of my inner thoughts, tastes, etc and it’s not for public consumption by anyone, it would be akin to reading someone's diary. I have nothing dodgy on there but plenty to be teased about 😁

You are absolutely right. I was thinking the same. Those of us querying the inconsistencies were labelled, rather rudely, as lacking intelligence and having a low reading age, but they are valid questions. It's not hate and it's not troll hunting to ask questions to clarify a very odd situation.

' Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned '

It would appear that the ' ow ' has held on to her resentment since being dumped by the Op's DH, despite marrying herself to her own dh.

Then the issues re conceiving and her own marriage ending have left her in a totally different mental state.

Yes I was that poster who said it was odd to leave your phone with a friend when you go to the loo.

In real life, as opposed to posts on a forum, I have never, ever seen or heard of anyone doing this. Because why would you? It goes in your bag or your pocket.

I wonder how El accessed the phone. Phone security settings mean that it can shut down within seconds and you have to re-enter your password.

El would be quick off the blocks to find the stuff she looked at while CF was at the loo.

How convenient that CF left her phone though, and El was able to take a look.

OP literally says they were scrolling together and CF left her to it while she went to the loo. She already had access to it.

I don't know how that's so difficult to get your head round.

I'm afraid I see it the other way!
Anyone querying the series of events is not unintelligent or unable to read - it's often the other way where they spot events that are confusing or - simply- don't make sense. Not their fault if other readers can't see those.

I don't know why you don't understand how most phones work. My phone shuts down after a few seconds (some people have their security settings set at ZERO seconds) so no one else can access it. The password has to be re-entered.
So what you're believing is that this El was able to use a stranger's phone, access all the things she needed while CF was at the loo.

It may be what CF told Basil but I smell a rat with that bit.

If you're not using it, yes.

But if it's being used, as they were using it, it remains unlocked.

CF and El were scrolling and CF went to the toilet, leaving El scrolling. The phone isn't going to close itself after a few moment while she's scrolling.

Unless you have really weird settings on your phone, you haven't had to input your passcode several times while watching videos or scrolling through MN have you? El was already scrolling and so didn't need to access it.

Yes, absolutely this.

CF could see this going a bit crazy so called time on their evening. She left El with her phone while she went to the loo to have a gawp on me online so is suspect this is how she got my number.

Well someone's not being honest. Maybe it's CF?

How would El be able to 'gawp' at OP 'online' (whatever that means- searching for Facebook, Whatsapp messages etc?) and get her number (and save it on her her own phone) while CF was in the loo?

One thing that I'd say Basil is that although this reads as very traumatic, you've got the energy to write things like 'Moi - innocently stuffing cake in my mouth'.
(The photo of you at the baby shower.)

So CF says. Depends on how you set your security.
No need for the bold. I'm not hard of understanding and can read.
I still find it hard to believe anyone would have time to access sites where she could find Basil and take a note of her number.

Yes. If she had a massive nose, and then had a nose job, it’s quite plausible people who never knew her before the nose job would be completely unaware - unless / until they saw old pictures.
Does it not with you?

Yes, it's more than just harmlessly looking at pictures. That's quite a determined search.

Not plausible, no.

Unless someone had had their whole face reconstructed you'd recognise them.

Indeed. And against the clock while CF was in the loo- coming back at any moment.