Random Message DH Affair Part2

[basilbush]

Hi all

Link to previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

TLDR: I got a WhatsApp telling me DH (by name) was having an affair. The ‘proof’ was very suspect and I didn’t believe it. Went through it all with DH who denies it all and the messages turned to some insults.
We believed it was someone with malicious intent.

Im sorry I didn’t start a thread straight away-I didn’t want to start one and then not have the time to keep it up to date as yesterday was really busy. So some progress has been made:
-After being super certain the baby shower wasn’t put online I’ve discounted the woman from work. I’ve also found out that she’s moved back to her home country on the other side of the world so unlikely.
-I know people were unsure why I thought my college friend was the link. Essentially one of the insults I got sent was quite personal and about something I used to be quite insecure of when I was younger (not so much now) and college friend was aware of it.

I was still fairly certain it isn’t FROM her as I just can’t square that off but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that she was at the baby shower, has access to me online and knows about this thing.

We told PIL everything when they dropped kids off yesterday and DH said that he was supposedly with this woman that time I was at the baby shower-they completely backed him up that he was with them the whole time and couldn’t believe someone could be so vindictive. I felt bad we told them as they were quite upset about it all.

Back to college friend. We decided yesterday morning to follow Colleen’s lead and I posted a Facebook status viewable just to her along the lines of ‘absolutely devastated. Nearly 20 years only to be betrayed-anyone know a good solicitor?’ (Note, I would never normally share something so private!!).

We figured if it was her, I’d get a WhatsApp message mocking me or full of smugness. We could see she’d be been online lots through the day but we didn’t get anything from the number.

Then this morning I get a WhatsApp from her (using the number she used in the baby shower group) saying she’d seen my status, was so sorry and wondered if I was around for a catch up as she’s a bit worried about a few things and needs to talk to me.

Ive obviously tried to ask questions but she’s just asked if we could meet. We’ve got a few kids activities this morning but I’m meeting her at 2 for a drink and to see what she has to say.

Sorry, that was really long! And please don’t worry, this hasn’t completely taken over our weekend-we took kids to soft play party, had a nice bbq and this morning are going swimming. But I’m determined to find out what this is all about.

They are good friends then.

Sorry OP I believe you are being a bit nieve believing CFs story on this.

She could have said all of this in a phone call
I think she wanted to meet face to face as she panicked a bit.

Just my thoughts. I think she massively encouraged it.

@basilbush I admire your stamina for all of this!

One thing that's a bit odd for me in this is if these two women were good friends it's a bit odd that El never had a word with CF over 20 years about what had happened to her one that got away (your H).

And CF would have told her about how he was now married to basil with 2 kids.

I don't know- maybe I'm not understanding the history.

I’m so grateful to this poster. I had just sipped a big gulp of coke and it actually came out of my nose reading this!

For gawds sake! That was an example… hence ‘or something mundane like that’. I don’t think I’ve actually ever posted about sodding pee before! But it’s on my mind as I’m potty training my youngest and it’s all I tend to deal with most days!!

Crikey some posters

Thanks for the updates, OP! I was wondering if you got to the bottom of it. Glad you found out the source and how lovely for once on Mumsnet it wasn’t actually an affair.

Have you decided how to proceed?

I would be tempted to send a final message:

EL. I have proof this is your number and I have screenshotted all of your malicious lies as evidence. Highly concerning that a teacher would behave this way.

If you ever contact me or my husband again we will report this. Get help for your obvious issues.

no, but they would be if you were looking to divorce your cheating H!

jesus.. the armchair detective troll hunters on this thread....

Yeah I don’t think CF is your friend. Think I’d be blocking them both for this behaviour. What has DH said about it all?

CF has never met my DH. As I said, I haven’t seen her in 20 odd years. Been with my DH 19 years.

hes also got a super common name. Think ‘Tom Smith’ so no reason even if El did mention my DH by name that CF would have batted an eyelid

edited to say 19 years. Blind typing!

I agree I think she is guiltier than she claimed. I bet they looked back through the photos together and had a right bitch.

Led to El asking a few questions and saying she thought my DH may have cheated with me. (Now this is where I think CF glossed over some things). They then looked online to check who I was married to.

Eh?
Doesn't make sense.

Either your explanation is inaccurate or I 'm confused.

She (El) thought your DH may have cheated with me (you). Or is 'me' her, 6 years ago?

But if she knew you why would they look to see who he was married to?

Be honest OP, are you actually a novelist testing out the plot of your idea for a psychological thriller?

Oh FGS

El looked at the photo - recognised OP from way back when, a time when El was dating DH.

El remembers when she was dumped by DH suspecting him of having an affair with OP. Remembers her face and bitched to CF that this was the woman her ex was (not) having an affair with

Before DH and I got together 23 years ago he had a work colleague who was stalking him - if I walked past her in the street now i would recognise her.

If this was a novel a potential publisher would probably say that there were too many coincidences to make it convincing for the reader (MN please note that i haven't said it isn't true).

It doesn't warrant a FGS

It's not clear . This thread and the other is pages and pages... not all of us are following every single post.

if you're not going to bother reading the OP's posts to follow the story, then maybe stop picking holes in it?

OP and her DH worked together when El and the DH were together, and met on social occasions. El and her DH split and then OP got together with DH.

It's not unfeasible that El knew he'd gotten together with a girl from work not long after they split and wondered/suspected if there was a cross over. But didn't know they'd then gone on to marry etc because she'd lost contact.

You’re confused

@basilbush glad you got to the bottom of it. I’m not sure I’d believe CF’s innocence but she clearly wasn’t up for it going as far as it has. However, much as El’s story/life has been very sad, I would want to do something to make sure she stops bothering you and doesn’t do this again. She has stalked someone before, she seems to get over-invested at the very least. I’m not sure what you can do but I’d be interested to hear how you and DH decide to tackle it.

LOL - and not the only one!

Have you and El ever met before? Sorry, there’s a lot of posts and I’m losing the thread of it a bit so I’m not sure, but have you have knowingly crossed paths ever?

Exactly this - @MumblingsOnMumsN you can select the function to just read all of OPs posts and it is perfectly clear.

yes. when dh was dating El when op and dh worked together

'She' (El) thought OP's DH cheated with 'me' (OP) when they were together (El and OP's DH).

(Edited as my clarifications didn't seem clear enough 🤭).

Thank you! I was actually confused by the same thing!

I have read both threads but I have lost track now.

Thanks for the updates OP! I'm majorly impressed with the detective work. Please ignore the haters here and keep us posted with what you decide to do! I'm invested 😂🫣

also no idea what previous posters are confused about; your updates have been really clear.