Random Message DH Affair Part2

[basilbush]

Hi all

Link to previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

TLDR: I got a WhatsApp telling me DH (by name) was having an affair. The ‘proof’ was very suspect and I didn’t believe it. Went through it all with DH who denies it all and the messages turned to some insults.
We believed it was someone with malicious intent.

Im sorry I didn’t start a thread straight away-I didn’t want to start one and then not have the time to keep it up to date as yesterday was really busy. So some progress has been made:
-After being super certain the baby shower wasn’t put online I’ve discounted the woman from work. I’ve also found out that she’s moved back to her home country on the other side of the world so unlikely.
-I know people were unsure why I thought my college friend was the link. Essentially one of the insults I got sent was quite personal and about something I used to be quite insecure of when I was younger (not so much now) and college friend was aware of it.

I was still fairly certain it isn’t FROM her as I just can’t square that off but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that she was at the baby shower, has access to me online and knows about this thing.

We told PIL everything when they dropped kids off yesterday and DH said that he was supposedly with this woman that time I was at the baby shower-they completely backed him up that he was with them the whole time and couldn’t believe someone could be so vindictive. I felt bad we told them as they were quite upset about it all.

Back to college friend. We decided yesterday morning to follow Colleen’s lead and I posted a Facebook status viewable just to her along the lines of ‘absolutely devastated. Nearly 20 years only to be betrayed-anyone know a good solicitor?’ (Note, I would never normally share something so private!!).

We figured if it was her, I’d get a WhatsApp message mocking me or full of smugness. We could see she’d be been online lots through the day but we didn’t get anything from the number.

Then this morning I get a WhatsApp from her (using the number she used in the baby shower group) saying she’d seen my status, was so sorry and wondered if I was around for a catch up as she’s a bit worried about a few things and needs to talk to me.

Ive obviously tried to ask questions but she’s just asked if we could meet. We’ve got a few kids activities this morning but I’m meeting her at 2 for a drink and to see what she has to say.

Sorry, that was really long! And please don’t worry, this hasn’t completely taken over our weekend-we took kids to soft play party, had a nice bbq and this morning are going swimming. But I’m determined to find out what this is all about.

CF is TOTALLY in on it. If not the main instigator.

El : oh herm I know her. She stole my man.
CF: that bitch! You know she's married with kids with him now
El: ergh I hate women like that
CF:me too! Someone should teach these man stealing women a lesson

(Etc etc etc)

Sorry that's so high school musical haha! But I reckon it went along those lines

Yep, that's my take. Just saw the image by chance and scrolled through the phone? Unlikely.

But what would a solicitor do?

OP already said she logged the first messages with the police and they weren't interested as the texts didn't tick enough boxes to be worth their time.

Excellent detective work OP and it’s great you’ve not been (seemingly so at least) bogged down by EI’s bad behaviour, though it must be taking its own toll..

I’d be tempted to send EI a message saying you know she’s in pain (not saying due to what just eluding to it being an indication of her behaviour) and you are sorry about that/hope she can find some peace. Then block her.

What are you going to do?

Surely youd just block the number? Does anyone have the energy for this sort of shite?

Agree. Just look at the Sweet Bobby case. On paper it sounded preposterous but it definitely happened.

Would CF know that? I wouldn't. It's just all very strange.

But maybe no one ever told her how to remove pee!

who with, though? CF? or El?

I'd have thought that a graduate, a teacher, would know that a solicitor is not the right person to approach if you've received strange messages on your phone. And that the culprit is unknown.

Unless of course OP said to CF she knew who was behind it.

Gawd...got to stop this- it's like re-writing a bad who dun it!

Ignore the dafties OP. Many threads end up pantomime, but end of day they’re a minority. Majority here rooting for you and hope that you and DH get no more drama 🎭.

Blimey @basilbush

Sounds like El has quite a few issues to work through!! I wonder what her end game was? That you and DH split up and she swoops in to shack up with your DH? If that's what it is, that proper psycho logic.

I think you are right to think through your next move, if there is one. You sound like a nice person who wouldn't want to explode someone's life. Equally what she has done is really troubling.

On Mumsnet??? The peemeisters?

I know! It's just very convoluted, isn't it?!
(btw I'm a teacher with a good degree and didn't know that about a solicitor....)

Well what would a solicitor do?

Edited: as poster has said the solicitor was mentioned in the FB posts about divorce.

Pretty sure the message about the solicitor on FB was in reference to pretending to divorce her husband over the cheating allegations…

You could be right.

I can't keep up!

Needs far too much concentration.

Anyway let's hope that all's well that ends well for OP.

That’s what I would do and try and move on. Hopefully that would be the last of it.

if not, I’d send dh round for a stern word and threaten to get the police involved

Ah, ok. Sorry... bit confused 🤔

Right, kids are in bed and whilst DH finished dinner, just clearing a few things up.

Regarding El and CF-it seems to have got confused somewhere that they are acquaintances? They’re not, they are good friends from what I understand.

Ive also written it out quickly earlier and not in the order that things went down in their conversation which has led people to suspect CF. The way I understand it, their evening went like this:
-met up, chatted about latest updates in life etc.
-El mentions wedding and not being able to find a dress in a specific style. CF mentions her dress and shows photo. I’ve seen this photo, I am the only other person in it, albeit in the background so I can believe she recognised me easily from it.
-Led to El asking a few questions and saying she thought my DH may have cheated with me. (Now this is where I think CF glossed over some things). They then looked online to check who I was married to.
-it’s at this point early in the conversation that CF nipped to the loo and left her with her phone. Personally, I believe this and I have actually left my phone with a friend and also taken part in online stalking an ex on their behalf!
-After this, when she returned the conversation got a little more intense and she shut the evening down.

Although she has form for getting intense about someone previously, I don’t get the impression CF had her down as unhinged.

As soon as I text on Friday, she realised it was probably linked as was literally the night before and I text her out of the blue.

Whether CF is more involved or not, I don’t know but I believe she is guilty of over sharing and gossiping rather than anything else

Thank you. That's a bit clearer.

And second question around why didn’t I straight away ask her if she knew who the number belonged to,…I wanted to see what she knew and thought if I confronted her straight away and it was her, she would concoct a lie.

So she asked how I was and I said it had been a strange weekend so far. She said that she’d seen my FB post and whilst not wanting to be rude, wondered what prompted it as she was worried she may have been involved in it (albeit not with DH). I said I’d been sent some things online. CF immediately said, right, let me stop you there-I think I know what’s going on and I wouldn’t be inclined to believe what you’d been sent…. Then laid it all out to me