Random Message DH Affair Part2

[basilbush]

Hi all

Link to previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

TLDR: I got a WhatsApp telling me DH (by name) was having an affair. The ‘proof’ was very suspect and I didn’t believe it. Went through it all with DH who denies it all and the messages turned to some insults.
We believed it was someone with malicious intent.

Im sorry I didn’t start a thread straight away-I didn’t want to start one and then not have the time to keep it up to date as yesterday was really busy. So some progress has been made:
-After being super certain the baby shower wasn’t put online I’ve discounted the woman from work. I’ve also found out that she’s moved back to her home country on the other side of the world so unlikely.
-I know people were unsure why I thought my college friend was the link. Essentially one of the insults I got sent was quite personal and about something I used to be quite insecure of when I was younger (not so much now) and college friend was aware of it.

I was still fairly certain it isn’t FROM her as I just can’t square that off but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that she was at the baby shower, has access to me online and knows about this thing.

We told PIL everything when they dropped kids off yesterday and DH said that he was supposedly with this woman that time I was at the baby shower-they completely backed him up that he was with them the whole time and couldn’t believe someone could be so vindictive. I felt bad we told them as they were quite upset about it all.

Back to college friend. We decided yesterday morning to follow Colleen’s lead and I posted a Facebook status viewable just to her along the lines of ‘absolutely devastated. Nearly 20 years only to be betrayed-anyone know a good solicitor?’ (Note, I would never normally share something so private!!).

We figured if it was her, I’d get a WhatsApp message mocking me or full of smugness. We could see she’d be been online lots through the day but we didn’t get anything from the number.

Then this morning I get a WhatsApp from her (using the number she used in the baby shower group) saying she’d seen my status, was so sorry and wondered if I was around for a catch up as she’s a bit worried about a few things and needs to talk to me.

Ive obviously tried to ask questions but she’s just asked if we could meet. We’ve got a few kids activities this morning but I’m meeting her at 2 for a drink and to see what she has to say.

Sorry, that was really long! And please don’t worry, this hasn’t completely taken over our weekend-we took kids to soft play party, had a nice bbq and this morning are going swimming. But I’m determined to find out what this is all about.

Yes of course this is normal, but according to the op, CF knew that El had stalked somebody before, was getting fixated on the OP, and even though CF started to get concerned about her behaviour towards the OP, she left her phone with her and allowed her to scroll further. Who would do that?

Definitely not. That’s why I think CF wanted to meet so quickly. She was the only person to see the selective FB post, and immediately reacted wanting a face-to-face meeting. I wouldn’t trust her.

People can do unbelievable things sometimes, this doesn't mean it's not true.

Absolutely! There are some very strange people in the world. Donkeys’ years ago, my sister’s best friend was being stalked by her ex flatmate. She was sent letters, there were nasty phone calls, unordered takeaways turning up. We gave her so much sympathy and support, had her at our house frequently for a bit of company and respite etc. Then, by total accident, my sister discovered her friend had been sending the letters to herself, ordering the takeaways herself and so on. Presumably the phone calls were simply made up. It was awful. And the guilt we felt about bad mouthing the ex flatmate, who we’d all met numerous times before all the shenanigans. So no, nothing surprises me!

I suspect CF has been less than truthful and actively gave OP's details to El. That's why she's panicked and insisted on a face to face, because everything she told OP this afternoon could've been conveyed in a phone call.

No it's not, the truth can easily be very convoluted.

Do you live a sheltered life?

I admire your energy @basilbush to keep posting in between looking after 2 kids and going out to the pub this afternoon!

You must be exhausted.

I think the OP meant either “put the phone number in” or “punched the phone number in”?

Exactly. I had a ‘friend’ like this many years ago who behaved in the same way.

This is exactly how I imagine it going. I once passed my first boyfriend's wife in the street and even though I'd never met her properly I knew it was her because she was the one he'd left me for. That kind of thing cuts deep, so of course her face was burned on my memory! 😂

Dictionary
Definitions from Oxford Languages
acquaintance

a person one knows slightly, but who is not a close friend...

Also, if my husband, for example, wants to show me something on his phone he holds it close to his body to scroll to the relevant part before angling the screen towards me. If anyone tried to touch his phone, he pulls it away.

It's actually quite funny when he does it with strangers and they aren't expecting it. He wouldn't ever leave it alone with someone in a room either.

Thank you.
I didn't think 'plugged' was an accurate way to describe something.

The thing is.....surely the OP could have shared the phone number with her friend CF right at the start, to ask if she knew who it belonged to?

It wouldn't have been any more odd than making contact after 20 years.

I did get that right , didn't I?
She's not seen CF for 20 years?

I'll have to read her update again.

Ah yes, here is it...not seen her except at the recent baby shower for 20 years.

-I’m not worried about the friendship. Before March I hadn’t seen her in c20 years so honestly don’t care

Personally having gone through a similar thing and knowing of other people who this person decided to have a vendetta against as well that it caused all sorts of problems I would personally report this behaviour to the police. I wish I had done years ago instead of thinking this was a one off mental health crisis type thing. The person that they went after after me has be badly affected long term as they didn’t know who was doing this to them and as there were so many things no one but her and her husband could have known she didn’t believe her husband and the aftermath has left their once happy marriage in not a good place

People do all kinds of things that with the benefit of hindsight and time to consider the full implications they may not have done.

Have you never acted rashly or without thinking or with no mal intent that an outsider reading the words on a screen at a later date might say WTF, how does that?

CF may be embarrassed and minimising her involvement, thats not hard to see is it?

Didn't want to leave any trail. Face to face is easier to convince someone you're telling the truth too.

Cracked it guys. The villain is CF. I think she totally egged El on to do it and gave OPS number to her.

Then got spooked and told her tale of the crazy infertile just broken up with her husband woman who is completely mad.

Glad that's all sorted out. Time to close this saga and get back to your normal (hopefully not so dramatic) life. I wish you all the best. Never thought it sounded as if your husband was cheating.

OP has reported it- read ALL (bit of a long read though!)

And also El is probably in a dark place right now so was easy to egg and aggrevate

I can't understand why any woman would leave her phone with someone while they went to the loo.

I mean, why?

'Hey, look after my phone while I go to the loo'.

Why would you? I'm always worried I'd get locked in!

I can confidently say, that if I suspect/know of someone who has stalker tendencies and if they are showing an unhealthy interest in someone that I know… that I would not in any way add fuel to the fire by providing them with further details of that person’s spouse, children, life in general… And not their contact details.

edited to say, I only have about 20 friends on Facebook, so no one is interested in my contacts 😆

She's lying. She was giving the information to El, and has been in league with her. That's my opinion.

If this was true, why would she insist on meeting up with the OP to spill all this rather than just stay quiet?!

Curiouser and curiouser

OP - for what it’s worth you come across like an unusually sane, sensible person in all of this. So many posts here are people with no perspective or faith in their own intuition (sometimes with good reason) - yet you’ve worked your way through a pretty horrific attack from a practical stranger with class, trusting the right people all along, and behaving like a grown up, whilst also not being a pushover and retaining some sense of the absurdity of it as well - and still working to find out who targeted you so maliciously. Well done. If I knew you in real life I think I’d love to be friends!!

If this was true, why would she insist on meeting up with the OP to spill all this rather than just stay quiet?!

You'd think if she was setting this up, or involved, she'd lie low and let OP worry.

Mmmm... because she knew that the OP was going to contact a solicitor, as per the message, and panicked, implicating El.
Would you believe the story of a chance spot on a photo etc? Odd.