Random Message DH Affair Part2

[basilbush]

Hi all

Link to previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

TLDR: I got a WhatsApp telling me DH (by name) was having an affair. The ‘proof’ was very suspect and I didn’t believe it. Went through it all with DH who denies it all and the messages turned to some insults.
We believed it was someone with malicious intent.

Im sorry I didn’t start a thread straight away-I didn’t want to start one and then not have the time to keep it up to date as yesterday was really busy. So some progress has been made:
-After being super certain the baby shower wasn’t put online I’ve discounted the woman from work. I’ve also found out that she’s moved back to her home country on the other side of the world so unlikely.
-I know people were unsure why I thought my college friend was the link. Essentially one of the insults I got sent was quite personal and about something I used to be quite insecure of when I was younger (not so much now) and college friend was aware of it.

I was still fairly certain it isn’t FROM her as I just can’t square that off but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that she was at the baby shower, has access to me online and knows about this thing.

We told PIL everything when they dropped kids off yesterday and DH said that he was supposedly with this woman that time I was at the baby shower-they completely backed him up that he was with them the whole time and couldn’t believe someone could be so vindictive. I felt bad we told them as they were quite upset about it all.

Back to college friend. We decided yesterday morning to follow Colleen’s lead and I posted a Facebook status viewable just to her along the lines of ‘absolutely devastated. Nearly 20 years only to be betrayed-anyone know a good solicitor?’ (Note, I would never normally share something so private!!).

We figured if it was her, I’d get a WhatsApp message mocking me or full of smugness. We could see she’d be been online lots through the day but we didn’t get anything from the number.

Then this morning I get a WhatsApp from her (using the number she used in the baby shower group) saying she’d seen my status, was so sorry and wondered if I was around for a catch up as she’s a bit worried about a few things and needs to talk to me.

Ive obviously tried to ask questions but she’s just asked if we could meet. We’ve got a few kids activities this morning but I’m meeting her at 2 for a drink and to see what she has to say.

Sorry, that was really long! And please don’t worry, this hasn’t completely taken over our weekend-we took kids to soft play party, had a nice bbq and this morning are going swimming. But I’m determined to find out what this is all about.

@basilbush may ruin her career on top of everything else. sorry but did she have any cares about ruining your marriage and the lives of your kids???? I think not! I would not hesitate to take this further and hell mend her if she loses her job in the process!! this woman has form for stalkerish behaviour! who will be her next victim??

Ok, I wondered if it was something El was using. Or if CF told her.
ps I'm glad all is well now.

I'm glad you updated us.

I haven't said I think you're making it up I just noticed some have.

My advice I would report her though especially with her job as a teacher I wouldn't want someone like that around my children.

Yeah that is strange…… especially if El seemed unhinged.

ps I am not saying I don’t believe your story, just not sure I believe CF.

@basilbush I was hoping you wouldnt pull this thread OP. there have been 4 or 5 threads pulled this weekend already! it is good to see the near end result

I think CF and El scrolled through together, now CF feels guilty.

Honestly OP one thing mumsnet has taught me is somebody will have something negative to say.

You could say you've just saved 100 puppies from drowning and someone would find something wrong about that.

You can't win. People asked for an update. You gave it. Now you're attention seeking. People say it's made up. Even if it isn't just go elsewhere and don't read it then!

I have throughly enjoyed the ride and as I said on the last post haven't been this gripped since the Dyson air wrap post

How lovely to read a thread where the dh isn’t actually cheating for a change.
I think CF isn’t telling the whole truth tbh. I think she’s glossed over a lot of info about both of them looking you up on line and having a good old gossip, I don’t suppose CF thought El would take it this far and she’s telling as little as she can get away with. But you haven’t seen her for 20 years so no need to see her for another 20.
I would tell the police, let them decide what to do with the information.

Her actions are a criminal offence. Personally I’d be reporting to 101 the update with the expectations they are sending officers around on the go slow to give her some strong words of advice.

If she then continued it she could be looking at a charge.

You may also like to fire a warning shot. Tell her you know it’s here and tell her you are updating police log too. Let her sweat.

CF didn’t leave her phone with an acquaintance. She left her phone with her friend. CF is actually friends with El. I give my phone to my friend all the time if we’re scrolling through stuff, and I certainly leave it with them if I go to the loo or to make a cup of tea. It’s really not weird… unless you’re a very secretive person.

Some people on here must have very quiet lives if they think something like this can’t happen. I worked as a therapist in a previous career, and I have heard some doozies of what people get up to!

Agree. This bit does not add up. I would not trust CF or her judgment at the very least.

I’ve been on Mumsnet for over 15 years and I’ve seen MNHQ remove troll threads frequently. They have a way of looking behind the scenes. If this was a troll it would have gone by now. So stop the troll hunting, you’re just making yourselves look stupid.

Not a suitable or stable person to be in charge of young people. She would need PVG clearance so any criminal charges (not sure if cautions register) would be notified to her employer.
Wasn’t even messages that were neutral - DH having an affair. El went to the bother of faking What’s App messages and taunting OP. If OP and DH hadn’t pulled together she could’ve broken up a family. Just hope that’s the end of it. TF DH married OP.

Mumsnet doesn't allow troll hunting so If you find this thread unbelievable and you don't believe that OP is a genuine poster, report her thread, rather than derailing it.

Your husband was with this woman for 6 years!! She can’t have been all that awful and unhinged. You’re contemplating going to the police over a couple of text messages?
so far, you’ve heard his side, your friends’ side, your PIL…why don’t you just go and ask her directly before potentially throwing a grenade into her world. You know NO facts.
Childless women coming out of shitty marriages (whom had “hoped” for a fairytale ending for themselves) don’t go after their ex’s family because they spotted the new wife in a photograph at a baby shower!
if she was that bitter about you ‘stealing her man and ruining her chances for happiness’, she’d have had eyes and knowledge on you years ago…🤷‍♀️

What isn’t believable? The whole thing is very plausible. Troll hunting is a waste of time and banned by MN. I suspect this thread hasn’t been pulled for a reason - because MN have no reason to believe the OP isn’t genuine. If you think it’s fake and you’re still engaging then more fool you.

Why do people think it's not real out of interest? Just seems a bit wild for El to do that?

Because I have had way crazier people enter and exit my life....

This has been an interesting one!

If I were you I think i would send her a final WhatsApp deliberately using her name(s) and asking her not to contact me again. Something like:

"Lizzie(/El) it's time to leave this now. Whatever is going on in your life, attempting (however unsuccessfully) to break up my family with lies is a pretty appalling thing to do. To set your mind at rest, if any suspicion of this is contributing to your unhappiness, there was no overlap whatsoever between you and me dating DH. I am going to ask you never to contact me again. Should you do so, I will consider it harassment and update the report I had already logged with the police after your first messages, giving them your identity and all the further details I have. I wish you well."

And then decide whether you report to the police based on the response you get (hopefully none!)

No doubt your name will be absolute mud to her regardless, and she'll have a very twisted version of the story to tell anyone who'll listen, but that's not your problem!

What a ride.

Feel like I've just watched an itv drama, if it is true tho
I'd consider talking to her
To get her side
Ifny9ur dh was buying a house with her then pulled out at the last min, strung her along for 6 years, which is a huge waste of fertile years
shes perhaos trying to hurt him back rather than you
your just the fodder

And I'd also delete cf
Cf is not you're friend and you don't need peopel like that in your life

Agreed.
Makes you wonder who else has been a victim to this too. Imagine her taking a liking to someone's husband and then destroying their family. The op was lucky that she sensed something wasn't right it could of ended her marriage.

It's certainly a drama.

The part of this story that isn't believable for me is CF's account. She was clearly way more complicit in gossiping (bitching?) about you with EI than she suggests. If she really decided to call time on the evening because of EI seeming more erratic and having form for stalking in the past then she's not exactly likely to leave EI with her phone when she goes off to the loo.

Even if she did leave her phone with EI....she wouldn't have had enough time to both get your number from her contacts and scroll back through your socials to your uni and college photos that you say show you had an identifying feature you were insecure about. There's just no way I buy that.

CF clearly is more involved than she says, although I don't necessarily think that she knew EI would message you. But since you hadn't spoken to her in 20 years anyway I'd likely be cutting contact and blocking her too.