Random Message DH Affair Part2

[basilbush]

Hi all

Link to previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

TLDR: I got a WhatsApp telling me DH (by name) was having an affair. The ‘proof’ was very suspect and I didn’t believe it. Went through it all with DH who denies it all and the messages turned to some insults.
We believed it was someone with malicious intent.

Im sorry I didn’t start a thread straight away-I didn’t want to start one and then not have the time to keep it up to date as yesterday was really busy. So some progress has been made:
-After being super certain the baby shower wasn’t put online I’ve discounted the woman from work. I’ve also found out that she’s moved back to her home country on the other side of the world so unlikely.
-I know people were unsure why I thought my college friend was the link. Essentially one of the insults I got sent was quite personal and about something I used to be quite insecure of when I was younger (not so much now) and college friend was aware of it.

I was still fairly certain it isn’t FROM her as I just can’t square that off but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that she was at the baby shower, has access to me online and knows about this thing.

We told PIL everything when they dropped kids off yesterday and DH said that he was supposedly with this woman that time I was at the baby shower-they completely backed him up that he was with them the whole time and couldn’t believe someone could be so vindictive. I felt bad we told them as they were quite upset about it all.

Back to college friend. We decided yesterday morning to follow Colleen’s lead and I posted a Facebook status viewable just to her along the lines of ‘absolutely devastated. Nearly 20 years only to be betrayed-anyone know a good solicitor?’ (Note, I would never normally share something so private!!).

We figured if it was her, I’d get a WhatsApp message mocking me or full of smugness. We could see she’d be been online lots through the day but we didn’t get anything from the number.

Then this morning I get a WhatsApp from her (using the number she used in the baby shower group) saying she’d seen my status, was so sorry and wondered if I was around for a catch up as she’s a bit worried about a few things and needs to talk to me.

Ive obviously tried to ask questions but she’s just asked if we could meet. We’ve got a few kids activities this morning but I’m meeting her at 2 for a drink and to see what she has to say.

Sorry, that was really long! And please don’t worry, this hasn’t completely taken over our weekend-we took kids to soft play party, had a nice bbq and this morning are going swimming. But I’m determined to find out what this is all about.

This is very good wording. Doesn’t kick her when she’s down but let’s her know she needs to rethink or she will find herself in an even worse situation.

If she ruins her career, that's her fault.

Speaking as a former teacher, someone of her mindset isn't actually going to be an asset to any school. You don't really want someone who's gone crazed because of infertility working in a school.

Before I'm accused of being monstrous, I'll add that I very much wanted children of my own and had three miscarriages, one right after an incident at work. I still grieve for what might have been, but if you can't come to terms with your loss then a school is no place for someone in that situation.

I think this is where it may also seem the grass is greener but you never know what’s going on behind closed doors

The reality is I was diagnosed with a very serious and life limiting illness in my mid 30s that meant I wasn’t sure I’d be able to have kids. I then had very severe treatment over 5 years so wasn’t even able to try and have children until I was nearly 40. We were really really lucky that we then had 2 kids very close together with relative ease. But that doesn’t take away the years of illness, DH being my carer and us not knowing the future.

This is where I perhaps have a lot of empathy. At the time I had to take a step back from a lot of my friends as I became quite jealous of other people’s happy families.

So how did she work out what you meant when she contacted you after your message about needing a solicitor? She must have been aware the ex was trolling you?

Exactly.. Depends how the op feels about taking it further I guess.

Makes you wonder who else she's done this to , I feel sorry for any parents of the children at her school if she takes a shine to one of the dads. Worrying really!

Gonna be honest: I’m not completely buying this.

HOWEVER … if it is true, are you sure you can trust CF? You say she knew El had form for stalking behaviour, and yet when El apparently recognised you in the baby shower photograph, CF was happy to go into your social media account and show El photographs of you and your family. You then say that CF decided to call time on the evening as El was getting a bit stalkerish about you, and yet she was happy to leave her with her phone to check out your social media whilst she went to the toilet.

Really?

I think I would have to speak to "El". I need to contact her and tell her CFs story and find out the reaction. CFs story honestly sounds like a tall tale. I'm not saying your husband has done anything wrong OP but something about that situation just doesn't ring true whatsoever.

This

Imagine if this is a wind up.. Alot of imagination has gone into this if so

I'm not saying it is before anyone jumps on me.

Well, it's certainly breaking the Teaching Standards! There are probably question marks against her professionalism, I'm guessing.

If you already have a crime number update the online file.
I let my stalker send over 300 letters. When he tried to push into our home past our teenage daughter we had enough. Our DD had been attacked some years previously so she freaked.
Not a lost love situation but an ex landlord. The police wanted to prosecute, I let him walk for the sake of his children. He ruined my reputation as retaliation. I'm a brothel owner apparently!
Nip it in the bud @basilbush and don't engage. And Fwiw I was told my husband was cheating years ago and I laughed. My sister reassured me by telling me my husband was far too lazy to 'romance' another woman. After a brush with the grim reaper recently I actually know he'd do anything for me. He had too🤣

🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m very happy to leave it here. I wasn’t even sure whether to start a second which is why I didn’t do so yesterday when we changed our plan.

i updated as people on the other thread seemed to think DH could still be cheating to be honest.

As I’ve said upthread, please report if you’d like. Friday was stressful until I spoke to DH when it’s been quite interesting detective work since

Yeah just a bit. This post has just got crazier the more it's gone on.. Some saying it's fake.. I'm not saying that of course I have no idea.

I would just like to point out that I suggested in the first thread that the culprit might be an ex of DH, just saying.

Do CF and El know you had a life limiting illness, @basilbush ?

But tropes that exist are Often overused examples of things that have happened in real life. Why not just report the thread if you don't think it's genuine

This is why I hate MN sometimes. I didn’t start a thread yesterday as I knew I couldn’t update it and it would piss people off. Now I’m home and engaging in posts I must be making it up as I’m clearing enjoying it. You can’t win 😂

If you weren't replying, you'd be getting bashed for that.

No neither of them do. I’ve kept details completely off of SM and unless you’d been continuously in contact with me over the last 10 years you wouldn’t know as I was diagnosed later in life

So true! 😝
Anyway, I’m taking over bedtime now bath is done so will chat to DH and come back laters

Don't let it bother you, it's always the same on mn isn't it? Glad things have worked out ok for you.

It's not patronizing to people that don't know those things. I didn't when I was new. Did you?

I feel sorry for her! What she did was wrong but she is obviously pretty messed up to act like that?

This seemed strange too. Who leaves an acquaintance alone with their phone? I wouldn't!