Random Message DH Affair Part2

[basilbush]

Hi all

Link to previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

TLDR: I got a WhatsApp telling me DH (by name) was having an affair. The ‘proof’ was very suspect and I didn’t believe it. Went through it all with DH who denies it all and the messages turned to some insults.
We believed it was someone with malicious intent.

Im sorry I didn’t start a thread straight away-I didn’t want to start one and then not have the time to keep it up to date as yesterday was really busy. So some progress has been made:
-After being super certain the baby shower wasn’t put online I’ve discounted the woman from work. I’ve also found out that she’s moved back to her home country on the other side of the world so unlikely.
-I know people were unsure why I thought my college friend was the link. Essentially one of the insults I got sent was quite personal and about something I used to be quite insecure of when I was younger (not so much now) and college friend was aware of it.

I was still fairly certain it isn’t FROM her as I just can’t square that off but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that she was at the baby shower, has access to me online and knows about this thing.

We told PIL everything when they dropped kids off yesterday and DH said that he was supposedly with this woman that time I was at the baby shower-they completely backed him up that he was with them the whole time and couldn’t believe someone could be so vindictive. I felt bad we told them as they were quite upset about it all.

Back to college friend. We decided yesterday morning to follow Colleen’s lead and I posted a Facebook status viewable just to her along the lines of ‘absolutely devastated. Nearly 20 years only to be betrayed-anyone know a good solicitor?’ (Note, I would never normally share something so private!!).

We figured if it was her, I’d get a WhatsApp message mocking me or full of smugness. We could see she’d be been online lots through the day but we didn’t get anything from the number.

Then this morning I get a WhatsApp from her (using the number she used in the baby shower group) saying she’d seen my status, was so sorry and wondered if I was around for a catch up as she’s a bit worried about a few things and needs to talk to me.

Ive obviously tried to ask questions but she’s just asked if we could meet. We’ve got a few kids activities this morning but I’m meeting her at 2 for a drink and to see what she has to say.

Sorry, that was really long! And please don’t worry, this hasn’t completely taken over our weekend-we took kids to soft play party, had a nice bbq and this morning are going swimming. But I’m determined to find out what this is all about.

Op how did this random ex know about the thing you was insecure about , that only your college friend knew about Did the college friend bad mouth you to her?

It’s definitely harassment and some sort of breach of the malicious communication act, but I don’t think that’s necessarily that helpful from a getting justice perspective. Maybe look into the possibility of getting a court order banning her from ever contacting or coming near you again. It just warn her that you know who she is and you will take legal action against her if she doesn’t desist.

She looked at OPs SM - she would have recognised both OP and her ex. She was obviously completely thrown by discovering that her ex had gone on to marry and have children with someone he knew when he was with her and then got together with soon after they split up.

Yes, we knew each other from work socials and I actually thought we got on alright. Had many a conversation about Buffy the vampire slayer of all things!!

Yes, so she recognised you from work, that's the bit I didn't get.

Well if she was looking at the socials she may have noticed that the OP has the same surname (if OP changed her name) as her ex boyfriend.

So El recognised you in the background of a photograph, even though she hasn’t seen you for 20 years, and then only knew you as a colleague of DH: is that right?

Wow. I do have a family member who was desperate to have a baby, she married late and had fertility problems. From age 39 right up until age 50 she tried to get pregnant. If a celebrity had a baby in their 50s it would set her off again, I would say it’s probably not their eggs etc but to no avail. She has had years of therapy. The whole thing made her a bit crazy to be honest. She is 60 now and if she sees a a baby or toddler she gets a bit weepy. Not excusing this woman and she sounds a bit dangerous to me. Be careful op.

It also seems a bit slack of CF to allow El to have access to her phone in her absence, that's very trusting.

I'm glad you've got some answers. And I think there's some truth in it but I don't believe CFs version of events, at all.

Don’t do anything to contact her or whatever block and delete!

My guess is that she has done some previous stalking and knew what op looked like before she saw the baby shower pics

I agree. I think CF has played a much bigger part in this.

Yes but he was with her for a year whilst working there before they split up. In fairness if you’d have asked me to picture her I could have in a heartbeat. We had Friday drinks almost weekly.

She looks really different but mostly had a pixie cut whereas my hair has been the same since 1997!

Are you sure you can trust CF? I'm wondering if it didn't go more like CF and El hatched this together to get "revenge" after CF heard El's version that your DH "cheated" on El with you and now CF is trying to cover her own arse?

@basilbush w t massive actual F!!!!! so in her head you are the one to blame for her loveless childless life!!! what a stupid evil cow!!! I hope CF tore her a new arsehole and didnt let her off!!!

Those asking about the personal details. It’s a bit outing but to use something similar-it’s like if I had a lazy eye all through school/college and uni but then had it fixed. Anyone who met me post uni wouldn’t have known but anyone previously would have. There are a LOT of school/uni photos online that I’m tagged in so I think she saw them when looking via CFs account and it’s an obvious thing to pick on and make fun of

Wow. What a saga. Very odd behaviour indeed.

That sounds much more plausible.
And then when CF has sobered up and seen the FB post she’s had a pang from her conscience, but not enough to tell the full truth.
I wouldn’t stay in touch with CF going forwards - even just giving El access to your social media she has proven herself to be an untrustworthy shit stirrer.

Quite. She actually literally handed this woman all your details without knowing her.

To be fair, you are obviously completely clueless about stalking and should not give advice. You could educate yourself via the Suzy Lamplugh Trust and National Stalking Helpine and possibly @basilbush should read this too for accurate guidance

This whole saga (awful for you I know @basilbush ) would make a great film.

The hand that rocks the cradle springs to mind!!! Scary stuff!! Mind you my DPs ex wife did loads of crazy stuff against me when I got pregnant with our son… who couldn’t possibly be his cos they “tried” for 8 years without even a scare! At one point she told everyone I wasn’t even really pregnant and was lying just to keep him….. this was after we’d had numerous scans, knew the gender had a baby shower!! Best one was sending him a load of messages that I’d “apparently” sent to some bloke I knew who was in a relationship!! Oh and she told him I’d been sleeping with an ex on certain days (when I was in hospital lol). Her face at an event we attended with our newborn!!! She stormed out. Emotions and grief over what might have been can really affect some people, in that respect I feel sorry for her. I just nod and smile now when I see her!!!

Also it's the husband's ex girlfriend so he should be the one to say something if they aren't ignoring from now on

I’ve had something similar happen to me. A friend of a friend of a friend made claims that my daughter wasn’t my husbands and told a few people that I had had an affair. Utter nonsense. Tbh I decided to block her from social media and do nothing. DH and I discussed it, he never believed it for a second and refused my offers of a DNA test if there was any seeds of doubt in his mind. My reasoning was that I know the truth, DH knows the truth, our friends and families know the truth and there wasn’t any need to take it any further. I didn’t want to get into some social media war with a crazy person and have my family and daughter become the focus of town gossip. I suggest you do the same. You know the truth now, feeding into this any more will do nothing for you or your family and will just become talking points for other people.