Random Message DH Affair Part2

[basilbush]

Hi all

Link to previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

TLDR: I got a WhatsApp telling me DH (by name) was having an affair. The ‘proof’ was very suspect and I didn’t believe it. Went through it all with DH who denies it all and the messages turned to some insults.
We believed it was someone with malicious intent.

Im sorry I didn’t start a thread straight away-I didn’t want to start one and then not have the time to keep it up to date as yesterday was really busy. So some progress has been made:
-After being super certain the baby shower wasn’t put online I’ve discounted the woman from work. I’ve also found out that she’s moved back to her home country on the other side of the world so unlikely.
-I know people were unsure why I thought my college friend was the link. Essentially one of the insults I got sent was quite personal and about something I used to be quite insecure of when I was younger (not so much now) and college friend was aware of it.

I was still fairly certain it isn’t FROM her as I just can’t square that off but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that she was at the baby shower, has access to me online and knows about this thing.

We told PIL everything when they dropped kids off yesterday and DH said that he was supposedly with this woman that time I was at the baby shower-they completely backed him up that he was with them the whole time and couldn’t believe someone could be so vindictive. I felt bad we told them as they were quite upset about it all.

Back to college friend. We decided yesterday morning to follow Colleen’s lead and I posted a Facebook status viewable just to her along the lines of ‘absolutely devastated. Nearly 20 years only to be betrayed-anyone know a good solicitor?’ (Note, I would never normally share something so private!!).

We figured if it was her, I’d get a WhatsApp message mocking me or full of smugness. We could see she’d be been online lots through the day but we didn’t get anything from the number.

Then this morning I get a WhatsApp from her (using the number she used in the baby shower group) saying she’d seen my status, was so sorry and wondered if I was around for a catch up as she’s a bit worried about a few things and needs to talk to me.

Ive obviously tried to ask questions but she’s just asked if we could meet. We’ve got a few kids activities this morning but I’m meeting her at 2 for a drink and to see what she has to say.

Sorry, that was really long! And please don’t worry, this hasn’t completely taken over our weekend-we took kids to soft play party, had a nice bbq and this morning are going swimming. But I’m determined to find out what this is all about.

She saw her before at work socials.

She recognises her from apparently splitting up their relationship

I’d have your husband record a voice message using your WhatsApp and sending it to her saying that in no uncertain terms to never ever contact you or your family again and that if you do, the consequences will not be insignificant.

OP says they have met before "When I first met DH he had a girlfriend who he occasionally brought to work socials, Lizzie." so guessing 'El' thought she recognised OP on the photo as her ex's 'new gf' and then dig deeper.

They had met before from what the OP said.

if you read the OPs post, she would know who OP is from the work socials that the DH bought her too before OP and her DH got together.

No - she recognised OP from work socials years ago just before OPs DH dumped her

Definitely don't do that.

Should add that he needs to mention her name. The fright of hearing her name alone should curtail her nonsense.

I actually thought about the Colleen saga when I read your last thread

I wondered that, but I guess the woman would have probably recognised her? If her ex had started seeing someone 6 months after a breakup? She might have kept tabs on him for a bit? (Or am I the only one who stalked my exes for a few months...?)

The MNHQ rule is that if you don't believe a thread is real, you must report it.

Posters may get away with subtly posting on a thread something along the lines of 'Oh my word, how incredibly unbelievable' or 'goodness me, what dramas you do keep having, OP', but that's about it.

I think MNHQ's rationale is that they would prefer to moderate calmly behind the scenes than have threads full of massive 'bunfights' (as they call them) that are not attractive to advertisers, sponsors and potential MN premium members. Conversely they do allow swearing as long as it's not aimed unpleasantly at individual posters.

Well, CF would have told her who the OP's husband was.

So, it’s a mad ex girlfriend? I am not surprised but I am always horrified by the lengths some people will go to. “Unhinged” is absolutely right.

How does El / Lizzie know this personal thing you're really insecure about?

Oh I see. So El recognised OP and then it became clear who she was married to.
Gotcha.

What a palaver. How did your cf friend see the post though? I’m confused!

eta…never mind, I worked it out! I am that person watching films!

This seems like good advice.

Poor woman to be so unhappy, but what a stupid thing to do.

Oh there we go. And she may well have heard on the grapevine that they got together. Just might not have realised they stayed together (until now!).

You have done the right thing getting to the bottom of this OP.

I'm glad you and DH are rock solid. CF has actually done you a favour as the culprit sounds borderline dangerous.

If it was me I would definitely let the culprit know that you are on to her and her nasty little games. If you have any more harassment from her, report her to the police.

Yesssss I wondered this too ....

Oh my goodness.

I'd be tempted to text her saying you know exactly who she is and it's in the polices hands

Why? It won’t escalate the situation unless she’s already planning to stalk even more. I’ve dealt with loonies like this before and a scary husband who won’t put up with crap has fixed things very quickly.

Yes, I know that, but I didn't realise that El would have recognised OP. That's been clarified now.

Yes, saw just me in the photo and essentially harboured some resentment to me as believed my DH cheated with me and wanted to see my account to see who I was married to after asking CF if I was married. As soon as she saw I married her ex, it was like ‘boom’ according to CF