Random Message DH Affair Part2

[basilbush]

Hi all

Link to previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

TLDR: I got a WhatsApp telling me DH (by name) was having an affair. The ‘proof’ was very suspect and I didn’t believe it. Went through it all with DH who denies it all and the messages turned to some insults.
We believed it was someone with malicious intent.

Im sorry I didn’t start a thread straight away-I didn’t want to start one and then not have the time to keep it up to date as yesterday was really busy. So some progress has been made:
-After being super certain the baby shower wasn’t put online I’ve discounted the woman from work. I’ve also found out that she’s moved back to her home country on the other side of the world so unlikely.
-I know people were unsure why I thought my college friend was the link. Essentially one of the insults I got sent was quite personal and about something I used to be quite insecure of when I was younger (not so much now) and college friend was aware of it.

I was still fairly certain it isn’t FROM her as I just can’t square that off but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that she was at the baby shower, has access to me online and knows about this thing.

We told PIL everything when they dropped kids off yesterday and DH said that he was supposedly with this woman that time I was at the baby shower-they completely backed him up that he was with them the whole time and couldn’t believe someone could be so vindictive. I felt bad we told them as they were quite upset about it all.

Back to college friend. We decided yesterday morning to follow Colleen’s lead and I posted a Facebook status viewable just to her along the lines of ‘absolutely devastated. Nearly 20 years only to be betrayed-anyone know a good solicitor?’ (Note, I would never normally share something so private!!).

We figured if it was her, I’d get a WhatsApp message mocking me or full of smugness. We could see she’d be been online lots through the day but we didn’t get anything from the number.

Then this morning I get a WhatsApp from her (using the number she used in the baby shower group) saying she’d seen my status, was so sorry and wondered if I was around for a catch up as she’s a bit worried about a few things and needs to talk to me.

Ive obviously tried to ask questions but she’s just asked if we could meet. We’ve got a few kids activities this morning but I’m meeting her at 2 for a drink and to see what she has to say.

Sorry, that was really long! And please don’t worry, this hasn’t completely taken over our weekend-we took kids to soft play party, had a nice bbq and this morning are going swimming. But I’m determined to find out what this is all about.

It was Rebekah Vardy's account ....

Another shameless placemark, this is the most intriguing thread!!

Looking forward to reading your update!!

I'd have been very interested to know who was sending the messages too. I don' think I could have 'blocked and moved on' as a few suggested in the last thread.

On tenterhooks here!

Shamelessly placemarking!

My thoughts too!

Very invested in this thread 😂

Keep coming back to check for updates. You have us all in suspense OP!

Wow op. I'm intrigued!

You are toying with us!

I’m so sorry everyone. I got home, briefly told my DH who’s response was ‘WTAF’, he went to the gym and my little one pretty much straight away wet himself all over the new sofa so have been knee deep in cleaning stuff. (If anyone has any hacks for getting urine out of fixed sofa cushions I’d be grateful!)

So I’m going to lay this out as it seems to have unfolded. My college friend is CF (not cheeky fucker in this instance) and the person behind it we’ll call El Hopkins as name is sort of important here.

CF met El at her last school (both teachers) c15 years ago. They became friends and although CF changed schools, they stayed in touch and meet every so often for a catch up. El and her husband have had fertility issues and have had several rounds of IVF. In the new year, her DH said he wanted to stop, that they were both in their 40s now and he wanted to focus on life without children. This has caused some upset and they have recently decided split due to this reason. Each time CF and El have met the conversation has been dominated by Els issues and she’s seemed more unreasonable and to use an mn phrase ‘unhinged’.

Right, back to how this ties in. Thursday they met for a dinner and El was talking about a wedding she was due to go to and couldn’t find anything to wear. CF told her to try love and roses as she’d got some lovely dressed from there-she then got up photos of baby shower to show her the dress she was wearing at it as an example. Guess who was in the background of these photos? Moi. Innocently stuffing my face with cake.

El then asked CF how she knew me-CF then spoke about college/uni etc. El asked if I was married and CF said yes and (she apologised for this) then got up my SM and let El scroll through showing photos of me and DH, our kids etc.

Through this I’m thinking-who the fuck is this person. I didn’t recognise the name or anything. So CF in turn then gets up her SM to show me and I flick through. El Hopkins is Lizzie Baker (both names made up) who is DHs ex girlfriend from 20+ years ago.

When I first met DH he had a girlfriend who he occasionally brought to work socials, Lizzie. They broke up as she wanted to get married and have kids and he, being only 25ish felt too young so they broke up. 6 months later we were put on a project together and the rest is history.

Apparently she went on some rampage about how I’d broken up their relationship (I didn’t!) and if she’d have stayed with him, she might have children by now and not be childless and alone forever (her words).

CF could see this going a bit crazy so called time on their evening. She left El with her phone while she went to the loo to have a gawp on me online so is suspect this is how she got my number.

She said when I messaged her Friday saying I had a bizarre question, she thought something may have come of her conversation with El as it was so out of the blue but then saw my post and just knew El had some something. Apparently when they worked together she got hung up on a colleague and borderline stalked him online so has form for this.

CF plugged the phone number in and it came up straight away with Els name so she didn’t even create a fake number or anything.

Phew, that was long and completely random!! I’m about to do dinner and when DH gets back we’re going to work out what to do about it. Clearly this lady is having an awful time of it but it’s really no excuse for how she has behaved!

And Lizzie Baker decided she preferred ‘El’ to ‘Lizzie’ some time ago apparently and Baker is her maiden name.

Which is why when we saw her name when sleuthing, it didn’t ring any bells (she also looks super different!)

Jesus OP. I'm glad you've figured it out and I'm even more pleased that you believed your husband.

the rules are, don't post doubts on the thread, report it to MN, and let them investigate.

If it IS a genuine poster, derailing it could cause them problems/upset them.

It's been a rule as long as i've been here.. which is currently at least 18 years.

Crikey. She's batshit.

That's insane! Glad you are okay and thanks for updating the thread. What now? Block and move on?

That's an interesting update. So this woman saw your image by chance and dug deeper. However, at that stage she didn't know who you were married to?
Did she just fixate on you straight away? Odd.

Wow what a lunatic!

Blimey!!!!!!

Wow. That’s like a novel.

Bloody hell OP she's unhinged! Are you just going to block her on everything now?

Yes! Good point.

What a nasty little bitch! Plot something good and make a holy show of her. Jealous little cow no wonder he husband has ran for the hills

Aye aye aye! I would, in your shoes, send a final message on WhatsApp, addressed to her full name so she knows you know, using a cease and desist template wording (ask ChatGPT), something like 'any further contact will be regarded as harassment and added to the crime reference case we have opened'. Then block.

Sheesh!

Old friend has been very, very stupid.

Omg that's crazy!! Poor woman sounds like she's had an awful time of it and must be deeply unhapp... but no excuse to try and destroy your life!

In seriousness though, she does sound unhinged. Be careful. What are you going to do - just block and ignore? Or let her know you know who it is? I'd be tempted to report to the police personally (just to have on record... just in case) as I'd be worried about her doing something else!

Also thanks so much for coming back on and updating us.