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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Random Message DH Affair Part2

923 replies

basilbush · 01/06/2025 10:41

Hi all

Link to previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

TLDR: I got a WhatsApp telling me DH (by name) was having an affair. The ‘proof’ was very suspect and I didn’t believe it. Went through it all with DH who denies it all and the messages turned to some insults.
We believed it was someone with malicious intent.

Im sorry I didn’t start a thread straight away-I didn’t want to start one and then not have the time to keep it up to date as yesterday was really busy. So some progress has been made:
-After being super certain the baby shower wasn’t put online I’ve discounted the woman from work. I’ve also found out that she’s moved back to her home country on the other side of the world so unlikely.
-I know people were unsure why I thought my college friend was the link. Essentially one of the insults I got sent was quite personal and about something I used to be quite insecure of when I was younger (not so much now) and college friend was aware of it.

I was still fairly certain it isn’t FROM her as I just can’t square that off but it seems to be too much of a coincidence that she was at the baby shower, has access to me online and knows about this thing.

We told PIL everything when they dropped kids off yesterday and DH said that he was supposedly with this woman that time I was at the baby shower-they completely backed him up that he was with them the whole time and couldn’t believe someone could be so vindictive. I felt bad we told them as they were quite upset about it all.

Back to college friend. We decided yesterday morning to follow Colleen’s lead and I posted a Facebook status viewable just to her along the lines of ‘absolutely devastated. Nearly 20 years only to be betrayed-anyone know a good solicitor?’ (Note, I would never normally share something so private!!).

We figured if it was her, I’d get a WhatsApp message mocking me or full of smugness. We could see she’d be been online lots through the day but we didn’t get anything from the number.

Then this morning I get a WhatsApp from her (using the number she used in the baby shower group) saying she’d seen my status, was so sorry and wondered if I was around for a catch up as she’s a bit worried about a few things and needs to talk to me.

Ive obviously tried to ask questions but she’s just asked if we could meet. We’ve got a few kids activities this morning but I’m meeting her at 2 for a drink and to see what she has to say.

Sorry, that was really long! And please don’t worry, this hasn’t completely taken over our weekend-we took kids to soft play party, had a nice bbq and this morning are going swimming. But I’m determined to find out what this is all about.

Random message saying DH affair | Mumsnet

Hoping for some advice here Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception). I would say we have a h...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5344952-random-message-saying-dh-affair?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

OP posts:
TheaBrandt1 · 01/06/2025 16:06

No one else felt as strongly about my friend as he did. Her parents were suspicious we just could not believe it was him. Until he broke down and admitted it 😳. It was sad we were all in the 6th form so only 18 his parents were divorcing and he had to retake his a levels think he was in a bad patch.

saraclara · 01/06/2025 16:10

I'm shamelessly place marking, and an so relieved that the PILs confirmed that your DH was with them all the time.

RememberDecember · 01/06/2025 16:13

Following for the update!

DeSoleil · 01/06/2025 16:13

I’m interested in learning the outcome.

I wonder if it will end in a damp squib with the friend admitting she was drunk and apologising or there will be a dramatic plot twist and it’s someone else…..

Bloodorangey · 01/06/2025 16:18

You need to read the Paula Byrne book “Look to your wife”

it’s like this

NamedAfterABeatlesSong · 01/06/2025 16:19

Eagerly awaiting with bated breath, your update OP!

Zara82 · 01/06/2025 16:19

This has being the most interesting thread in while...

Newstartplease24 · 01/06/2025 16:20

I want to know what happens!

Holly485 · 01/06/2025 16:21

Whoever it is OP, they really are vile.

cocoromo · 01/06/2025 16:23

Shameless place marking

OrangeAndPistachio · 01/06/2025 16:25

I've been lurking and am very curious to see your explanation op! I'm glad you've got to the bottom of it.

MyRootinTootinBaby · 01/06/2025 16:29

Do people know that you can click bookmark and it’ll save that post and bring you back to it the next time you click on the thread, instead of having to post about placemarking?

PurpleFlower1983 · 01/06/2025 16:30

Placemarking for the update!

I hope you got the answers you needed!

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 01/06/2025 16:30

Callie247 · 01/06/2025 16:05

And you can stop insulting people you don't know.b

The letters RTFT come into play here. Or if the whole thread is too much for you, which when it is1000 posts long it may be, click on "see all" under the first post and see all the OP's posts and explanations of what is going on.

FloofyKat · 01/06/2025 16:31

I’m all agog!

Sunshine1500 · 01/06/2025 16:33

I hope you get answers, it’s very strange!

Dita73 · 01/06/2025 16:35

Oh for fuck’s sake,where is she?! I’m nearly wetting myself! 😂

Growlling · 01/06/2025 16:36

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 01/06/2025 16:30

The letters RTFT come into play here. Or if the whole thread is too much for you, which when it is1000 posts long it may be, click on "see all" under the first post and see all the OP's posts and explanations of what is going on.

Well that’s not patronising at all! 🙄

FrazzledFTworkingMum · 01/06/2025 16:38

any update as of yet?

CuthbertStrange · 01/06/2025 16:41

Argh! I want to sleep (it’s LATE where I am) but I’m waiting for the update 😬

Moonlightexpress · 01/06/2025 16:42

Kreepture · 01/06/2025 15:04

Reminder, if you don't believe it, fine, but don't troll hunt.

Yes i will report every one who does it, the rules on this are quite clear.

@Kreepture Whats troll hunting? Why do posts not believing the op get reported and then actually taken down? I kinda wasn't sure if it was real due to some bits but we could say that about any post here really. But why can't you say if you dont believe ? Genuinely asking, not trying to being rude?

Choux · 01/06/2025 16:42

Sounds like after the baby shower long lost friend said to someone else you both mutually knew in the past “you’ll never guess who I met at a baby shower?” and updated them that you were married, had a successful career etc and THAT person decided to try and bring you down by sending the messages. Spiteful of the person doing it.

Kimithy83 · 01/06/2025 16:43

Would your first thought be updating a bunch of strangers or your husband and family first? Give the woman a chance to digest what’s happened this afternoon!

Teaandtoast12 · 01/06/2025 16:43

This is wild!! Shamelessly place marking! Hope you’re okay as whatever happened that’s really horrible to go through

Tangerinenets · 01/06/2025 16:44

Omg can’t wait to read the next instalment!