Husband is MASSIVELY pee’d off with me

[Blackjack2002]

I had lip filler done today but didn’t tell my husband as I know he hates it.
I pranked him a few years back by sticking my top lip up with face glue as an April Fool, and he went mad. At the time, I said I’d never have it done. I’ve never been confident about the way I look, I’ve just turned 48 and thought why not?

I’ve only had a small amount and they are quite swollen, they will settle down in a few days. But he says he can’t look at me and that I look like a clown. He’s been angry and shouty but now getting the silent treatment. We rarely have a cross word so today has been no fun.

Not sure what to do. Any advice please?

Now, I didn’t say he wasn’t entitled to an opinion, I just said he is probably really shocked because they are so swollen, why are you taking offence at my comment?

no, but bored with the trolling and zero examples of lip filler that doesn't look overdone and fake.

I can’t get past the gluing your lip ‘prank’. How ridiculous.

I agree , you’d never know because they don’t look done, subtle is a thing with a skilled practitioner not a back street beauty salon.

I’m not taking offence.

I just don’t believe that the “it’s your body” posters would truly have the same energy if their husbands came home with lip filler.

Which leads me to believe that it’s not a “it’s your body” issue and more of a “societal expectations on women’s beauty” issue.

She’s done something legal, it’s her choice to get it done! She has free will, wouldn’t be my choice but at the end of the day she has gone and done it and her husband really can’t stop her doing it can he! She’s her own person, that’s all I was saying!

I have to say, these look really good and I've never once thought that about lip fillers.

And all that would apply to her husband doing the same

Now imagine if a mumsnet poster came on and wrote that her husband had had lip fillers…

If a husband did it, I’d say that’s highly unusual as I don’t know any men who would want to get lip fillers (not saying they aren’t out there), I would also say it’s his body and his choice! Humans have free will!

They're just lips!

Obviously, your body, your choice anyway. And love is blind and all that.

But aside from that, it's not like you've started transitioning to a man, or gained 8 stone. Or got a great big tattoo of his face, on your face.... It's. Just. Lips! I see loads of fillers about?

Maybe he's peeved you hid it from him? Or "wasted" money, if it's tight?

No but he doesn’t have to like it and can react how he wants.

But he says he can’t look at me and that I look like a clown. He’s been angry and shouty but now getting the silent treatment

I'm stunned at the replies you got here. WTF?

It doesn't matter whether it's lips, a tattoo or a haircut: your H responds like this, you have a bigger issue.

I wouldn't put up with shouting, anger and hostility in a relationship, period.

I'm sorry but why did you do that to yourself? fillers are harmful and can cause permanent scarring. Please don't do it again! with respectful vibes.

I don’t like lip fillers. But if that’s what you want to do, then do so.

But Op, why on earth would you think that altering your face will bring you confidence? I would love for you to invest in yourself. It doesn’t sound like your partner is helpful towards helping with your self esteem.

I agree with everyone that says he is entitled to his opinion, which you know. In my relationship we both have strong opinions but usually we are firm if we want to do something. For instance I know my partner hates tattoos - but if I was to get one I would say “look it’s my body and I’m getting a tattoo” - I might not tell him when but at least he knows.

It sounds like you couldn’t even say “I’m getting the lip fillers done whether you like them or not” and I believe that is the issue - why can’t you speak to him? Is the relationship making you feel worse about yourself? Or is he entitled to be a little mad because he hates them and probably needs a sulk.

If DH suddenly had a skinhead or dyed his hair purple and said it made him feel better about himself without discussing it, I'd find it odd. Especially knowing I didn't like the look.

Yes it's your body, but a big part of being in a relationship is physical attraction and communication.

They'll be posts saying it's your choice and he should love your mind not your body, he can leave etc, but that's not how healthy relationships work.

In fairness to @CharlotteRumpling I didn’t think they looked natural.There seems to be an unusual imbalance between the top and bottom lip. They look as though they belong to two different people ( in that photo; might be different irl).

I wasn’t going to say because I suspected it was probably a staged “aha” to make people feel guilty for criticising someone’s natural lips, but the truth is some natural lips will look more like they have had sonething done than others will. I suspect, in fact, those particular lips were selected for that very reason.

And ironically, as regards the “ liar” accusation, posting the misleading “ all the filler haters” as the introduction to the photo is the closest anyone has come to being a “ liar” on this thread.

So what about getting old then? Saggy boobs, saggy testicles, wrinkly faces?

I do agree that it’s unreasonable not to expect him to react adversely if he was open about not liking that look; but I think the idea that relationships can’t look past physical unattractiveness is a bit pessimistic.

They do look quite good.,

I used to get my top lip filled and loved it. For those that have lovely lips that are symmetrical top and bottom or fuller lips may not understand why.

I usually do half a syringe for my top lip once a year.

The brushing and swelling will go down within a week and it will look much less swollen. Have you thought to use an over-the-counter cream to help? Hirodrud is one that I use.

As for your DH, it’s done and will settle down. It is your body after all.

Your husband has no right to be this upset about you making a very small body modification. He doesn't own you. It's YOUR body, YOUR face, YOUR lips, not his. You might be married but you're still an individual. Something as small as this is really none of his business. It's not like you underwent a surgical face risk while he was out of town for work.

I bet it will look fab once the swelling's gone down. When it has, put some great lipstick on and show the judgmental prick how good you look.

*face lift, not face risk.

It’s your face but you knew how he would react. Hopefully when the swelling is down they will look nice and he can get over it.

A friend of mine had lip fillers done and hers looked lovely and natural.

Exactly!

They'll be posts saying it's your choice and he should love your mind not your body, he can leave etc, but that's not how healthy relationships work

If an issue is approached with anger, shouting and 'the silent treatment,' it is not a healthy relationship.

You thought, 'Why not?' I think you've got the answer to that. Maybe you should've asked yourself, 'Why?' instead.