Husband is MASSIVELY pee’d off with me

[Blackjack2002]

I had lip filler done today but didn’t tell my husband as I know he hates it.
I pranked him a few years back by sticking my top lip up with face glue as an April Fool, and he went mad. At the time, I said I’d never have it done. I’ve never been confident about the way I look, I’ve just turned 48 and thought why not?

I’ve only had a small amount and they are quite swollen, they will settle down in a few days. But he says he can’t look at me and that I look like a clown. He’s been angry and shouty but now getting the silent treatment. We rarely have a cross word so today has been no fun.

Not sure what to do. Any advice please?

Or maybe he just doesn't like the look of them?

Make sure you don’t fall asleep on them and follow the advice from your aesthetician or your doctor (whoever injected you).

Let your husband sulk as much as he wants.

I had lip injections years ago and they looked great. My hairdresser had them done and they were only noticeable when I got up close to pay (different texture).

Don’t stop looking after yourself.

This is fine so long as you don’t go too far.

The first time you have one amp injected it’s hardly noticeable. The body absorbs it. You’re meant to go back in two weeks for the maintenance dose. My doctor said I couldn’t have any more than a total of two injected. I loved having lips as I had such teeny tiny lips my whole life. I didn’t think I’d have the money to pay for it. But it did and that started me doing other things I didn’t like about myself and I had weight loss surgery.

Lips are a gateway to other procedures. Procedures that make a difference to your life.

You should have spent the money on therapy for your low self-esteem, not on shoving chemicals into your face.

Team DH

It's funny when women do something to their body that looks terrible 'your body do what you want' when a man does it 'it's OK you have the ick he needs to leave take him for everything'

I love reading these posts about cosmetic procedures. There is always someone who says something like ‘gateway procedure’ or ‘it starts with this and then you can’t stop’…. It is not a drug. Yes, there are women who completely go overboard and change their features. But a good aesthetician will tell you the best injectables are not detectable. Botox and fillers used correctly can really soften and enhance your existing features. Often the first few days your lips are swollen but once they settle down, if done correctly and without overdoing the dose, they can really look beautiful and may not even be noticeable to most people.

This is obviously duck lips, over filled cheek bones, tattooed eyebrows, false eyelashes, low self esteem women aside which most agree looks terrible. There is definitely some sort of body dysmorphia going on in these cases as it would be hard to find a group of people to concur that this look is good on anyone.

I don’t agree with PP who say that your DH opinion doesn’t count. Of course it counts, he cares about you and it would be a very utopian world we live in to say that looks don’t count towards physical attraction. I love wearing a little make up (honestly a little compared to what you see on SM) and my husband genuinely prefers me without makeup. Men are allowed to have preferences just as you are about what your men look like. So without a picture, we cannot really comment. Only you know OP whether this is something you’ve done to make yourself feel better and only you know what you look like in the mirror and if you’re happy with it.

'Lips are a gateway to other procedures' was an unfortunate phrase to use! The word 'Gateway' often refers to the small bad thing (like cannabis) that leads to terrible consequences. We should focus more on people being happy with the bodies they've got (as long as they function well) rather than fiddling about with them in order to meet some unnatural standard. Remember that somebody is making a profit out of persuading (usually) women that they aren't good enough and need to alter themselves.

@Muffinmam P.S. None of what you say alters the fact that her DH just doesn't like the look of them.

I agree with you. But we should be focusing on the women who completely disfigure themselves and asking questions why, not those who genuinely want to enhance or improve their existing features subtly.

It is a completely subjective matter as beauty is in the eye of the beholder but we do live in the year 2025 and there are so many options there for women to fix things that bother them. For example I lived for so many years with a gummy smile and skew teeth. What a revolution it has been to be seen by a proper cosmetic dentist and given the confidence to smile with my teeth.

Because when i've told people they said they hadn't noticed and why would they? So many judgemental people on this threat who clearly don't understand you can get as little as 0.5ml injected.

Yes and even such a small amount can look terrible the day or two after. You need at least two weeks for it to settle. Even I am shocked the day after and fear I’ve made a mistake, once they settle down I’m always so happy.

Not everything has to be Katie Price style and there are many women walking amongst us who have had procedures done that the average person would not even know they had done by looking at them.

People like Kate Middleton have a face full of botox and filler but people on here wouldn’t twig because she doesn’t embrace the fake look. But injectables are no big deal these days and you can get a really nice and natural result. Including with lip filler.

Yes - as I said, we should focus more on helping people to be happy with the bodies they've got ( as long as they function well). It's terrible that there is so much emphasis and pressure on the need to conform to an unrealistic (and unnatural) 'ideal'.

@Worriedsickmostofthetime P.S. Well done for the teeth! That's a good example of when something is a definite improvement and well worth doing.

It's your body and your choice, just like it's up to your husband whether he finds lip filler attractive or not.

Wonder how many people commenting are in a loving relationship, where you take into consideration each other’s feelings? OP knew he isn’t a fan, made a joke which he reacted to and then had the procedure done anyway.

“Oh really, I didn’t notice, it’s so natural looking” is kind of the default, polite response when people say they’ve had work done. Very few people are going to say “yeah, I noticed… the ridge on your lip is so obvious” or “ehh yeah, I noticed when you couldn’t frown” etc.

Of course, you may know the most honest people in the world who would never dream of telling a white lie to avoid hurting a friend.

There may also be plenty people who noticed, but never said anything, and aren’t people you’ve discussed it with, so you’ll never know if they noticed or not.

Do you dress accordingly to your husbands wants and wishes?

so many women on here that are okay with being controlled by only appearing how their husband likes!

jeeeez. Feel sorry for you all.

Such an over the top response, seeing such a lack of maturity, no need to feel sorry for people that might actually communicate in a relationship. I wear clothes that I like wearing but a massive difference in having my lips filled. I would hate to kiss my dh with his lips done, it’s always good to look at things from a different angle

Some of these replies are ridiculous 😂. You don’t owe anyone a discussion or permission before making a change to your own body — especially something that affects you and only you. It’s your face, your choice. Full stop.

The fact that he’s shouting, sulking, and saying he “can’t look at you” isn’t concern... it’s control. You’re not his property, and you’re not breaking some sacred pact by doing something that boosts your confidence.

You did nothing wrong. His reaction is not okay.

I’d imagine this makes the OP feel way better about herself. Well done

OP, they’re your lips, and you can do what you like with them. He’s probably just a bit thrown off by the swelling and lack of warning - fingers crossed he’ll calm down soon and you can talk it through with him properly. Sorry you’re getting a rough go on here, and at home

I've never seen anyone look good with fillers..they always look fake.

That's not a great comparison is it, you don't suddenly wake up old with all those changes, they're gradual, hence the term growing old together.

Of course it's possible to look past appearances, but OP had a cosmetic procedure that her DH doesn't like, hid it/lied and is surprised he's not happy with it.

People stay married and attracted to the same person, no matter the physical changes, be it an accident, disability, getting or indeed cosmetic procedures.

But some don't, loads of threads over the years where someone's been left for the same reasons.

OP's DH may be wondering what she'll change next, more fillers, boob job, butt implants or could be feeling like a failure for not validating her enough.

Yes that’s a good point in answer to my comment: there is a difference between things that happen slowly and a sudden change.

Moreover, I guess one could argue that it is an expression of intent to appear a certain way or an expression of style or priorities in a way that a change of appearance getting old is clearly not. Noone is going to age on purpose in a way they know their partner finds unattractive.