Random message saying DH affair

[basilbush]

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

A friend had this a few years ago. It turned out to be from the OW. I hope it’s just a scam, but see if you can do some digging before confronting him.

Well if that's the case then great, because OP isn't going to be stupid enough to send some money off to a stranger.

But if it was a scam that was testing if a number was real, how would they have known the husbands name?

Well, you'll know one way or another. They'll either stump up the proof or they can't.

Oh OP @basilbush

its either some horrible attempt at a scam / cruel joke, or it’s true.

either way, of course you are in turmoil right now.

have they still not sent anything?

Dont chase for it. If they have prove, they’ll send it.

if they start stringing it out, making you beg etc, its probably a scam.

xx

The latest message sounds REALLY scammy.

'I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).'

Well, hopefully he isn't being unfaithful but the above is no indication that someone is NOT cheating.

Firstly, men find a way. They just do.

Secondly, I wouldn’t mention it to my husband until I’d done some intense investigation - but then I have major trust issues lol. Maybe you’re more normal than me.

finally, it’s clear the mystery whatsapper wants to cause you pain. Whether that’s because she’s a genuine OW or some weirdo out to cause trouble remains to be seen. I’d really try to forget about what might give them satisfaction or not and instead work the situation in whichever way will get any potential info out of them. THAT’S your goal, who gives a toss what this random person thinks or feels?

Away with work… hmmn

have you got another phone/a friend phone you can call the number from?

Really hoping it’s a scam! There are lots of WhatsApp scams around at the moment to be fair.

Can you say who it was? It must be so weird if it's someone you know.

I'd definitely ask them to prove it. Also wonder how they got your number.

Sorry to leave you all hanging, I had to pick up my youngest and drop him off at my PIL.

i have been sent a screenshot of some WhatsApp messages and to be honest, I think they’re bullshit.

The WhatsApp is his name and a photo of him but not the one I have for him. The chat is full of emojis and him saying ‘babe’ a lot and ‘nite’ with some text speak that isn’t something he uses.

its actually weirdly made me even more sure hes not cheating as it just isn’t language he’d use if that makes sense?

Does anyone know if you can save a name and number in WhatsApp contacts as anything? Or rename them.

i haven’t replied as I’ve been with my youngest but im not sure how to tackle this now.

i have my privacy settings upped in WhatsApp thanks to the poster who suggested it

Well that makes me think it's a scam or prank. It was nasty before with the dig at you being naive (actually any anonymous message about affairs is nasty) but now it's obviously someone trying to upset you.

If it's the OW trying to cover her tracks because she wants to end your marriage without your husband blaming her, then bring it. If she wants to prove it then she'll have to expose herself as being the one who sent you the proof nobody else would have.

This has happened to me twice believe it or not. Once with my ExH which turned out to be true, and once with my fiancé which turned out not to be. On the first one (exh) I asked him and gave him the chance to do all kinds of excuses and also speak to OW and get her off his back. Second one I did the prove it kind of response and she couldnt. It was very early days and he had had email conversations with her on a dating website and then on whatsapp but never actually met her, and long before me. This could all be proved. He was a bit upset I didnt speak to him first but understood and it was the right thing to do. Ask her to prove it.

Sorry but "Prove it" is definitely not the best reply. It sounds too haughty but at the same time clearly a sign of denial and fear. If it's the OW messaging you then they can easily send proof which will put you in the more awkward position.

It could also be a mutual friend who wants you to know about the affair. They've already given the tip but if you demand proof then there's no point going further anyway. It's also not a scam because they mention the husband by name. That's just wishful thinking.

Gym and work conferences are two major red flags tbh. Sending pictures and Facetiming is the perfect coverup because only the most stupid cheater would turn off their phone the entire time leading the suspicion that they might be up to no good.

The most obvious thing would be to go through his phone while he's asleep. Take the number that messaged you and search it in his Whatsapp.

You can knock up fake texts and in seconds using various online tools like https://www.fakewhats.com/generator

I think you should show your DH. He sounds like a decent guy and he will want to know if someone is trying to ruin his reputation like this.

@basilbushafaik it will show whatever name you have them saved as, but I didn’t think you could change the photo. Could be wrong. Could also be photoshopped, or I suppose they could have set up a fake number as your DH with his photo on WhatsApp.

If I were you I’d keep digging, you’ll either find out more proof of an affair OR you’ll find out who the weirdo troublemaker is

OK well it could be he has another phone and the picture is attached to that number? Did you see the number on the screenshot or just the picture and name?

If there is an affair then she will have told him what she's done, so he will be expecting a problem tonight.

I wouldn't believe that, personally.

You can save a number in Whats app as anything - and if they've set up a fake account also they could use any photo.

So either you are right and this is indeed a wind up

or your husband is going to extraordinary lengths to have an affair including owning a second phone that you dont know about.

I think I'd be playing along with this person on WhatApp to do some more digging and getting info. Screenshots of some flirty banter is certainly not proof of an affair but i'd want ot know why on earth anyone would pull this kind of stunt for no reason.

often one partner is blissfully happy with the life they have and the other not so happy

i would say if you have kids under 5 it’s the prime time for a man to cheat
less sex , more stress , less attention from wife both of you tired and exhausted

I know a guy who would say he was at the gym
he would leave his phone in the gym locker and then go and see the other woman

he had a burner phone that was exactly the same make and model with the same screen shot on both 😂 so if his wife ever looked at the burner phone she would just assume it the same phone
he had a different password on the phone but only by 2 digits

The other woman was a friend of mine which is how I know all this

if a man wants to cheat he will
it’s not hard to do and if your determined to do this then you can do it easily

The fact they took a while to respond suggests to me that they were busy making the photos! This is sounding more positive I think op.

this to me, is the best they’ve got, they clearly have no photos.

it isn’t proof.

don’t respond to them any more

but do some stealth digging now on your husbands side

Didn’t show the number on the screenshot so could be bloody anyone