Random message saying DH affair

[basilbush]

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

People are so spiteful and sad

Sounds like a scam to me. I didn't think so at first as they used the DH's name but apparently that can happen now. Scams are getting more and more sophisticated.

What a nasty thing to do.

If someone generally wanted to prove it I think you would get screen shots etc as soon as you asked. My only concern would be it’s a bit odd that it’s the same time that he is away. I presume an affair partner would tell if they wanted to end the marriage and be together. But op I think your dh would be a lot more secretive with location etc if this was the case.

I hope it's nothing OP.

I get what you’re saying, but that would be for OPs DH to explain themselves. And then for OP to assess the chances that it’s real.
Quite frankly if someone was creating deepfake content as you are suggesting, I’d be referring that to the police.

I didn't think my ex had the opportunity but he found them. Work meetings/gym visits etc. I hope it's not anything but find out for your own peace of mind.

This information isn't too hard to collate from data breaches. In the Reddit thread about the scam, the victims were targeted from a wedding planning service (The Knot) so they had spouse's name, maiden name, addresses and phone numbers all together, no need to collate anything.

Feels weird to be hoping you're a scam target, OP, but in this case I am! It's perfectly true that work and the gym are very popular excuses for affairs, though. Fingers crossed.

@basilbush - I hope this turns out to be a scam.

I thought the initial message seemed kind of spiteful or rather the comment that you’re naive to think that your marriage is happy. That strikes me as the kind of thing that someone who envies you would say.

I had someone message me last year telling me my husband was having an affair with his wife. When we checked my husbands phone for the number, it was a guy who had asked my husband for a job months before and been turned down. He had a few days earlier messaged my husband on social media, again asking about a job and been told no. When confronted he said someone must have taken his phone when he was asleep and he denied any knowledge of the messages. It was honestly one of the most immature things I’ve ever experienced.
You messages sound like someone is trying to be cruel, not supportive. You know your husband best, speak to him!!

I retell this tale every time, but here's my experience... 20-odd years ago when I was engaged to my (now-ex)DH, I got an anonymous typed letter saying he was playing away. For various reasons I didn't believe it and showed it to him straight away. Good job I did, because 2 weeks later he got an almost identical letter saying that I was playing away! They were sent to our work addresses (different departments at the same company), so we suspected it was someone at work and told a friend in HR. DH then got another letter, claiming my other man was an unnamed married man at work (trying to create suspicion in DH towards his friends at work I guess). We never found out for sure who was sending them, but I am sure that jealousy was the reason as there had been several engagements, weddings, and new babies in the company that year. Who knows how many other people got them but kept it to themselves? If I'd not told DH about the first letter, and then he received his, that could have had the sender's desired effect, pulling us apart with suspicion.

Meanwhile, a friend (now elderly) admits that when he was younger he used to send anonymous letters and packages to people in his village that he'd had minor fallings out with over the years, just for shits & giggles. So much easier now of course online, hardly needs any effort at all!

My sister had a similar message last year and ignored the first one. Second message claimed to have proof and sent a couple of (very badly) photoshopped photos. It would have been laughable if it hadn't been so obvious that that someone was so vindictive as to try to destroy their marriage. It went on for a few weeks and they did eventually find out who was behind it and it was all quite unbelievable really.

I hope it’s not true and they’ve been vague enough that it could be a scam OP, but in case it isn’t:

• they find opportunity - I was cheated on and he was my neighbour, moved in someone, I still stayed over… never noticed a thing
• if it’s true, get your proof and don’t engage again; the OW doesn’t give a fuck about your feelings
• even if nothing looks sus at face value, check his notes. Apparently a lot of people cheat through shared notes on the app; also check for hidden apps.

I’m really sorry, I hope it’s nothing.

Yeah, fuckers playing games

Send back

Yawn.....

This.

I'm sorry OP you are going through this, and hope it's not true .

I suspect the reply hahaha means it's from an OW, or a friend/family member of hers maybe if he has binned her after sleeping together at the conference? The naive statement was bitter too, I don't think it's a scam.

I know a woman who received abusive phone calls from the OW sister calling her names! Presumably because husband hadn't left wife in the end and they were trying to work it out and OW was broken hearted? The audacity 😂

Please update us OP

If I was in this situation (as i read it here obvs!):
I’d;

1. block the whatsapp no., …let them stew!
2. confront DH, along the lines of, “when’re you moving in with this ‘fling’ then?”, & work from there.

Could be a poison pen ….they were doing the rounds on Facebook.

It could still be a scam. The haha seems a very odd thing to say from, supposedly a grown woman. It could be a stock reply.

Now they can send you a link with proof’.

Don’t open any links!!

If they send you a link you won’t know if it’s genuine or a scam unless you open it, which is risky!

How awful for you OP. How could someone be so cruel as to send the second message? It is clearly not a concerned friend.

It must be OW. It has all the hallmarks of somebody trying to disrupt your relationship (I know, I know, HE is the one disrupting it) so you would have a storm, divorce and she 'gets to monopolise him'.

OP quickly turn off your read receipts on WhatsApp. That way when/if they send their supposed ‘proof’ you can look at it without them knowing you’ve seen it. Take your time with it. It’s a silly, small thing to do but any chance to take back a little bit of control helps.

It's hard not to be worried but someone is sending you an anonymous text like that is fairly cowardly and does not lend much to their credibility.

If it is true then I would hazard a guess that this is the other woman, looking to disrupt the marriage because he won't leave you for her and she's trying to force his hand.

I would 100% be having a conversation with your DH about this asap. It's not something you can sit on, it's too big a deal.

I'm very sorry you are in this situation, whether it's true or not, it's pretty horrible and the very best of luck and hugs too.

This.