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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Random message saying DH affair

1000 replies

basilbush · 30/05/2025 11:29

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

OP posts:
AlexisP90 · 30/05/2025 21:22

We need more supposed "proof" to narrow things down really. So we can pin point their source of information.

I would reply asking how many times it happend/where was it etc

BippidyBoppety · 30/05/2025 21:23

She (sounds like a she) is in your head, messing with you. She is messing with your head. Don't fall into a conversation with her (ask about tattoo's etc). Put it away for the night, have a couple of glasses of wine with your DH, have another look tomorrow.

Don't play her game, don't allow her to dictate your evening. Don't let her in your head. She's a sad miserable lonely girl on a Friday night trying to mess with your head.

Have a lovely evening x

Xiaoxiong · 30/05/2025 21:23

My DMum has a good line in stringing scammers along, but I agree with pp that this doesn't sound like a scammer, this sounds like someone with a grudge trying to upset you.

Do the insults they're flinging down the phone give you any clues? "You're such a shit boss..." etc. I'm probably grasping at straws though.

Grimysunflower · 30/05/2025 21:23

I think the work angle is looking most likely seeing as you & DH are both at the same workplace, you have work colleagues on SM & mentions of work are included. How bizarre!! What a weird turn of events... so annoying you can't pin down who it is and surprise them with a message about their identity!
Probably against all GDPR, but you couldn't find if the number belongs to anyone at work somehow?

longapple · 30/05/2025 21:24

I'd reply and say "thanks for the heads-up, I spoke to him and he confessed everything. We're going to work it out together" See what they do with that. I'd be most annoyed if I'd made up a lie and it turned out to be true!

They could be literally anyone that overheard mention of you being at the shower without him. They don't need to be linked to you on Facebook to have found your profile.

hyggetyggedotorg · 30/05/2025 21:24

It sounds so much like it’s your colleague rather than DH’s acquaintance.

Why though? And why now?

EleanorReally · 30/05/2025 21:25

i hope you can block them and spoil their fun
it sounds very disturbing op

Grimysunflower · 30/05/2025 21:25

BippidyBoppety · 30/05/2025 21:23

She (sounds like a she) is in your head, messing with you. She is messing with your head. Don't fall into a conversation with her (ask about tattoo's etc). Put it away for the night, have a couple of glasses of wine with your DH, have another look tomorrow.

Don't play her game, don't allow her to dictate your evening. Don't let her in your head. She's a sad miserable lonely girl on a Friday night trying to mess with your head.

Have a lovely evening x

I do agree with this approach, this is the most sensible (& would probably drive the woman mad!).

But I can't help but think I'd want to investigate... the above poster is right IMO though, they're trying to create a melodrama & no need to get sucked into it. Well done to the way you & DH have handled it.

Miyagi99 · 30/05/2025 21:27

I would log it too, just in case she is poorly.

AlexisP90 · 30/05/2025 21:27

hyggetyggedotorg · 30/05/2025 21:24

It sounds so much like it’s your colleague rather than DH’s acquaintance.

Why though? And why now?

Why and why now has no reasoning for some people. Someone tried to ruin my relationship that I hadn't spoken to in years and really was a situational friend.

A grudge for some people never ends. And finding a small snippet of information gives them a way in to wreck havoc.

And also while I agree this person could have mental health issues and that's totally plausible I do think if that's the case you still need to find out who it is because they may do it again and this sort of thing ruins lives. If that is the case then it's best to know to get them some help

MelaniesLaugh · 30/05/2025 21:28

Could you try putting the number into Facebook and see if they come up? Sometimes it does if their profile is linked to their phone number f

KaleQueen · 30/05/2025 21:29

@basilbush boom boom

The lovely (late) Sean Locke once said in a stand up routine that ‘now and again, if I get a bit bored, I like to log onto Mumsnet and post something to wind them all up’

im not in anyway suggesting this isn’t real. I’m just remembering what he said. Was so funny. Have a look.

CaribbeanChaos · 30/05/2025 21:29

I think at this point I’d be playing along with them.

”oh, I knew it, I knew he was cheating on me” and “thank you so much for confirming this” and “please send me all the evidence you have” offer some dates “were you with him on x/x/xx when you know you were together all day” and wait to see them say yes.

Then wait.

One day next week withhold your number and call them.

Boggartdreams · 30/05/2025 21:29

What a cow whoever she is!

Moonlightdust · 30/05/2025 21:29

Good you’ve taken advice from a friend in the Police.

Given your further updates re both you and your DH working for the same company and the person referring to ‘getting to where you are’, I think it’s quite likely a colleague.
I wouldn’t block them yet as I’d be too intrigued to find out who it is.
Hopefully some other posters can give you some good sleuthing tips to unveil the culprit. Good luck OP.

TheRealMrsFeltz · 30/05/2025 21:30

Apparently I only got to where I am by being a slut. So they know something about my work and position in it.

Um well, hopefully this proves they don’t actually know anything about how you got your position! 😉 😉

Letmeuseanywordiwant · 30/05/2025 21:32

I bet it’s the court case woman

AlexisP90 · 30/05/2025 21:32

Has anyone left your company recently? That you may have had some beef with?

Also any partners of anyone at work who may resent you or DH

AlexisP90 · 30/05/2025 21:34

AlexisP90 · 30/05/2025 21:32

Has anyone left your company recently? That you may have had some beef with?

Also any partners of anyone at work who may resent you or DH

The court case lady could be an angle. Any way she could have known about the baby shower at all? Did someone tag you on Facebook in a post and she guessed DH wasn't there?

BippidyBoppety · 30/05/2025 21:37

KaleQueen · 30/05/2025 21:29

@basilbush boom boom

The lovely (late) Sean Locke once said in a stand up routine that ‘now and again, if I get a bit bored, I like to log onto Mumsnet and post something to wind them all up’

im not in anyway suggesting this isn’t real. I’m just remembering what he said. Was so funny. Have a look.

My best friends partner once told me he did the same. Attention seeking f*ckhead ...

AlexisP90 · 30/05/2025 21:39

I have not been this invested since the Dyson air wrap saga.
I have to go get my toddler to bed. If there is a part 2 someone please link.

There are some great ideas here BTW OP. If I were you I really would so some more digging. People can't get away with shit like this.

Sunnyevenings · 30/05/2025 21:40

Haven't read the full thread but I think this is a grudge against you OP rather than your DH. Or possibly a very old flame of your DH who also knows you through work. My gut feels that whoever this is has recently had a relationship break down and is trawling through her past and you and your DH have come up as subjects for her anger/grief?

Pinkypup · 30/05/2025 21:42

Are you able to search the number in your work emails?
If people have their numbers in their signatures and you just put it in the search bar at the top you may find them

Serencwtch · 30/05/2025 21:42

Report to the police as harassment?

Unlikely they will do anything but you could respond with 'reported to police any further evidence please forward to them ref: 99950012345 '

Save screenshots then block the number

CandyLeBonBon · 30/05/2025 21:45

What a nut job op. I’d log the messages in case it escalates. I had to do similar with a stalking ex and it took several months of similar shit but he did eventually escalate and was ultimately successfully prosecuted for stalking and harassment. Keep your cool

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