Random message saying DH affair

[basilbush]

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

Add that he's out with the boys for the night to have more chance they'll text him.

I have no idea how to find out who it is but I'm so invested in this thread - it's fascinating how bizarre some people can be

If you want to count out the old friend (or anyone else), try to do it now.

Pick your phone up and call her, right now. Just think of a random reason, be light and breezy and 'I'm SO sorry to call late but'.

It would be great to see some reactions. If she answers, seems sober and slightly bemused at your call but totally normal you can pretty much count her out at least!

Whoever it is either won't answer OR if they're pissed they might panic and answer...I think they'd find it hard to appear normal though!

Also came to say I'm so invested. And this will need a part 2 thread soon!

It sounds, from your last update that this is possibly a colleague or ex-colleague. Have you had to discipline/dismiss anyone? Have you received a promotion? Been given a specific project? Or have been given the lead on a new project? Think back over the last 6 months. It's someone who has your mobile number? Do all your colleagues have this or just a select few? Has your SM been locked down, so only friends can see posts/pictures? Or have they been open to be publicly viewed? I wouldn't say a word to anyone about the situation, other than your husband (and us ladies on MN!). Go into work bright and breezy on Monday, talk normally to whoever you usually talk too but mention you're off out with some friends you haven't seen for years on Saturday on your own (or whatever day). Don't post this on SM. See if come Saturday or Sunday you get a message from this weirdo saying your husband was with them whilst you were out. You'll know for sure then it's a colleague. This person might not necessarily be a woman, it could easily be a man pretending to be a woman.

Attacking you over your job sounds like a jealous person.

What has the college friend done since college and what have you done since?

I wouldn't be ruling someone out because they seemed nice. This is someone who knows you and has access to your social media.

I don't think it's a scammer anymore. A scammed tries a hook stays for a while then moves on.

I do think it could be someone way out there though. An ex, a colleague.. someone you ir DH have annoyed in some way. Even minor.

And I would go way into the past too. This person may have found out a small thing ( you were alone at the baby shower)- and just gone absolutely in on that.

Up to you OP but if you wanna solve it you are going to need to reply.
"OK what other times did you both have sex? I need more proof to confront DH than one time example"

So bizarre OP, glad you and your husband are in it together now, you’ve either unintentionally ground someone’s gears or they’re getting to your husband via you (with the intention of causing friction in your marriage) or it’s just someone that’s had a complete breakdown x

This is so weird. Are there any unhinged or jealous people in your life?

The work angle is intriguing-I’ve worked at the same place for nearly 25 years now and know a lot of people! I also have a LOT of people on my SM from there. There hasn’t been a situation where I’ve been up against anyone for promotion.

However, last year I was involved in a situation where a woman accused someone I work with of sexism and aggressive behaviour. I was named as a witness and actually backed the person accused (it was an absolute load of rubbish). I believe she tried to sue and that was all concluded (not in her favour) earlier this year.

But she’s not on SM and no one I know is in contact with her.

I also met my DH through my work as he also worked for the same company for 6 years and we worked alongside each other.

My DH has spoken to his police friend as we’ve had 3 messages which have been insulting but not threatening. He advised we could log it with the non emergency number but in reality they would probably give me advice about locking my SM down and blocking the number. He doesn’t think they’d have the resource nor the severity of it to investigate it with phone company etc. He said to back up WhatsApp and take screen shots including with the full number and block.

I don’t want to block as I’d like to try and find out who it is.

And to those who asked, my only single response was ‘prove it’. I haven’t bitten back again since

Have you told him about this thread?

I have name changed for this post to remove anything identifying. I don’t think they’ve found this thread

Could this woman have known at ALL that you were at that baby shower. ANYTHING on line?

Very hand that rocks the cradle that one...

As it's escalating, I'd be ringing the police.

The problem with asking them to text him or tell you his phone number is IF he were having an affair (and I'm not saying he is) then it is highly likely he'd have a secret phone so the number she would have would be different anyway.

I agree with a PP that this needs logic and reasoning and you shouldn't immediately discount work colleague.

Why don't you ask what his tattoo is of? You said it was on his back and rarely seen. If this is someone in your Life that doesn't know your DH very well which is what it sounds like then they won't know.

Yes! We are reading replies together as there are some good ideas about how to delve a little deeper

Hope you find out who it is @basilbush so strange

Is there a service you can use where you can look like you're calling from Severn Trent/ a reputable company so they answer a random phone call??

Edited as posted twice!

How many people were at the baby shower?

And who are their partners/friends.

@basilbush do you ever mention your social life at work? All it would take is a couple of overheard conversations about your weekend?

🙄 well…that escalated quickly didn’t it? 🤔

Yeah, it's called the police.

It could be somebody that wants to stir up trouble for one or both of you. Maybe he turned down a proposition from someone? Or it's someone who's envious of your marriage? I can think of reasons why somebody might make this up.