Random message saying DH affair

[basilbush]

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

OP, this is next level sleuthing! I hope you get to the bottom of it.

Document everything, make a podcast and then sell it to Netflix! xx

I’d also go with the prove it reply & I don’t want to have the bad word OP , but they could chat on Apps like kik , where you don’t have to have one another’s number , so she wouldn’t be in his contact list & he could have hidden on his phone.
Also , what does your husband work at ?
Is it a job where he could get away during the day if he wished to ?..
I really don’t want to put things in your head , I’m just saying there are ways of having affairs very discreetly where no one is any the wiser ..
For what it’s worth, I hope he’s not, & I’d be very surprised if he was, because from what you say , ye sound very happy, what a fool he would be x

Actually, has the texter claimed the affair is with her specifically or just that she knows about it?

If she is saying it is her, I would ask her to tell you your DH phone number. If they are having an illicit affair, she will know it.

Did any of DHs friends know you were at a baby shower and he wasn't with you? Could any of his friends wives/girlfriends etc have known this?

People do this sort of thing for weird reasons. The pool could be bigger than you think

And it could still be male or female

Could you see if that number is in his phone? How awful for you.

The person messaging is claiming to be the one having the affair with him. Whoever it is is now sending insults down the phone and has clearly had a wine.

I know I’m being urged to reply and set traps but I really want to have definitive proof and then a ‘gotcha’ message and I don’t think I have that yet.

Apparently I only got to where I am by being a slut. So they know something about my work and position in it.

Whoever it is sounds wonderful!!

So it's definitely someone that knows you both then @basilbush?

Wow - slowly making their way into malicious communications territory.... 😮

Reply with “I’m not sure why you keep harping on about this, you know we are poly right?” Then when it gets back to you that someone is saying you’ve got an open relationship you can find out who said it!

Can he wrack his brains at all - I don't mean he's having an affair but has any woman been a bit friendly and maybe had her eye on him and he's not been receptive? A woman scorned and all that. He may not even be aware

Honestly, I'd go to the police. Whoever it is sounds unhinged and malicious communications is a crime. The police may be able to trace the number.

Try searching the phone number on FB, Instagram and LinkedIn

Ok so they are claiming to be having the affair?
Still could be make or female.
When something similar happend in my past I kept getting texts saying my partner was kissing another woman in his car,and pointed out places he would have definitely driven during the day.

I got DP to drive to Tesco car park when the texts were coming in fast and ask where he was now. I then got DP to drive down a small cu de sac with 1 way out.

He was able to get out of the car and confront him and it was a male friend of mine. I hadn't actually spoken to them in about 2 years at the time. He quickly drove off.

We still have no idea why he did it all.

Not super helpful but I would say widen your pool when narrowing it down. Anyone at all who knew you were at that baby shower alone.

You sound like you're handling this so well.
I know the Wagatha Christie side of things is really fascinating but it must be really upsetting to get receiving such horrible messages. Do allow yourself to feel the feelings if that makes sense.

Sounds as though it could be someone from your current/ previous company with a grudge or who is jealous. It's very odd indeed. When I was very young and stupid I fell into an affair with a married man. He didn't tell me he was married to begin with. I was devastated when I found out. He would see me at lunchtimes, he would see me when he was meant to be out with his friends. If he was going away for business or away with his friends he would cut the trip short and fly back to London early to spend the night with me. There are many ways people make time for an affair sadly. Not saying that is happening to you.

Hey OP ..
I only read all your updated posts there & see your husband works from home..
I put a post up earlier so please ignore before I read all the updates!
Clearly your husband is not having an affair , I’m glad x ..
Whoever is messaging you though is crazy. ! !

I think I would reply with "You were right. He has admitted everything. I have packed his bags and he is on his way to you now. Enjoy".

It’s all very childlike, are there any relatives this could be? The spelling, goading, desperation for attention makes me think young teens!

Oo also a good idea. Totally call their bluff that DH has admitted it

Thinking outside the box… could it be someone at your DH’s office that would have access to your number for emergencies? He might have either been seen in the park and casually explained that you were at a baby shower or just said it in answer to ‘how was your weekend?’ Obviously someone deranged / malicious who could be obsessed with your DH or want to derail him professionally by giving him home stress? Or, the made up texts sound very young, could it be a teenage babysitter? Someone young who looks after your kids?

Time to let the police know for information now and in case it continues in different ways after you've screen grabbed it all and then blocked it.

Or early twenties. All this 'nite' and 'bae', it really sounds like someone pretty young.

I think it’s far more likely to be a closer friend than the old college acquaintance.

Just commenting as I’m invested in the outcome now!