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Original poster

Random message saying DH affair

1000 replies

basilbush · 30/05/2025 11:29

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

OP posts:
treesandsun · 30/05/2025 20:09

AlexisP90 · 30/05/2025 20:02

If you think you have an idea of whonit is - Wagatha Christie this shit.

Post something that only they, or a few suspects can see with something like rare night out tonight with the girls!
Or something that indicates you aren't with DH. See of they bite and say anything about him being at his affair while you were out with the girls eg

Yes - Make a post and make the audience just your suspect . If she bites asking you to ask him where he was when you were out with the girls last night . You can say well old uni friend he was with me waiting for you To trip yourself up as you have done. Then post a summary of what she's done in the Whatsapp Group so all the work friends know.

Bunny44 · 30/05/2025 20:10

Has anyone you supposedly know added you on social media recently OP? Just wondering if it's someone who has a crush on your DP and is stalking you under fake accounts guised as someone you know.

PiggyPigalle · 30/05/2025 20:12

So the person messaging actually claims to be the other woman? I assumed it was a friend of a friend, who " thought you should know,"

OVienna · 30/05/2025 20:12

basilbush · 30/05/2025 19:55

So we’ve gone logically through this and it’s definitely not a scam. It’s personal and aimed very much at me.

I have IG and FB but neither are public. But we found the image used for DH in WhatsApp in a profile picture id posted a couple of years ago for his bday. (I’ve now changed my settings so my profile photos are not freely seen).

Nothing was posted online about the baby shower and I wasn’t tagged in any photos for it. BUT I was added to a WhatsApp group to organise it and find a date that suited everyone. At this baby shower were some work colleagues of my friend who I’d not met before and one of them turned out to be a woman I went to college and uni with who I’ve not seen for c20 years. We had no great falling out, just lost touch. We had a good catch up and a chat about our dogs!

She is my friend on FB as I joined back in the day in 2007 when you added old classmates etc.

I’ve got another message from the supposed ‘other woman’ giving another time she was apparently shagging my husband and this one I did post on IG as I was having afternoon tea with a couple of friends.

Ive checked that old WhatsApp chat and this old college friends number seems to be still active and doesn’t match the number I’m getting messages from. However, she’s a significantly link as was at the baby shower (which wasn’t online) AND would have seen about the afternoon tea (which was online but only to friends).

She and I have no grudge but it seems to all link to her.

BTW when we rang the number it just rang out-didn’t even go to voicemail.

Gosh I’m exhausted from all the sleuthing we’ve just done over dinner.

We’re now trying to work out how to approach this

I'd immediately text her on the number from the whats app group and say youve been thinking about her today and how nice it was to catch up, youte sorry youve lost touch, you'd love to arrange another meet up some time. See what happens..

OVienna · 30/05/2025 20:13

Bunny44 · 30/05/2025 20:10

Has anyone you supposedly know added you on social media recently OP? Just wondering if it's someone who has a crush on your DP and is stalking you under fake accounts guised as someone you know.

Also this

DontStopMe · 30/05/2025 20:13

I guess it's worth bearing in mind that the culprit could be on Mumsnet as well if you're planting things to work out where they're coming from.

GarlicMile · 30/05/2025 20:15

ItsSoFoggy · 30/05/2025 19:25

People really are horrible these days to do such malicious things. I sometimes wish mobile phones and social media were never invented. People are nuts.

Nutty people have always existed, they didn't need modern tech! A woman who lived near me had some kind of obsession about me - she sat at her window, logging my comings & goings, then would cross-examine me about some trivial detail she'd fixated on. She'd built up a whole soap opera in her mind, despite the fact that we rarely met and barely spoke to each other.

She found out I got housing benefit and reported me for fraud. This was due to her conviction that I was in a relationship with one of the male neighbours (I wasn't) and he'd moved in with me. My HB was suspended and the LA took too long to get around to investigating. I was evicted.

The awful woman seriously damaged my life. I think she was just lonely and a bit loopy, but no amount of compassion can undo the harm she did. No social media required!

Dressinggownqueenslay · 30/05/2025 20:16

I would be tempted to message them nice try and that you are both narrowing down who they are. Just to make them panic!

Sera1989 · 30/05/2025 20:16

treesandsun · 30/05/2025 20:09

Yes - Make a post and make the audience just your suspect . If she bites asking you to ask him where he was when you were out with the girls last night . You can say well old uni friend he was with me waiting for you To trip yourself up as you have done. Then post a summary of what she's done in the Whatsapp Group so all the work friends know.

Show quote history

I was going to suggest this, but I think maybe if the person doing it is this unhinged then they might be expecting something like that. I’m pretty sure this is exactly how Rebekah Vardy was caught out

Milennialworkinprogress · 30/05/2025 20:16

I'm just still so confused as to the 'why'

Something here is missing and I really hope this works out for the best, because something really isn't right here.

Igotupagain · 30/05/2025 20:16

It could be the partner of someone who knows/suspect that they are cheating and has (wrongly) decided that your husband is the AP

Mumlaplomb · 30/05/2025 20:16

OP this all sounds creepy and I thought it sounded like a hoax from your first post. If it gets weirder I would speak to the police.

Mrsknowitall · 30/05/2025 20:16

I would just say, you’re getting boring now, see ya

Original poster
basilbush · 30/05/2025 20:17

I know I’m going to sound mad but I don’t actually think it’s college friend. She was (and still seems) lovely. We weren’t close enough to have a falling out really.

And it just doesn’t make sense-why wait nearly 3 months to start causing trouble since we randomly saw each other. Why only pick a very old photo of DH and one post on SM as evidence? She’s a ‘friend’ on FB and IG and could have easily picked a more recent one-there’s also loads she could mine from my profile to use… why only pick a very old obscure photo and one event that was a while ago from all the others? I actually had an overnight canal trip with a few friends and was tagged in that. It would have been a great one to pick as I was away overnight as one where DH was supposedly with her.

Something doesn’t add up that points to her. We’re going through her friend list now to see if we recognise anyone but she has LOADS!!

I will blush but keenly accept the ‘Wagatha’ title! 😝

We were supposed to be going to the cinema tonight but scrapped it for this instead!

OP posts:
researchers3 · 30/05/2025 20:17

Piggled · 30/05/2025 11:49

I’m just saying, please don’t be naive. Women are always in such denial about what men are capable of.
’He doesn’t have the opportunity’ is never true.

Show quote history

Sadly agree with this.

My ex had affairs that were years long. I thought he was hard at work in the office!

Pun unintended.

Dressinggownqueenslay · 30/05/2025 20:18

i would keep them talking to get more ‘clues’ of who they are and why they are doing it.

Igotupagain · 30/05/2025 20:18

Fake post some new stuff on insta and Facebook. E.g DH is playing golf tomorrow and you are off for a spa.

OVienna · 30/05/2025 20:19

Block the woman from IG and FB so she can't find any more angles. If its her that might work too..

Original poster
basilbush · 30/05/2025 20:19

Milennialworkinprogress · 30/05/2025 20:16

I'm just still so confused as to the 'why'

Something here is missing and I really hope this works out for the best, because something really isn't right here.

Yes, everything about this. It just doesn’t make sense. There is no ‘why’ and nothing to be gained that I can work out

OP posts:
BloominNora · 30/05/2025 20:20

I would reply = "Yes I know exactly where he was during the baby shower as he was there with me"

Their response to that will tell you whether they were at the shower or not and reduce your suspect pool!

GrimTimes1 · 30/05/2025 20:20

Get her to screenshot the main profile of your husband as her "contact" on WhatsApp - the page that shows the profile picture and his number underneath??

Milennialworkinprogress · 30/05/2025 20:20

If your DP is having an affair then this is a really long thought out ruse.

Blimming heck.

MrsPinkCock · 30/05/2025 20:21

This is so bizarre!

SlightlyJaded · 30/05/2025 20:21

I would need to know who this was.

I think at this point I would message something like
"the texts you shared with me aren't enough. Send me evidence"
And see what comes through.

anotherlevel · 30/05/2025 20:21

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 30/05/2025 11:31

I think I'd have to reply to the message and just say "prove it".

This

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