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Original poster

Random message saying DH affair

1000 replies

basilbush · 30/05/2025 11:29

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

OP posts:
Hoogey · 30/05/2025 19:32

basilbush · 30/05/2025 19:01

Thanks so much for the messages everyone.

My DH came home at 5 and pretty much as soon as he came through the door I went through it with him. Although I don’t believe he is cheating, I didn’t want to give him the opportunity to hide anything away.

I very much approached it with the attitude of ‘you will not believe what I’ve been sent’ and showed him. I didn’t want to string him along that I’d been sent ‘proof’ as his reaction would tell me what I needed to know.

I saw no trace of guilt on him at all. He was bewildered, confused and concerned that this had been worrying me and I hadn’t told him. He offered his phone freely and asked if I’d rung the number. I said I hadn’t and he suggested we ring it together. I purposefully did it from his phone and it didn’t come up with a suggested contact.

He then insisted I go through his bag and also offered me his work phone which also showed no trace of the number.

I was clear with him that I didn’t believe it from the off as when would he have the opportunity, forget anything else (I know others will disagree!). He then sort of had a lightbulb and got up WhatsApp messages between him and his personal trainer at the gym organising their sessions. He has definitely been going to the gym as I can also see on our account that we’ve been charged for the sessions (which I didn’t think to check before).

I can also see plenty of messages about the work conference in his team chat. He has a couple of others with people he works with - some are women-but they are mundane, boring organisational things and nothing that points to anything suspicious.

I know there will still be those who say ‘but…’…
I gave him no warning I wanted to chat so he didn’t have any time to hide things and his reaction was one of bewilderment and concern, then really wanting to find out who is behind this.

Im satisfied with our chat. We’re going to have some dinner now and then try and work backwards on who this can be and why. I’ve spent all afternoon thinking about how to approach it with DH and haven’t thought much about who it is so I’m switched gears now to focus on that.

I didn’t reply to anymore messages but got one more that simply says “well!!???” Which tells me it’s annoying them that I haven’t engaged…. So I will continue to be silent

Its someone cruel winding you up. Don't fall for the prank, I would believe your husband. Maybe someone at his work is doing it??

babystarsandmoon · 30/05/2025 19:32

I really done like being negative but I would still be cautions.

When the OW reaches out it’s usually because she’s confronted him, not for the reaction she wanted and she feels left with other option than to tell you. He’s likely to have had an idea from her that she will contact you so could have had the chance to delete her.

What’s to say he didn’t nip away while at the parents on that rainy day?

It’s too personal to be a scam.

YourSignalFadedIntoAnotherWorld · 30/05/2025 19:33

Were there any photos put online of you at the baby shower OP? If so, it's not a stretch that your DH would be absent from that event.

It's horrible though.

JustMyView13 · 30/05/2025 19:33

I’d report it to the police for harassment, and block the number.

YourSignalFadedIntoAnotherWorld · 30/05/2025 19:34

I would go to the police and try and get a prosecution under the malicious communications act.

2025ismybestyear · 30/05/2025 19:38

I really hope he's innocent. My husband was always at work or with me. For the very rare early start and an overnight he had reasons. Yep, screwing a random woman.

Crikeyalmighty · 30/05/2025 19:38

plenty of scammers do take time and effort to piece a picture together from bits on social media -

TourangaLeila · 30/05/2025 19:38

Op, I'm not suggesting you actually do this, but I recon we'd find them in around 10 minutes if you were able to share yours and DH socials 😂

DeSoleil · 30/05/2025 19:40

I believe him. You’ve handled it well.

Ita going to be a woman close to you so absolutely do not repeat it to a friend or female relation.

Carry on as normal and she will be itching to know if you have had a fight with your husband and will let it slip in her desperation to find out how her shit stirring went!

’Hi Carol, how are you? Everything ok?’ said with fake pained expression of concern? ‘Dave alright?’ …..

PiggyPigalle · 30/05/2025 19:40

That's great news from you OP.

Notice how the messenger knew you were at the baby shower, but suggested you ask your husband where he was.
That suggests they didn't know.
Had they known, they would have said, for instance "While you were at the baby shower, he was at the Travelodge."

If you look for the culprit, it may be the mildest person who you would never have suspected.
Have a nice child free evening.

Tangerinenets · 30/05/2025 19:40

God what a shitty day you must have had. I hope you get to the bottom of who it is, x

GAJLY · 30/05/2025 19:44

I'm glad you got it sorted with your husband. Sounds like either someone mistakenly thinks he's having an affair, or wanted revenge for some bizzare reason. I'd personally block them and not pay any attention to it any more.

Slatterndisgrace · 30/05/2025 19:45

DeSoleil · 30/05/2025 19:40

I believe him. You’ve handled it well.

Ita going to be a woman close to you so absolutely do not repeat it to a friend or female relation.

Carry on as normal and she will be itching to know if you have had a fight with your husband and will let it slip in her desperation to find out how her shit stirring went!

’Hi Carol, how are you? Everything ok?’ said with fake pained expression of concern? ‘Dave alright?’ …..

OP will be crapping herself if those are her and her OH’s names…!

ThatCyanCat · 30/05/2025 19:47

PearlHare · 30/05/2025 19:31

But you can get all of this information off social media if OP has posted it. It would be so easy to garner this off my Instagram. I’ve never even considered it before, but we over reveal in ways we don’t always realise. And numbers are linked to socials too.

Show quote history

Yes but scams tend to be mass marketed. They are much more generic than that, at least initially. This level of knowledge of OP's life this early on suggests it's not a mass bot farm job. They akso usually send their dodgy links by now because the longer it goes on, the more likely it is that they'll be rumbled.

ThatCyanCat · 30/05/2025 19:48

Crikeyalmighty · 30/05/2025 19:38

plenty of scammers do take time and effort to piece a picture together from bits on social media -

It's not a very efficient use of time since most scam attempts fail.

Apollo365 · 30/05/2025 19:49

GameOfJones · 30/05/2025 19:27

My questions would be:

Where is the WhatsApp contact photo of him from if it's an old photograph?

How does this person have your number? Do you have it linked to social media? How many WhatsApp group chats are you on?

Who knew about the baby shower? Were you tagged or was it mentioned on social media? Was there a WhatsApp group?

The timing is interesting that you received this when your DH was away. It is definitely someone who knows a lot of personal information so my focus would be on working out who this person is and watching DH closely to see how invested he is in working out their identity because if someone falsely accused me of having an affair and had upset and worried DH you can bet I'd be turning into Miss Marple to work out who was throwing a bomb into my relationship!

Re the bottom section, OP should go through her social media, weed out anyone that they don’t know really well and lock down all privacy settings too.

Verydemure · 30/05/2025 19:49

ThatCyanCat · 30/05/2025 19:11

A name, a photo and knowledge of a baby shower? I don't think it's true but it sounds like someone who knows them, not a generic scam.

Edited
Show quote history

A scam is still possible. Do you both have Facebook/ instagram?

if you’ve posted or been tagged in the baby shower photos, someone with access to it would see you weren’t with your husband that day. In fact, a baby shower is watertight as it’s usually women only.

the fact that he was at his parents wouldn’t be known to a stranger, but anyone at the baby shower (for example) would probably have picked up that you’d dropped him and the kids at the in-laws.

so I don’t even think it’s that personal. Could be anyone who can see your Facebook posts.

also, is the picture of DH an old profile pic on Facebook?

Olderbeforemytime · 30/05/2025 19:50

I feel a wagatha moment coming on. Do you have any idea who it maybe.

Apollo365 · 30/05/2025 19:50

Btw, my vote is still scam. But just incase it’s a weirdo in your past

Monkeysymbols · 30/05/2025 19:51

You have to find out who this malicious person is

Apollo365 · 30/05/2025 19:51

DeSoleil · 30/05/2025 19:40

I believe him. You’ve handled it well.

Ita going to be a woman close to you so absolutely do not repeat it to a friend or female relation.

Carry on as normal and she will be itching to know if you have had a fight with your husband and will let it slip in her desperation to find out how her shit stirring went!

’Hi Carol, how are you? Everything ok?’ said with fake pained expression of concern? ‘Dave alright?’ …..

Yes 👏🏼

Slatterndisgrace · 30/05/2025 19:51

Did you show him the photo from the messages OP?

edit: his photo

AlexisP90 · 30/05/2025 19:52

Apollo365 · 30/05/2025 19:51

Yes 👏🏼

Show quote history

Do we know it's a woman for sure though?

I've seen males (ex friends) do shit similar to this

Flashahah · 30/05/2025 19:53

babystarsandmoon · 30/05/2025 19:32

I really done like being negative but I would still be cautions.

When the OW reaches out it’s usually because she’s confronted him, not for the reaction she wanted and she feels left with other option than to tell you. He’s likely to have had an idea from her that she will contact you so could have had the chance to delete her.

What’s to say he didn’t nip away while at the parents on that rainy day?

It’s too personal to be a scam.

I think OPs explained the one off rainy day

SpunkySquid · 30/05/2025 19:54

My money would be on someone you know or used to know. It seems too malicious to be a scam.

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