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Original poster

Random message saying DH affair

1000 replies

basilbush · 30/05/2025 11:29

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

OP posts:
Wednesdayisme · 30/05/2025 19:09

I'm glad it was fake op!

godmum56 · 30/05/2025 19:09

basilbush · 30/05/2025 19:01

Thanks so much for the messages everyone.

My DH came home at 5 and pretty much as soon as he came through the door I went through it with him. Although I don’t believe he is cheating, I didn’t want to give him the opportunity to hide anything away.

I very much approached it with the attitude of ‘you will not believe what I’ve been sent’ and showed him. I didn’t want to string him along that I’d been sent ‘proof’ as his reaction would tell me what I needed to know.

I saw no trace of guilt on him at all. He was bewildered, confused and concerned that this had been worrying me and I hadn’t told him. He offered his phone freely and asked if I’d rung the number. I said I hadn’t and he suggested we ring it together. I purposefully did it from his phone and it didn’t come up with a suggested contact.

He then insisted I go through his bag and also offered me his work phone which also showed no trace of the number.

I was clear with him that I didn’t believe it from the off as when would he have the opportunity, forget anything else (I know others will disagree!). He then sort of had a lightbulb and got up WhatsApp messages between him and his personal trainer at the gym organising their sessions. He has definitely been going to the gym as I can also see on our account that we’ve been charged for the sessions (which I didn’t think to check before).

I can also see plenty of messages about the work conference in his team chat. He has a couple of others with people he works with - some are women-but they are mundane, boring organisational things and nothing that points to anything suspicious.

I know there will still be those who say ‘but…’…
I gave him no warning I wanted to chat so he didn’t have any time to hide things and his reaction was one of bewilderment and concern, then really wanting to find out who is behind this.

Im satisfied with our chat. We’re going to have some dinner now and then try and work backwards on who this can be and why. I’ve spent all afternoon thinking about how to approach it with DH and haven’t thought much about who it is so I’m switched gears now to focus on that.

I didn’t reply to anymore messages but got one more that simply says “well!!???” Which tells me it’s annoying them that I haven’t engaged…. So I will continue to be silent

I am glad you had a good outcome and yes I think silence is the best idea

Slatterndisgrace · 30/05/2025 19:10

That’s good news OP. Silent contempt truly does beat the devil.

arethereanyleftatall · 30/05/2025 19:10

It can’t be a scam in the money sense as that person would have given up by now.

this person is invested. For either their own reasons to split you up.

PassMeTheRedbull · 30/05/2025 19:11

I’m glad it’s hopefully untrue OP.

i think it must be malicious rather than a scam though, mostly because of the baby shower thing. I hope you find out who has done this to you.

ThatCyanCat · 30/05/2025 19:11

Yorkshiremum80 · 30/05/2025 19:08

It's a scam fairly well known. I work in fraud for a bank. They will eventually ask for money to provide proof. It's common for them to have the spouses name too so I wouldn't read much into it.

A name, a photo and knowledge of a baby shower? I don't think it's true but it sounds like someone who knows them, not a generic scam.

Ceebeegee · 30/05/2025 19:15

"He offered his phone freely and asked if I’d rung the number. I said I hadn’t and he suggested we ring it together. I purposefully did it from his phone and it didn’t come up with a suggested contact"

What happened when you rang the number ?

momtoboys · 30/05/2025 19:16

I'm glad you are satisfied and this has worked out. I admire you standing your ground and being secure in your relationship. Its refreshing.

JustAnInchident · 30/05/2025 19:16

I don’t think this really sounds like a scam, too many personal details are known I would say. How horrible to feel this is someone possibly quite close to you! Presumably they didn’t answer the phone when you rang.. be a bit of a giveaway if you recognised their voice!

ManchesterGirl2 · 30/05/2025 19:17

ThatCyanCat · 30/05/2025 19:11

A name, a photo and knowledge of a baby shower? I don't think it's true but it sounds like someone who knows them, not a generic scam.

Edited
Show quote history

Depends on the OP's social media settings, e.g. you could probably find out that from facebook if it's not well-locked down, or if the OP has accepted a friend-request from someone she doesn't know.

Flashahah · 30/05/2025 19:19

I‘M going scam @basilbush, is photo from LinkedIn? I’d google your DHs name and see what photos come up, is it one of them?

Have a lovely weekend, alls well with you both. ❤️

ShesTheAlbatross · 30/05/2025 19:20

Yorkshiremum80 · 30/05/2025 19:08

It's a scam fairly well known. I work in fraud for a bank. They will eventually ask for money to provide proof. It's common for them to have the spouses name too so I wouldn't read much into it.

It seems very specific to be a scam, knowing about the baby shower of a named friend (rather than a generic “ask him where he was the other month when you were out with friends” and banking on that occasion existing).

Riaanna · 30/05/2025 19:20

Yorkshiremum80 · 30/05/2025 19:08

It's a scam fairly well known. I work in fraud for a bank. They will eventually ask for money to provide proof. It's common for them to have the spouses name too so I wouldn't read much into it.

Exactly this.

Riaanna · 30/05/2025 19:21

ShesTheAlbatross · 30/05/2025 19:20

It seems very specific to be a scam, knowing about the baby shower of a named friend (rather than a generic “ask him where he was the other month when you were out with friends” and banking on that occasion existing).

Show quote history

It’s pretty standard. They find a public post.

Flashahah · 30/05/2025 19:23

Riaanna · 30/05/2025 19:21

It’s pretty standard. They find a public post.

Show quote history

Which isn’t difficult!

I would check with other people at that baby shower to see if they’ve had the same thing happen @basilbush .
You may sort a lot of stress.

Wheredidthetidego · 30/05/2025 19:25

This is definitely someone that knows you then and, by the sounds of it, is malicious.
And there are weird people that do this. Decades ago, when I’d only been seeing now DH for about 6 months I received a message from his ex. I wasn’t the OW, they’d split up well before we got together, she found me on social media. She gave me very specific details about where she’d been and what she’d done with him, on a specified date when I’d been on a conference. I’ve got to be honest, I am as cynical as they come, after 6 months I probably would have believed her, other than the fact that we’d actually been out of the country, together, at the time she said?
Said conference and the fact that my company had been there had been featured in (totally boring, that no one reads) industry press and so she’d assumed I was there.
Not all men are cheating toe rags.

ItsSoFoggy · 30/05/2025 19:25

People really are horrible these days to do such malicious things. I sometimes wish mobile phones and social media were never invented. People are nuts.

OchAyeTheNo0 · 30/05/2025 19:26

I’d definitely reply but literally with the 😂 emoji and maybe ‘you need to do better than that’

Never2many · 30/05/2025 19:26

arethereanyleftatall · 30/05/2025 19:10

It can’t be a scam in the money sense as that person would have given up by now.

this person is invested. For either their own reasons to split you up.

the requests for money come later. Google it.

It’s similar to the scam where child messages to say they’ve lost their phone, make some idle chit-chat before then asking for money.

The language is AI driven and is typical scammer language.

But the fact that there are posters on here who are falling for it shows just how easy it is to be taken in by it.

I would just block at this point. You’re not even speaking to actual people here. They don’t care whether you tell the, to fuck off or not, you’re just feeding into some scam centre somewhere, and they’ll just move on to the next one.

GameOfJones · 30/05/2025 19:27

My questions would be:

Where is the WhatsApp contact photo of him from if it's an old photograph?

How does this person have your number? Do you have it linked to social media? How many WhatsApp group chats are you on?

Who knew about the baby shower? Were you tagged or was it mentioned on social media? Was there a WhatsApp group?

The timing is interesting that you received this when your DH was away. It is definitely someone who knows a lot of personal information so my focus would be on working out who this person is and watching DH closely to see how invested he is in working out their identity because if someone falsely accused me of having an affair and had upset and worried DH you can bet I'd be turning into Miss Marple to work out who was throwing a bomb into my relationship!

YourSignalFadedIntoAnotherWorld · 30/05/2025 19:27

Reddog1 · 30/05/2025 19:05

What a malicious thing to do! I wonder who it could be.

Does this sort of thing fall under malicious communications? Is it against the law?

Nicole621 · 30/05/2025 19:30

They've already sent the supposed 'proof' and they wouldn't drag it out this long IMO if it was a scam for money.

So this is someone that knows about the baby shower, knows your number, knows your husbands name but doesn't know him as the texts don't sound like him. The texts are horrible so seems like someone who really wants to get at you. It also sounds like they're quite young - who over early 20's would say 'bae'???

To be honest I'd probably reply saying you're terribly upset and ask them if they are the other woman and what they want. The more clues you get out of them the more idea you'll have who it might be and why - and if it is a scam they'll ask for money and you'll know why.

PearlHare · 30/05/2025 19:31

ThatCyanCat · 30/05/2025 19:11

A name, a photo and knowledge of a baby shower? I don't think it's true but it sounds like someone who knows them, not a generic scam.

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Show quote history

But you can get all of this information off social media if OP has posted it. It would be so easy to garner this off my Instagram. I’ve never even considered it before, but we over reveal in ways we don’t always realise. And numbers are linked to socials too.

Never2many · 30/05/2025 19:32

It’s worrying that people on here don’t realise how much information is out there about them.

A couple of years ago I found out that a family member of mine has a half sibling, so I looked them up.

Their own social media profile is fairly locked down, but even without that it took me ten minutes to find:

Their name, where they live, as in the town, who they work for, the name of their husband and child, the fact that they’d had another sibling who had sadly died, when and what she’d died of.

This information is out there. Anyone could literally go out and find a victim to scam like this. And if the OP’s picture is on WhatsApp, which it will be if she’s replied, then all the scammer needs to do is google image search it and they have her name, links to anyone else who might have tagged her in anything, links to her husband’s name, the possibilities are endless.

Quashsquash · 30/05/2025 19:32

Again, everyone querying 'but how could it be a scam, when they know your DH's name and they know about the baby shower?' etc etc - when will we all realise that this is the payback after two decades of sharing online? It is really, really not hard to piece things together about pretty much anyone online - even those who believe they are keeping their various profiles private. AI can do it, but a clever member of a troll farm pretty much anywhere can also do it. Again, it may seem like a lot of effort (probably immensely simplified through AI) but all you need is one payback - one person who lets themselves be taken in. Not blaming that one person - it can all get pretty sophisticated, depending on how much information the scammer has access to, so no wonder people are lulled into believing. And again, without wanting to over-generalise - I think the people who are still, in 2025, inclined to overshare on social media are exactly the people who, in 2025, would be unable to recognise an online scammer. Don't be deceived - people absolutely ARE targeting you.

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