Random message saying DH affair

[basilbush]

Hoping for some advice here

Background-been with my DH 19 years, married 13 with two young children (nursery and reception).

I would say we have a happy marriage and solid family life. We rarely argue, spend time together and mostly manage to be respectful and have fun. We are intimate fairly regularly with no issues there (that I’m aware of).

So now to the weirdness. Yesterday afternoon I got a message on WhatsApp. It’s from a number I don’t recognise and the contact card photo is a flower so not identifying. The message said my DH (used his name) was cheating on me, had been going on for 6 months and I was naive to think my marriage was happy.

i haven’t replied. I’m not sure what to say and it’s knocked me for 6. I know you read posts from women all the time where they can’t see what’s right in front of them but I honestly don’t believe it. I don’t believe he’s capable of it-nor has he really had the opportunity.

He has recently started going to the gym and got fitter but we’ve both had health scares and it ties in with that.

Im not really sure what to do. I was going to just ask him outright (he’s away with work and back later today) and say I’ve got this weird message but it seemed so ridiculous to even ask him.

And being away with work isn’t a red flag-he’s sent photos of the conference, we faced timed last night and he rang me when got back to the room. First time he’s stayed away for a work thing in a year.

sorry, this was long and rambling!

So what you are saying is that the person messaging knows the OP and there has been a time when they exchanged numbers?

You can only whataspp if you have the person's contact number.

This can't be someone who knows your husband if they are making this up, because surely they'd try to make it sound like him if they did know him.

This seems like someone malicious who hates you and wants to ruin things for you OP. I don't think they want to blackmail or scam you, I think they must have a vendetta against you for some reason. The reasons for doing it might all be in their own head though of course.

I think so. Or could get it through a mate for some plausible reason.

Gosh OP this sounds really odd. Could it be someone he’s upset? Grudge that’s work related? Someone with grudge against either of you? Chance that it’s true but given you know him best and it’s not adding up all you can do is speak to DH when he gets back. Just sorry for the upset you are going through. Messenger sounds a bit unhinged and malice definitely in there. If you wanted you could reverse image search the conference and check with their reception it was on. Maybe you already know but odd one all round.

Good quality fake evidence is in the eye of the beholder, though.

Could it be someone who was at the baby shower?

@GarlicMile my opinion is that whoever is messaging the OP reckons they could take on Putin's cyber army.

@GarlicMile I'm talking about the intentions of the person messaging the OP not their likely success rate. But whoever it is has succeeded in winding the OP up.

Mate, all our info's out there. You can find phone numbers, addresses and credit card details for millions and millions of people. Might cost you a few quid, or you might need to know where to access the public data breaches. If it's just one person you can usually get their address, phone number and who they live with for a fiver or so, or for free. You might even work at a call centre that's handled some of their enquiries.

Password protect your accounts using a password manager or a key. Use two-factor logins for anything remotely sensitive. Loads of people have your info: just make sure they can't get into your accounts.

Maybe reply I know exactly where he and our children were but thanks for confirming you're someone I know. Maybe even someone who was at the event with me.

I'd be tempted to string this person along and even suggest meeting in a cafe to discuss.
It will throw them into a spin.

I don’t know if it means anything, but ‘do you know where your husband was on x time’ was EXACTLY what the fake profile of the OW texted me.
I responded so so naively and badly in hindsight, that I’m so happy the op is getting decent advice with what to do.
I hope it’s a scam op.

Also - how many what's app group chats are people on? You wouldn't have to exchange numbers at all. People can download and access your number that way. I am on hundred person group chats - loads of people can get my number that way.

Oh, and while I'm relaying obvious security advice - don't leave your voicemail pin code on default (usually 0000)!

Sorry if this has been covered, I mostly read OPs posts, on WhatsApp you can change your picture for different contacts, for example, if your husbands picture is a family or couple picture of yous, he could change his picture for only the OW (if there is 1).

Also, when you speak to him, although you might not want to go in all guns blazing, accusing him, do not give him the opportunity to pull the wool over your eyes by saying things like you don’t believe it or it’s rediculous, just don’t give anything away and be quite blunt, maybe ask to see his phone?.

Hope he’s not cheating OP, sending hugs X

Do you mean to keep quoting my posts?

It's not relevant what I asked.

I am on no groups, if you're talking to me.

Look at his bank statements when he's away, pretty easy to see if meals are more than one person !

It’s a bit weird they’ve picked an event that actually did happen… maybe someone at the baby shower who wants your husband?

Ring the number, even if you do it off another phone

Has your DH got an ex that never got over him @basilbush ?

Thanks so much for the messages everyone.

My DH came home at 5 and pretty much as soon as he came through the door I went through it with him. Although I don’t believe he is cheating, I didn’t want to give him the opportunity to hide anything away.

I very much approached it with the attitude of ‘you will not believe what I’ve been sent’ and showed him. I didn’t want to string him along that I’d been sent ‘proof’ as his reaction would tell me what I needed to know.

I saw no trace of guilt on him at all. He was bewildered, confused and concerned that this had been worrying me and I hadn’t told him. He offered his phone freely and asked if I’d rung the number. I said I hadn’t and he suggested we ring it together. I purposefully did it from his phone and it didn’t come up with a suggested contact.

He then insisted I go through his bag and also offered me his work phone which also showed no trace of the number.

I was clear with him that I didn’t believe it from the off as when would he have the opportunity, forget anything else (I know others will disagree!). He then sort of had a lightbulb and got up WhatsApp messages between him and his personal trainer at the gym organising their sessions. He has definitely been going to the gym as I can also see on our account that we’ve been charged for the sessions (which I didn’t think to check before).

I can also see plenty of messages about the work conference in his team chat. He has a couple of others with people he works with - some are women-but they are mundane, boring organisational things and nothing that points to anything suspicious.

I know there will still be those who say ‘but…’…
I gave him no warning I wanted to chat so he didn’t have any time to hide things and his reaction was one of bewilderment and concern, then really wanting to find out who is behind this.

Im satisfied with our chat. We’re going to have some dinner now and then try and work backwards on who this can be and why. I’ve spent all afternoon thinking about how to approach it with DH and haven’t thought much about who it is so I’m switched gears now to focus on that.

I didn’t reply to anymore messages but got one more that simply says “well!!???” Which tells me it’s annoying them that I haven’t engaged…. So I will continue to be silent

Its a scam OP, if it was somehow genuine they'd be sending you more 'proof'. Telling you to ask him about this day, ask him about this time, etc... they'd have more than bullshit WhatsApp and one time he wasn't with you recently

Scam for sure

What a malicious thing to do! I wonder who it could be.

How many people knew that you were at the baby shower?

It's a scam fairly well known. I work in fraud for a bank. They will eventually ask for money to provide proof. It's common for them to have the spouses name too so I wouldn't read much into it.